My obsession.

Here is my obsession each summer. Big Brother, the reality t.v. show.

Summery is they throw 16 strangers (not so much strangers this year) into a house. Making them socialize and play games, vote each other out to see who wins the $500,000 final prize.

They have ZERO contact with the outside world. Live in house set on a studio, with a ‘back yard’ of sorts. I like it because you can watch the show two different ways.

You can be a normal viewer. Watch the show on CBS on Sundays, Wednesday and the best is Thursday because it’s live, and they vote out someone.

OR you could be like me. I pay (or ask for my birthday each year) for the fantastic price of $29.99 and get 3 months of 24/7 live feeds of the house. I get to watch these people who live like hamsters ALL day. Creepy? Sure. Do I watch them sleep? I don’t sit and STARE at them sleeping but I bring up the site and if they are all sleeping I leave it be.

So check out the fun screen shot I took today…

 

If you’re a BB fan and you don’t get the feeds this is what they look like. I have 4 screens to choose from, or the Quad to see all 4 (hard because they are ALL talking at once)

I have to say the two features I use the most are LIVE FEEDS, and FLASHBACKS *( I can pick a date and time and see any past footage I want) AND if you’re a real junkie you know that Morty’s Hamster Watch is THE BEST site to sign up for your 24/7 feeds each year, AND for your daily updates on his blog.

And onto the picture I took. So this is when the CBS crew needs to set up the rest of the house for the live show tonight. So the houseguests go on ‘LOCKDOWN’ this is sucky for them. ALL of them in the main bedroom. (there is a bathroom to access too)

But I loved how they ALL are in here, right now there is 11 all curled up on the floor, bed and couch. Well that’s my BIGGEST t.v. obsession. so on days like today when it’s 95 in the shade, we stay in clean house and pray the WIFI never goes out, so we can keep the ‘feeds’ on.

I <3 Big Brother.

Feisty

Let. It. Be.

 

I had a cousin. Her name was Jenna. She was 31 and died this last winter of brain cancer. She was brave. Always optimistic. Her mom, herself, and her sister all got matching tattoos that read ‘Let it be’ from the Beetles song.

Not saying they were big Beetles groupies, but they liked the idea behind the song, and to not sweat the small stuff.

They threw a party in Jenna’s memory, and at that party a friend made necklaces out of pop tops, with an image of a peach (Jenna’s nickname was Peaches) and it said ‘Let it be’ over it.

I wear it often, because lately I’ve had to channel my inner Jenna, to remind myself that life is to short to sweat the details, the childish behavior of some people, the petty fighting, the name calling. It’s all to much anymore.

My life is too short to fight over this. My energy is not worth the anxiety. My children don’t need me back in ‘ANGRY MOM’ mode. It’s just not fair.

I took this picture of myself last night. I was sitting on my parents fireplace ledge. I was happy to be celebrating my birthday, but mentally exhausted from the weeks before of all the drama around what is supposed to be the planning of a trip to the happiest place on earth.

I am strong. I am tired. I am done. I’m tired of insults. Of words that hurt. Of crushed souls. Of greed. Of hate. Of who’s side are you on?  I want to ‘Let it be’. In the words of Jenna, Carol and Tess… oh and the Beetles… can we please just ‘Let it be’

Feisty

Featuring ME! 16 yr old notes.

I’d like to feature myself today. On my own blog? Weird I know, but I was looking for a past post from 2009, and came across one that I wrote that made me laugh, smile, cry and realize I can write well when I try hard. Or given the perfect prompt to post on.

Long story short, it’s a letter to my 16 year old self, and I do believe it’s one of my best posts to date! Let me know what you think. And feel free to share the idea of writing to your 16 year old self, just do me a favor and let me know if you do, I’d love to read it.

A letter to my 16 year old self…

I’d like to add on just one more thing though. Dear 16 year old self… LISTEN to your sister. RECORD your sister. TALK to your sister. She’ll still be with you 16 years later, but her voice will be gone, you’ve only got about a year left to HEAR her. But she’s still your Frances, just a much quieter version, due to what the doctors will tell you, and your parents (after another 6 years of searching for an answer) is Dystonia.

Queen of Feisty

Day dreams

 

Sunshine, a 82 degree pool, and a raft. It’s the first time this summer that I actually took the afternoon off and went to the pool.

With NO children.

Spaghetti was in the house, kids were napping, instead of cleaning house I took an hour and 15 minute break, ALL for me.

I enjoyed sunning, and just day dreaming about the art, I day dream about the store I want to own with my mom.

I have the name picked out, and we will sell handmade things. Like fun jewelry (my bestie Aerial loves to create, and she can have a line of awesome button rings) and fun hair pieces.

My ugly dolls, and sew things from my mom. Paintings that I’ve done, and art supplies, some scrapbooking supplies, adhesives, and that’s just a few minutes of day dreams.

The second floor of the place will be the studio. Where there are no less then 10 big tables and comfy rolling chairs. Where everyone can create.

I think we will have classes, or open time for creating, maybe a kids class, and a painting class. AND since it’s upstairs I want a dumb waiter of sorts, to bring up all the supplies people bring with.

Out back there will be a garden (tended by my mom and I) and we will have tables for ladies to chat at. Coffee, and tea, maybe some cookies. I’m daydreaming of a balcony above for my own personal space outside.

