Good for the soul

Good for you soul.

Sometimes I am too busy to answer the phone, sometimes I am too stressed to pick up the phone, being that small kids, barking dogs and endless clutter are making me stressed.

But then I realize who's calling.

Be it my cousin who has the daily stress of his brothers and sister on his shoulder. Since his parents died it's been nothing but crazy drama and stress for him, causing two heart attacks at the age of 33.

I NEED to answer the phone when he calls. I used to avoid the calls like the plague. Or check the time, if it was too late in the day I knew he would be drunk by then. Check out this POST for my goodbye for now post.

He has sobered up since then. He has gone to jail for DUI's and came out a new person. Since then has a new partner, but still has the stress of his brothers. One who is in BIG, BIG trouble. About the most trouble one person can be in. His other brother, well he's the same still drama, still drinks constantly, but at a current state of low drama.

His sister, I love her so. And her abusive baby daddy, with her two boys, (4 and 1) no home, in and out of rehab, this can't be good for the boys, and this is where my cousin can't say no. I can't imagine the pain between trying to have tough love for his sister, but wants only the best for the kids. Sigh.

I knew after 3 phone calls and 2 texts yesterday that he needed to talk to me. I was busy enjoying a family day. So after everyone was snug in bed, I called him at 9:30. Around 11 I needed to go to bed, I was emotionally exhaused. But glad I could be there for him.

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While at family day I talked to my cousin (other side of the family NO realtion to the above story) she laid on me and my mom a sob story about her husband who is out of work (building homes for a living is NOT a good job at the moment!) so he drinks all the time, but the worst of it all is her 17 year old son, had a DUI under his belt already! So his license is suspended till he is 21. My cousin is sad becuase he is drinking by himself alot. She has him in rehab therapy, and he likes it. She says he will do this as long as it takes. I can see it wears on her. It hurts me to see her so sad. Again I was glad I could be there for her.

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I just got off the phone with a good friend, who's husband lost his job. Sigh it's like the plauge lately. Everyone is losing jobs. Now the dilema is what to do, how to get a job that pays the same? Time to take care of yourself, and your family. Sigh... I can only hope she calls me soon and we can catch up more.

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I felt like this in High School. I was the shoulder for SO many of my friends, I still have a note from this kid. He was teased and a dork. I was a senior he was a freshman. We had one class together. A History class.

He wrote me notes, and I wrote back. I thought positive things, and told him he was better then all those who mocked him. To keep his head up, and to know he always had me as a friend. He told me he wanted to commit sucide, but he went and read MY notes, and thought. Well I do have one friend.

I was that one person.

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I guess what I have to say is thanks. To that one person in Junior High, some of you who read me know her. you know the things she said, the things she did to me.

I felt usless, like a baby, stupid, dorky, and just a plain looser.

I thank her for teaching me that in NO way should anyone EVER feel that way. I shouldn't have felt like I was no one. When I had the best friends around me. Those best friends? Yep I still talk to them 28 years later. They are some of my closest friends.

I thank my parents for giving me a loving home. A family who listened who cared, and who always made me feel beautiful inside and out. Because no matter how tough the outside world is, I know I can go home to a safe, warm and loving place.

I thought through my freshman year of High School that I wanted to be there for other kids. So I joined a group that would assign us each a person who needed someone to talk too. A peer that could be there friend, like a friend counsler of sorts. And I got one girl who was on the outside. A girl who needed me. I was often asked why I was her friend, it wasn't publicly known that we were assigned them. The girl knew that I was her "assigned friend" and durring her lunch (my study hour) I was to sit with her. But I would listen, and talk to her. We even went to the movies once. And I never let anyone tell me who I could and couldn't be friends with.

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And so I've gone my life trying to not judge people on their dirty clothes. They might only have a few pairs of clothes. I've learned not judge those with fancy clothes, because I know money doesn't buy happiness. I've learned to trust few, and to remember that it doesn't matter, thick or thin, ugly or beautiful, black or white, green or purple, rich or poor, it's the inside that counts.

I want my children to have my empathy. To take care of themselves first, family too. Then to reach out and be that one person for some one.

To be good not only for the other persons soul. But for their empathy and their compassion to be good for their own soul.

FeIsTy.