I am not happy. I am not sad. I am just here.
I am oversensitive. I am touchy. I don't want to talk to anyone.
(please don't be offended if I don't call or pick up the phone)
I am just blah.
It took alot for me to start Stamp Camps again, but business wise I had to keep it going.
I have the time, to clean, play, organize, and do all the things I need to and should do.
Just don't want to.
I freaked Spaghetti out the other day. I was all weird and rambly. Not the normal rambly and giddy. More like rambly and weird. Not the normal weird and rambly. Um... I was just not me.
And he could tell over the phone. The kids were fine. Napping in their beds. I was just sitting in my art room. Just sitting.
But this is not every day. Maybe a day a week. Maybe more, maybe less. depends.
Am I depressed? I don't have a good reason. I have a home, beautiful kids, great husband, good friends, and a happy life. But I just don't seem to want to do ANY thing. AT all.
Nope.
It took me days to even post this here.
What is wrong with me? I had post partum. But this isn't it. Its not that I am freaking about the kids. I can do that and I do a great job of it.
Its just when they are settled, either sleeping or playing, and that is my time to clean or do ANYTHING I just don't. I do have the want or the need to do anything.
And it's not that I am lazy, in the back of my head I am screaming "CLEAN THIS HOUSE! FOLD THE LAUNDRY! WORK ON YOUR BUSINESS PAPERS! COOK DINNER!"
But I don't. I don't even want to watch t.v. or scrapbook, or play around online. Nope. No gardening, no nothing.
So where do I go from here? How do I get me back? Anyone? Anyone...
4 comments:
I would say come out and visit me, but that may not be in your cards... ummm, the best thing I can suggest is herbal supplements. They are not miracle workers and they take up to 6 weeks to REALLY see a change in mood/energy, but I take them every. single. day. And 6 weeks later, I did notice a change for the better.
THe above is a good suggestion. mine is to get moving. Mix up your routine. Think about starting a class of something you have always wanted to try. (dance, pole danceing or ceramics whatever excites you) As you have more kids they become your live and you begin to loose yourself. Find your smile in finding you. Good Luck.
I think that you're being too hard on yourself. Being a mom is hard. Being a mom with two little kids is hard. But it won't always be like this. You'll blink and they'll be all grown up and in school all day. Just roll with it. You're a great mom. Your kids are happy and taken care of!!
I don't know. I've had my share of issues with depression and anxiety and all that but I think that you're going to be fine. Let me know if you need anything. I'll be in town next week if you want to get together. I'm a good listener and Bailey is great with the little ones.
*hugs*
I had to find a gym with a child care room. There is a huge difference in my mood/patience level/attitude when I can throw the kids at someone else and do something for myself for an hour.
But if you feel like you're stuck in this weird place, go talk to a professional. Seriously. There's no stigma there. I truly believe that *everyone* could use a healthy dose of therapy.
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