Do you think it’s possible? In this economy? I believe it could be. And I would sell our stuff, and so many of my great friends make things and then we could sell their things too, like a etsy store in real life!

Day dreaming was wonderful. Hope to do it again soon.

Queen of Feisty

30 days in pictures.

Not sure if you’ve seen the 30 days in pictures thing going around. Some of my younger FB friends are doing it, they are also photo junkies. But it’s a great idea to get conversation going, and so I’m going to do it there and here.

Enough said. Here is day one…

“A PICTURE OF YOU AND 10 FACTS”

1. I am 5' 1/2"
2. My favorite color is Purple, but pink and turquoise are up there.
3. In my art room I have at LEAST 19 pairs of scissors.
3. I have two boxers. Both brindle, Maggie turning 8 next month. Sophie is 6.
4. I have two cats. Jordan, just 8 and Chloe who is 7.
5. Socially I enjoy staying IN. Too many social events in one week stress me out.
6. I've owned 12 different types of pets. Only 4 of those 12 being mammals.
7. The longest running job I've held is being a Independent Demonstrator for Stampin' Up! (rubber stamp and scrapbook company) for 6 years. Second longest job is being a Stay At Home Mom.
8. I drink Starbucks daily. But not from the store. I brew it here at home.
9. I've been married going on 10 years June 16th. ♥
10. Having children is the coolest thing. I have my own people.

Feisty

Sunrise

I loved the way the clouds each had bits of sunshine on them, but still a dark side too. I loved how there were SO many clouds up there. I don’t normally see the sunrise.

My bedroom is on the west side of the house, and I am usually still in bed at this time. But that New Years resolution of routine is finally here. Well part of it. My sink is gross, my coffee is left over from yesterday, and I am doing some lame attempt at getting my laundry in order.

BUT going to bed at or before 10 is what IS working. It also keeps ups from snacking late. I will let you know on Sunday night, and Monday night (Spaghetti’s Friday and Saturday) if we followed through or were up super late and ate bad foods!

I’m also enjoying blogging this early! I don’t have screaming kids around, it’s pure silence right now, it’s almost maddening! As much as I have this free time, the whole hour of silence, I could start dishes, or laundry, but I’m just enjoying the sun start to cover the dried grass in the front yard, and watch the Robins (yes Robins!) poke around for worms!

It’s a wonderful morning and I hope it stays this way. I hope I get more mornings like this. Where I sit on my big couch, in the corner, with my water, my laptop on the end table.

Wishful thinking!

Feisty

ps. did you guys read anywhere about the font ‘Comic Sans’ and how people are ‘over it’ I found it amusing because that is STILL my favorite font. Easy to read, bold and still not as boring as Ariel! Just wondering…

An Ode to Blogger

Dear Blogger,

This note is to say thanks. For the pure sake of my sanity.

Sounds simple enough right? I guess what I want to say is when my good friend from grade school told me all about you, in which she is quite trendy and I am thankful she shares with me, all the fun things I could do with Blogger. I was then introduced to SITS an extreemly wonderful comunity for bloggers. I have met SO many great bloggers through them.

I also had read a friend of mine's blog. I call her Iowa. She posted why she blogs. And the fact that I was doing it just for attention was one thing. But she made such valid points, about scrapbooking for her kids. And yes I do the art of papercrafting with scrapbooks for my kids, but to blog out stories for them too? Genius.

But outside of baby, toddler and now preschooler posts. I have filled my little corner of the blogosphere with posts on Postpartum, durring and after. My family, memories, life in general. And who doesn't like a good rant or two, or three, or four... oh who's counting.

The guily pleasure I have of reading into someone elses life, their point of view, their world is amazing. It's like a diary of sorts for the world to see. If you like. If not. Keep it for yourself.

So thanks blogger. You seriously are good for my soul.

xo... FeIsTy

363 day to go

So only a FEW people know this about me. And when I say few it's less then 3.

It's going to sound stupid, cheesy and weird. But I think if I get it out there maybe I will feel better. Doubt it. But lets try it.

Story goes like this...

Once upon a time, my sister, Frances and I went for a bike ride. I was 13 years old. We rode our bikes to our old neighborhood, we missed it, and it was just a few miles to get there. We loved to see the old house, and talk about how much we missed it. We would visit with our friends, and remember the old times.

At the last visit I was talking with my old best block friend, and her little sister came up to me. She was about 6 years old at the time, she whispered in my ear the words that I still hear 19 years later. She said...

"You'll die when your 32"

Monday was my 32nd birthday.

I have 363 days till I can hopefully forget what she said. I've often wondered how it would happen, hoping I would be by myself and it wouldn't effect my family members too. I also wonder if it was more figurative. As in I will have a loss so big part of me will die?

This is such a morbid post, but I feel I need to blog on it. Spaghetti, and Aerial both know about this. And we are counting down the days to celebrate my 33rd birthday.

Feisty

Day 3

I am SO proud of myself. I am on day 3 of the "diet" I started at 137.5, and I refuse to weigh myself more then once a week. I still need to do some measurements.

I don't believe I am on day 3. That is HUGE for me.

