Sunday Soapbox. I strongly dislike children. There I said it.

I will be honest here. I have been wanting to blog on this for a while now, and in an attempt to not insult my children, here I go.

I don't like kids.

No really. I don't.

I was confused about this for some time. Because I LOVED being a kid. SO much I cried on my 18th birthday knowing I was officially an adult. I totally get being a kid still. I am in love with the idea of never growing up. But I just don't like kids themselves.

So I was trying to figure this out, and so I told my mom. And I of coarse started with the whole "well I don't mean to sound rude, or insulting but I really don't like kids. But I have my own? Does that make sense?"

She said yes it does. She said growing up as a kid, that I loved being a kid, doing kid things, but I didn't like other kids at all. I had my friends and that was it. I wasn't out looking for more friends, and I hated others playing with my toys. I never wanted to baby sit. EVER. When I was old enough to get a job I loathed the idea of sitting around with someone elses whiney brats for money. I would rather go bus tables or scrub kennels.

She also said that she didn't like kids either. She said they were annoying to her, and she only baby sat when the kids were old enough to take care of themselves, but still needed someone around.

Makes sense.

So why did she have kids? Same reason I did. I want to have my own people, to carry on my family, and to have someone there for me when I'm old. I think it will be an amazing ride to watch my kids grow, learn and play.

I can't wait to document every damn second they are alive. I am in love with my children, just like everyone else is.

BUT I can only take children in small does. So when Spaghetti works his 3 jobs back to back to back, for 3 days in a row, it's me, myself, and I with two small kids. AND no other adults. I get twichy and stabby, and very short tempered. I NEED my children to take naps or if anything just go in your rooms for a few hours so I can go recollect my thought (or what's left of them) I LOVE night time when they are sleeping, but I love when they are awake too.

Sure I can go to lapsit at the library, or some event with other parents. And I am sure when Bagel starts preschool in the fall it will be a huge growing process for the two of us. Me learning to let go, and her moving on, and making friends of her own (I shudder at the thought of other kids around. Gag.)

We've had ONE playdate, with the neighbors kid. She is about 8 months older then Bagel, and I swear she is wired to be a crazy boy (she does have an older brother and sister) but man that kid will give grey hairs faster then any kid I've seen. She climbs EVERYTHING (thank GOD it was a backyard playdate) BUT to my worst nightmare, the other kids saw me sitting with Bagel and said neighbor girl and so I ended up with a yard full of kids. No shit.

We are counting Bagel, Weaky (at the time just 1 year) said neighbor girl, her sister, brother, and the 3 neighbor kids behind me. HOLY SHIT.

Thankfully the one neighbor girl is about 13 and babysits all these kids, so she was able to run the show help me out.

The mom's quickly (after 10 minutes) noticed that ALL the kids were playing in my yard so they came by to save me. I explained that I didn't mind one kid, and they totally understood, especially with Weaky being so tiny.

I always said I would love to teach H.S. art class. Funny thing is, is most teachers say "OH NO! We love the little kids. The teenagers are horrible" but I explain, I don't like kids. I do however love teenagers.

Alright, alright, say what you want about what I will say in 10 years when Bagel is a teen and is ignoring me, and hates me. BUT I swear I totally bond with teens. They are mini adults who need respect, and I love to watch them grow.

Seriously. They are big enough to feed themselves, clean up after themselves (yes I know they don't though) and they are still moldable. They can still change and grow and learn. But if you take the time to hear their opinions, or listen to what they are saying, I find them facinating.

I will love my children, and each little stage they go through. I love when they are sleeping so I can get my rest, but I miss them so when they are. If I'm dropping them off for a day with my IL's, I get excited for the freedom, but I miss them terribly when I am gone. I tip my hat to teachers of children, day care people and if you do all that AND you teach or care for small kids with handicaps your amazing to me. I just CAN NOT wrap my mind around being around that many children ALL day.

Again. Little doeses. Very little doeses. Like a small playdate, or an hour here or there. I do want to have play dates, but I think I need to know the mom. I can't have those mom's who just expect me to do all the entertaining. Oh HELL no. I just can't handle it. I didn't like kids playing with my toys and so I am sure I will be the same with kids and my kids toys!

So please don't be offended. If you are and if you don't get why I had kids if I don't like them to begin with. It's not as selfish as it sounds. It's a choice I wanted. Not for the sheer glory of having small children to drive me insane, but for the pure sake of family. MY FAMILY. One that I created with Spaghetti.

So enough rambling for now. I do think I will start my Sunday Soapbox's again... starting today... it is Sunday isn't it?