I mean NO drive thru, no pop, no eating after 7 (we eat dinner late sometimes so 7 works)

I'm talking eggs, oatmeal, chicken, veggies, salads and fruits... it gets easier as the days go by.

Don't get me wrong I got teared up with the kids refused Mac and Cheese yesterday. WTF. The I had to put it all in a container for the fridge. THAT was hard. But I did it.

Now it's time to put a workout plan into effect... ewwww...

This time I mean it

Do I tell you? Or not? Keep it to myself? Well when do I ever keep secrets from Blogger?

Today July 15th, Spaghetti is weighing in at work. They are doing a weight loss challenge. And for an incentive, there is a prize of $500 and two days paid off.

Me? Yep. Going for it for moral support.

Bullshit you say? Because I've started this "diet" over and over and over since January 3rd. And haven't lasted more then a day.

Am I excited? Nope.
Am I motivated? Yep.

The way I see it is I have nothing coming up besides my birthday (Monday) but I have requested that my mom make beer can chicken, salad and corn. I said I am allowed a slice of my angel food cake I get each year.

BUT besides that, I really don't have a holiday, or festive need to stuff my face for a few months.

I'm not going to do the P90X workout, not for a while, it's too hard on me. Call me a sissy, but it's been a LONG time, since this 5 foot jiggle carb queen has seen any sort of set work out.

I have a diet set, nothing crazy with messuring bowls, and scales. Just my own portion control.

Mostly fruits, veggies, chicken and pork. Salads, tuna and eggs (note the egg diet didn't even last through my post last time!)

I have a Gaiam Ball and work out DVD's. I think those are easy enough, yet keep me moving. I think even if I do some yoga on my off or busiest days, it will be good for me.

Are we takin' bets on how long I last? Which reminds me I need to take measure ments, and weigh myself... ewww... oh and if you want to know how I've felt about this before, check out my All Time Low post.

FeIsTy

Depression was real. I just didn't see it.

Once upon a time I was happy, SO happy that I was nicknamed Smiley, Happy, and Crazy Girl. I was known for being "High On Life" (my mom taught me that one) and I was always energetic.

I married Spaghetti, in June of 2001, and that is who he fell in love with. The over happy, always optomistic, glass half full girl.

And I stayed happy, and smiley, and energetic from July 19th, 1978 until October 2005. After 27 years of smiles and giggles I was sad, tired, and well pregnant.

Being pregnant with Bagel I read everything there was on babies, being a mom and the life changing events that go with. I even read on this "Postpartum" thing, I didn't think I would get it but I skimed over the stories, comments, thoughts, and get help numbers in the books and magazines.

I had Bagel and even though Spaghetti took time off work, the one week he took, only lasted the 4 days in the hospital, and then a few days at home, and then I was left with her. The baby. I was fine. I had her natural (natural as in vajaja style, not as in no epidural style. Smoke more crack if you think I was going that route. HA!) so I tore from hole A. to hole B. it took doc 23 minutes to sew me up and the pain meds wore off. AND yes I felt ALL 4 pain shots she gave me in the non existing taint to numb before she sewed me back together, anyway you get the point, epidural great for child birth. afterwards not so great, the whole stitches in your nether regions.

 Let's just say I was in pain and SO glad they don't MAKE you poop before you leave the hospital, anymore. It took me 2 more days after she came home to drop a duce. I was scared to pop a stitch. You get where I'm going? Pain. Meds. Baby. DH back to work in what seemed like only hours since Bagel had been born.

Spaghetti worked grave yard at his full time job. He would leave the house at 9:30 pm and be home around 6:30 am, he then would sleep what he could but if he had to open the video store at 9:00 am till mid afternoon, and then sleep again till he worked nights. Again. The sick cycle of that work shift was from April till October he also works at Wrigley Field, yes Chicago Cubs. He's a beer vendor, and that was on days he wasn't at the video store, and could work before grave yard shift started. Needless to say, he was one tired mother fucker.

So there's me. And this baby girl. I had it togther. And I knew that I had to because Spaghetti was working. At times I felt like a single mom (even though I give props to them. BY far. Trying to bring in income, AND raise kids. AND some are going to school? Applause.) I did everything with her, and for her. I often remember telling peopel, even Spaghetti at times "I don't need anyone, I can do it by myself" I didn't want help, or his Aunts to get me videos on postpartum shit. GAH! I was fine on my own. I had this.

The summer passed, and that fall I think I officially went nuts, and in the events of one to many CIO sessions, I dyed my platnium blonde hair.

Jet Black. More like "Chocolate Velvet" was the box name for it.

Yes. Black.

I rocked it. And when people asked why. I said because children make you do crazy ballsy things.

Fast forward to Bagel at 14 months. Bam. Pregnant with Weaky.

I wanted it this way, and lucky that I got it that way. I wanted kids close in age. Two was the amount of children, and I wanted them close. Not like 12 months close, but close so I wasn't pregnant for a decade.

When I was pregnant with Weaky, I remember Aerial and Spaghetti commenting on how they don't even remember me NOT being pregnant between kids. Honestly? Me neither.

Still with me?

Let's recap just cuz I still got a LOT of shit to say.

There's me. Crazy lady (oh and note, my hair is back to blonde by the time Weaky came around. LOTS of dying. LOTS)

There's also the unmentioned, but if you know me and my family I have 4 other children. They are covered in fur. Maggie and Sophie, our Boxers

And then my two cats, Jordan and Chloe,

So note that I am a glutton for punishment with all the pet hair, barfing, and pissing around the house. Let's just add human babies to it.

Right so then we have sleeping Spaghetti still working 3 jobs...

And now we have Weaky.

So now I have my hands full

Two under two was pure crazy.

So crazy that I went from blonde. to black. to blonde to this...

(yes it's a mohawk, and the pillowcase shirt isn't because of crazies, but because I was in need of NKOTB wear for the concert, and that was what I had. And so I made a shirt of it)

It's gotten better. But for A LONG time it wasn't good.

I was sure I had post partum but confused at how severe mine was.

I found letters that I had written to Spaghetti when I was crazy, yes I had to write my husband letteres because the time we had together was never enough for me to babble two pages of random jibberish to him.

So I wanted to share them with you.

Seriously this is big. Because one of the first things I say in the note is that I didn't want to blog it, becuase it would freak people out. Now that I'm better. Or in a better place, I feel I can share this with you...

So Bagel and I are sitting @ breakfast I thought I would write you whats in my head. I would blog on it, but I don't want to freak people out.

I miss you. I know you miss me. I know we need the money, so that is why you work so much.

RIght now the only thing that makes me un-sad is you. I get angry at you because your not here, but I know you do it because you love us, and to support us. But I still get angry because I want you around more.

I know family and friends want to help us but right now, I don't want any help from anyone but you. As crazy as it sounds to deny help. In my head right now you and me are what can help me.

I need alot of positive thoughts. I know you hate when I say "tell me something" line, but I think that will be the best thing to get me through rough days. I hope this goes away soon.

I want to be mentally ok, I am trying myself, but there are moments I just litterly lose my mind. I can not be sad. I can not get angry. These are when I need you. When I just cry for no reason. I need you. When I am angry please don't walk away, this is when I need a hug most.

This may be a selfish note. But at this stage of me, with my moods up and down so much, much that I can't control. I need to let you know what I need and what we can do together to make me better.

So fi you think I need it or not, I probably need a hug, or an "I love you" or just a comment on what you love about me.

Physically I am heling fast. My back and my stitches get sore still, but I am glad to be just on Alieve for pain.

But mentally I am not good. I am afraid when I cry or get angry or sad. I can't control them. I can't stop them. I want to, but it's just something that takes over me. And right now you seem to be my cure.

I hope this note helps you understand what we both don't.

I need you, I am trying to be storng, it's so hard and when the whole house is going at once (Bagel screaming, Weaky crying, dogs barking) It just pushes me to the crazy point of just pure ANGER or depression. It's like a sadness washes over me, and I can't function.

I won't ever hurt Weaky, Mia or the fuzzies. Ever.

I may seem crazy upset, butthe worst thing that I do is just put them down, and remove myself from the situation.

I don't think I could hurt myself, I'm not a big fan of pain. I just... I don't know... I guess I am done rambling.

I hope you can help me. I am not sure what else could. I need you Spaghetti, more then ever. I need you. Alot.

If you could please look in my eyes and tell me with out speaking you love me.

And please don't tell anyone about me being like this. I am not porud of this "me" And I am serious about al this... I do need help. Thanks.

Love you, Feisty.

This  note was written about a year ago. I stayed crazy, or in that sad mode of depression and shut down. Until the fall. I really started to get out of it. And just as recent as Weaky's 2nd birthday, April 25th, I finally felt normal. Sure if you were family, or a friend. I hid it well. I think it's a fantastic trait I learned from being a super multitasking mom, just toss it in with my skills.

Like the baby years were done. All done. Now onto talking, and independance. Sure I've still got diapers, but it's getting better. I feel like my head has been cleared, and I am more "me" again.

Oh and Spaghetti's reaction to my note? He tried. But after our talk today I realized he just thought I was stressed about the whole, everything. And that I was just having a lot of bad days. I guess 4 years worth of bad days is obvious to some, and not to others. (said others were busy working 70 hour weeks)

If you don't know how I feel about kids, check out this post on my dislike for children.

And this post covers me durring postpartum

So that brings us to the current day. Note I did have a freak out moment, cause of to much of Spaghetti at work, to much whiney kids, and so I just covered my ears, and ran to my art room. I told Spaghetti to sit with the kids and give me 20 minutes to calm down. It took me 14 minutes to calm myself, and go back to my kids, which is great it before it would take me up to a hour.

But since then. I'm fine. I talked with Spaghetti today, and we discussed my crazy postpartum. The only thing I asked him was this

"Do you believe I had postpartum depression?" I asked. He looked at me, and as the tears ran down my face he said "Yes" I NEEDED him to say that. And he said he thought I was "Stressed alot" and he was scared I would never get out of it, and be me again.

I told him so was I.

Reading my notes, well it's an eye opener. That they weren't kidding in the brochures that you should call them if you have any signs of depression. I had more of a "Super Mom" complex going on. I didn't need help. But secretly I did but from ONLY Spaghetti.

I did blog once on it. I think I freaked some people out with it though. And I must say I am very glad that my children won't remember their insane mommy. Just the silly carefree mommy, that still yells, and is the bad guy around here. But not is a creepy sad mommy way.

But I feel better now. Don't get me wrong, the crazy children are still here, and so are ALL the fuzzy pets. But I've got a better hold on everything. Down to planning meals, doing laundry, and attempting to just be me. It's like I had a fog of sadness over me, and now the fog is gone. My head is clearer, and I can see outside of my crazy 4 walls.

If you did read all this, please just leave me a comment. I need them.

My Social Life

My social life is exciting. Well to me it's enough. As much as I love to chat, and visit with people when I am in a social setting. I am not one for going out much.

I think Facebook is the best goddamn invention since the internet. No shit. I can be social with all my friends, and it doesn't matter if I talked to you yesterday or 15 years ago, we catch up by reading each others updates, and comment from their. Genius.

That being said, I do leave my house at times with out my children, and Spaghetti. And when I do I don't go far, because my happiness is found in the next little town over from mine.

It's a little local scrapbook store, where I crop. Sure I have my big art room with all my tools right at hand, so why pack up half my shit and haul it to a store where I have to pay $10 to do the same thing?

For my social life.

Sure I get scrapbooking done, I've realized the less people I bring with me that I know, the better I do. So if I go alone, I actually have more progress (yesterday was my best yet I cropped from 9:30 am till 6:30pm. 9 hours, and 7 pages done.

Not bad since I had to go home to get my Cricut (cutting machine) then again right after that because I left my cut mats at home (grrr) and we all bring food, and get pizza for dinner so their are snack breaks. Plus all I do is drink water, coffee and tea while I scrap, so I pee about 42 times (8 times really, but you need the exagerated number)

I love to crop with my mom, and Pipe, but it seems the better I know you the more I chat my ass off. Yesterday the two girls who were signed up, never showed! Not only did I get shit done, I also got the WHOLE table to myself (did I share with other girls who had 3 to a table...nope!)

I love to meet new people, to hear their stories, and best of all to learn WHY they scrapbook. If you think it's just to perserve memories your wrong. So many scrapbookers need an outlet. Many of us are SAHM's who just need to get away, and for the busy working mom's, retired grandma's, and teens and collage girls who just need an out.

It's for everyone, and I love that I can make art with my pictures, share idea's and memories, and best of all to make new friends.

I think I like to crop on my own, I happen to be quite the diva when I crop. I have 6 CD's of music I burned just for us to listen too. Everything you can imagine is on their, from Michael Jackson to Kelly Clarkson. Of coarse P!nk and the Black Eyed Peas are a must, but there is some country (about 4 songs, the most I can tollerate at one time) there is rock, pop, hip hop, oldie's, and old school.

I have a seat I prefer. In the corner. Sure cuz I'm bad, but mostly beause I can spread out, and I can see everyone there. I don't pack ALL my stuff (I seriously used to) but I like my space. But I do venture out of my corner, to visit, shop around the store, and when people get up, I ask if I can sit in their seat.

Weird? Sure, but I love to sit in another artist chair. To see how they do a layout, to see how they organize their stuff, to see their lives being documented.

I dance, shake my butt, we do a bit of yoga posing since we sit all day. Sometimes we make a break for the Dollar General to see what fun we can find. If no fun, at least some food.

Check out my friends I made yesterday!

Here is my friend Berry, she is a young collage girl, who LOVES to scrap, she should her mom owns the store. It was fun to crop and eat Smarties with her, to see her crop her friends, and their trips. Her niece, and family pictures.

Pastry girl in pink, made these TO DIE for nummy pastires the night before. OMG good. She crops often, we aren't close, but we do love to joke and share what we are up too. She can crop and finish about 15 pages a crop. Sounds impressive, but she also has her pictures cropped, and paper planned for each layout before coming to crop. Cheater!!

Next to her is Goonie. (I call her Goonie, because she loves the Goonies more then me, so we must be friends. I demand it.) By the way she is wearing a paper bib around her neck. Just a little FYI about her wardrobe.

So onto Goonie. After cropping, visiting and enjoying our conversations (mind you she was across the room from me) I realize that with the details she has given, and some of the things she has said. I needed to ask her if she graduated H.S. in 1996, and from my school. She did.

Weird. Well no really, my H.S. was big (and now is even bigger) so each class was over 600 kids, so the odds of you knowing everyone was rare. So we quickly threw names back and forth, she was good friends with most of my gradeschool friends that went to our H.S. school, and we had alot of mutual friends, but found out the key thing, she was a softball girl. Ahh, that was it. You wouldn't find me near a sporting event. I supported the arts, drama and musicals. No wonder we never knew each other.

Her story of her life was interesting, and made me understand why she scrapbooks. It's an out from her life. Sometimes stressful, and not always happy. I hope to see her again there.

Here's Trendy Chic, and Sam. Trendy is older then most of us. But I was thrown off when I made a comment about the Black Eyed Peas, and she said she loved them. I tried not to look surprised, but she caught me and said "What am I too old?" I said "No, I can only hope to be so trendy when I am older" came to find out she loves the Pussycat dolls, BEP, Justin Timberlake, and she shook hands with Oprah 2 years ago. She has money so she loves to buy the newest tools and gadgets. She has a Gypsy for her Cricut (think iTouch for scrapbooking. I think.)

She sold me on a Kindle reader. She is an avid book fan. Not just a reader. There is a difference, I LOVE books, to hold, smell and flip the pages. She did too. But she said this is so great. I was sold. She did say she sold almost all her books (it would clear up alot of my clutter) but she kept a few.

Trendy Chic has cropped many times with me, but this time it was such a great group I learned more this time then in the last 2 years I've known her.

And Burnt Orange here. She was quiet, and kept to herself. We did talk a bit twards the end, and when I was leaving we both hoped to crop together again.

Also was her friend, that had to leave early, and Carry, who left early too.

I love to crop and get away. Just as much as I love to get right back and enjoy life, to take more pictures and crop some more!

Ready, set... procrastinate.

"Procrastination is alot like masterbation. It seems like a good idea in the begining.

But in the end your really just screwing yourself"

I have to say that I have often owned the procastination title proudly. Not that its a good thing. But that I can rock procrastinating like the rock star that I am.

From everything in my life, I have procrastinated. And I have found that I am quite at ease working under pressure. From cooking dinner, I wait until 20 minutes before we want to eat, to start a 1 hour dinner. (yes it's not always as glamorous of a meal when I cram in defrosting time in there too)

I don't clean up after meals. I wait till the next meal time, to wipe off the tables, and counters. It's annoying and makes it so I don't want to cook. I am seriously working on this issue of mine.

I often have classes in my home, I am a Stampin' Up! demonstrator (if you want more to see what we are about click HERE) AND I swear after 5 1/2 years of doing this, you would think I would have my classes done ahead of time. NO WAY! I have classes on Wednesdays, and usually I start on Monday's, which really mean Tuesday's, and sometimes Wednesday's right before class.

Sigh. It's stressful, and I seem to work best under pressure, I make great cards, and scrapbook pages, BUT I have to ONLY work, and doing that with NO kids, is hard for a SAHM who's DH works 3 jobs. So not my best idea to wait till days before class. I would love to fix this issue of mine.

On the other hand I have been better at swaps. Each month I attend a Stampin' Up! meeting, with my upline, downline, and sideline friends. We share and swap cards with each other. AND those are every 3rd Monday of every month. I often wait till Sunday night to work on these! I finished mine Friday for tomorrows meeting though. Progress was made there!

I wait till 1 hour before we have to leave for a day trip to somewhere. And let me tell you, it's a BAD idea. I mean getting myself ready is a good hour on it's own (shower, hair, make-up, purse, outfit) then to get the kids ready. Sigh... it's a process I have learned to NOT procrastinate on. It's getting better.

I wait on everything!

Putting the kids to bed 8 minutes before my show is on? Sure, putting an almost 2 and 4 year old to bed in 8 minutes is easy! Riiiiggghhttt. So I miss the first 20 minutes of my show...

I have a slight issue with not eating, my blood sugar gets low, and I get all stabby and psycho around people. If only I would eat lots of little meals!!

I attempt to diet 2 weeks before the weather breaks. So I have had January, February, and now March to shake some of this fat off my ass, and I have instead gained 6 pounds. Yes it's that depressing. Maybe next year? Or how bout now? I mean I still don't have to be in a swim suit to jiggle in front of the neigbors for about 2 more months. So maybe a bit of weight loss? I had the bathtub conversation with myself again.

I guess, what I am trying to do is write this all out, and maybe I will reread this and see that it get's me no where fast to procrastinate like I do.

I have so many great ideas in my head. Like we all do. I love this book called "FIVE" it's on where I will be five years from now. I mean I have been dreaming of having my own store. Full of handmade stuff, from my ugly sock monsters, to aprons, and jewelry. I have BIG dreams of all the fun things I could sell, and thought of having an Etsy shop first.

I even set a date of starting the Etsy shop by next January. Which means I need to make stuff this year, and start next year. I also dream of having my said store by the time I am 40. Being that I am 31 and a half, means I have to get my ass in gear.

I mean do I really want to go through life half assed like I am?

Don't get me wrong, I love my life, my kids and family.

But there are things I need to change. I NEED to eat healthier, I want to live to 106, and be one of those witty and still with it old people. So I need to mentally challenge myself too.

I want to show my kids to follow their dreams, so if all I do is ramble here on blogger about them, how will they be motivated to follow there dreams themselves?


In good news, I have been trying to clean up after myself, today is the 3rd day of a picked up house, having a shiney sink, and doing laundry. I need to start scheduling time each day for the art room. For creating not just for classes, but to work on my own dream.

(speaking of the dream, since we are SUPER broke, and on a INSANE budget, I am saving every scrap of clothing, to make my stuff with. I think it will give an edge to my creations.)

Here's to a new me.

A less procrastinating,
more productive,
less cluttery,
more organized,
less lazy,
more inspired me.

Waterrhea

Waterrhea: Pronounced like Diarrhea. Same idea, but litterly liquid poo. More like straight water, but from the poo hole. Note to people who pee a little when they sneeze, don't bank your odds that you won't sharf waterrhea when you sneeze either. Yes it's that disgusting around here.

That is my best symptom of the flu right now. I have the body ache, head ache, stomach ache, I'm dizzy, exhausted, and letheargic.

I am pathetic. But I am resting ALOT. Thankful that my flu scheduled itself around Spaghetti's day's off, so I had him right by my side, well actually right by the kids. ALL day. I slept, if I wasn't sleeping I was on the big move from the bed down the hall, down the stairs to the couch. I was in the kitchen for 3 bites of oatmeal, and the smell of everyone elses food made me gag.

And if I wasn't resting, or on the big shuffle to one horizontal position to another, I was waterrheaing my brains out. I have lost 4 lbs in the last two days. I should probably start my Lose It Bitch diet after this huh?

So that is why there is a lack of me. I wish I could comment, or just read blogs, but I get motion sick easily, and not kidding, to much scrolling makes me gag on a good day. I can't take my chances.

I just put the kids to bed, Spaghetti did have to work a few hours tonight at the video store, that took SO much out of me. Were not even talking baths here, just up to brush teeth, read books, sing song, tuck in. Between children I went a barfed.

So what are my odds that the kids don't get sick too? Just hoping that I can be somewhat better before they all get sick.


Fingers crossed!

A Pooping Post. Litterly

I had to do this post because it's more of where I am and my enviornment that makes this post so interesting. You should be happy that smell-o-vision is not available through this post. Well on that note be happy that there's no camera or webcam either.

Why? This is my first pooping post. As Weaky would say "Eeeuuwweee", yes folks I am pooping and posting. I found it quite exciting that my mom gave me permission to take her laptop in the bathroom (after I said that Starbucks was kickin' in) she said "I'll play with the kids, you go get lost" So what better then to blog from the crapper!

I swear I do my best thinking in here. I often wish I had a laptop in the bathroom, either pooping, bathing, or showering, I have my most inventive thoughts.

Sadly you won't have to many pooper posts, since I don't often get to blog at the Queen and Carrots house. Today is just a chill day at their house, the Queen and Carrots are enjoying the kids, while I get to veg out and surf on the web all while getting ring around the butt (BTW, my mom just yelled to me I was going to get ring around the butt, once a mom, always a mom!)

I hope you enjoyed todays pooping post, don't worry I will save you the details of smell and consistancy, thats only cute with little babies. But I will tell you I am amused by the decore of my mom's 1/2 bathroom.

Its got a toilet, and a pedastal sink, painted cream, with a HIS and HERS outhouse border, they call it primative, mix it with her cheeta rug. She has 3 different paintings of out houses, a toiletpaper holder made to be a out house, always some form of cat decor (three wodden little cats) of coarse a must in any bathroom is the magazine rack (we are SUCH readers in the bathroom, we can make a 5 minute pooping into a 45 minute library visit) and a little potty chair for Bagel.

Thank GOD there is a lock on the door, 3 times now my monkey children have tried to invade my poopy post time. And it must be bad because my mom just walked by the door gaging... note to self to turn on the fan!

Hope you enjoyed! I sure did!!

Feisty

21 days of me.

So I was thinking. This whole new me thing. This whole Go Big or Go Home attitude I've got for the new year. It's not such a bad idea. Might sound funny the way I word it. But 21 days into this year, and I am pop free, 3 lbs lighter, shiny sink each night, NO laundry on the floor, pickin' up after myself, attempting to budget and not blow each paycheck to the last dime kinda girl.

And I like it.

Don't get me wrong, it's great to be all those things. For some of you that may be an everyday norm. But for me it was hard to do each of those things.

Pop, sure we don't have it around the house, but if I was out, or in the mood. I would have it. 5 or 6 times a week, so it's still a sacrafice. Now it's water, coffee and o.j.

3 pounds. Well I am grasping at my 3 pounds with glee. I am taking it S.L.O.W.L.Y. I eat healthy...er... I eat healthy for breakfast, and lunch, I may or may not eat good at dinner, now I'm not sayin' a whole box of mac & cheese, that is SO 2009, more of small bowl of mac & cheese to humor me. Still 3 pounds and I'm still in the mental mindset to do this is awesome for me.

Shiny sink? Just ask the Flylady about that. She says she is proud of me and how I fly. She would be happy to know I have my dishes done, my coffee made with the timer set, table cleared so I can start my day shiny and new.

Laundry. Well if you read here at least once a week it seems I bitch about laundry. I loathe it. I get it, thought, it needs to be done. I am realizing that even with the 18 bags from just Spaghetti and I alone, not counting the 12 bags from Bagel, or 3 from Weaky, we still have a SHITload of clothes! BUT the rule is NO clothes on the floors! In baskets. Dirty or clean. I am getting better at doing laundry more often, (like everyday) because Flylady says if you don't it causes C.H.A.O.S. (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome)

El budgeto. Well I am better, we have $51.95 in savings. And that may be too much info, but lets face it I'm all about to much info and on that note that is $51.00 dollars more then we had last year. I try to keep SOME money in the account, paying bills, BUDGETING groceries, and gas, and attempting to keep a bit o' bucks around for a freezing rain day.

Right. So, so far 2010 has been doing well. And I'm proud of me. So let's bring a few more things in. Like for one thing, a work out plan. Yep, Mamma needs to start crunching and sqatting this fat away, time to bring out the pretty Gaiam purple ball, my pretty purple yoga mat with squiggly design on it. And the fun purple (do you see a pattern?) yoga blocks my dad got me for Christmas. Oh and my grey (they didn't have purple) band. I LOVE the band! Even if it's some yoga in the morning, I need to get a move on! (speaking of, Spaghetti is finally on the same track as me, he is two days into his P90X work outs and diet again!)

I also am proud to say, I have 2 more recruits with me and my Stampin' Up! business!! Score for me! That equals 3 downlines. I love it! I want to teach them and help them work twards goals, even if it's just for the discount!

Speaking of SU! I was recently referred by my upline to a special program for business development. I will find out soon if I am accepted! I think it will be good for me to try to keep growing with this!

Am as proud of myself, for setting little goals and achieving them. I still have more, but don't we all? I still need to work on less fast food (I guess once a week isn't bad, but it's not good for the budget either!) I need to get my but to bed earlier then 11 pm, which means I need to make Spaghetti's food and iron his clothes before 10 pm!!

I also would like to throw in there more scrapbooking and sewing projects done! So how are you doing after 21 days?

I was on fire. So I pissed my pants

So no one reminded me that I never finished my NY Eve story, it's funny damn it. And it's got lots of pictures so it's easy to read. Leave me a comment damn it. I want some.

New Years Eve continued...

Here is Francis and Queen freezing there butsie cheekies off, outside my house. It a tradition we do every year, only the girls, but maybe next year Weaky will come with us too. Frances stayed only a minute, and her skinny ass snuck back into the house...

We even got Bagel to come outside with us and freeze her butt off, we yell "Happy New Year!!" to whomever is brave enough to freeze there butts off too.

So the point of going outside is to light sparklers. Yes we have them with our 4th of july things, and with our New Years things, I love to stick them in the snow. Bagel didn't want to hold it, because I taught her that fire was hot, so she went up by the door, Queen held one, and we swing them around enjoying some me and mom time.

Then I think, hey I should hold one in my left hand, and fuck it we're freezing, so lets just light the other 5 at once and hold them in my right hand. A fucking searing hot ember goes down my coat sleeve...

I scream like the flaming bitch I am (SLIGHT exageration here, It was a little sting) either way I am screaming, throw the sparkers down, and thus my mother keeps taking pictures, telling me it's funny to watch me burn and scream like a little girl, I then in return cry laughing, and COM.PLET.LY piss my pants (not like a oops I peed, like a holy soaked and now freezing to my legs pee my pants)

(as you can see the stripes on my hat, as I am bent over holding my crotch, crying, and laughing.)

Then laughing some more at my mom because she is taking a picture of the sidewalk where I threw the sparkers. Not into the foot of snow, but onto the one dry section of sidewalk so I burnt it. (see Queens toes on right edge of photo?)

Wow. It was one of those you had to be there moments, and yes my dad, sister, and children all laughed and pointed from inside the house watching us. Nothing says family fun, like a good pissing contest, a burnt sidewalk, and fire.

Happy New Years again, twenty ten!

I can see clearly now.

I was over at Cristins blog, Tiptoeing through the Tulips she had this fun link for The Spin Cycle, to weird each time I wanted to right click on it, I got a message that said "Oh I'm picking out a thermos for you" not kidding.

So I left clicked and followed the link, to Sprites Keeper, because that's all I need is another blog to follow! There are not enough hours in the day people! I love to many blogs!!

Alright, so to the matter at hand, I get to put my spin on a subject.

AND today being the special Holiday that it is... MLK day, I thought that should be a great subject!

Ready? Because it's about race. And how I feel about it. How I was raised around it. And how I am now about it.

If you haven't noticed I am white, pretty pasty at that, kinda see through opaque colored skin. Blonde hair, blue eyes. I am Italian, Polish, German, French, English and American Indian. I married a Irish, German, Welsh dark haired guy, who is a shade tanner then I am. We have two blonde haired, blue eyed children. Post family for "white people" is where I'm going with this.

I was raised in a City with many mixed races south of Chicago, BUT I grew up going to a Catholic school, with ALL white kids, only a few hispanics (the town is FULL of Catholic schools 8 to be exact) the Catholic school 4 blocks away was mostly blacks, hispanics and some white kids.

So back to me. I was raised around white people, I heard my elder relatives use the N word like it was any other word in the dictionary. Like it was ok. I was told to NEVER use it around black people. But it was ok to say it behind their backs, and that every race had a nick name. Even white people.

Once I graduated grade school I went to a public school, given the choice from my parents, they would pay for Catholic H.S. if I would TRY hard. If not I could just go to public school. Well shit, if your offering me the easy way, lets go public.

I was in a school where your class was about 650+ students, average about 2600 students. A mix of the preppy kids with money from the West side, the lower income kids from the East side, and then us middle class kids. Let's just say I was open to new idea's, excited to move on, grade school was great but I wanted to make new friends, and maybe be cool for once in my life. (going from my safe little Catholic school to was myself and 5 other kids. Mix the 6 of us into 2600 other people, and let's just say I didn't see my old friends much)

I was overwhelmed by the kids, but welcoming to the different styles, cliques, and people around me. Let's move to my first day at lunch. I went through the line wondering if I could find an empty table to sit at. Wondering if someone would invite me over. I leave the line and find a table near the door, there is an Chinese girl sitting there, she looks up and smiles, she asks me to sit with her. Fun, a new friend, she reminded me of my pen pal from China I had when I was younger. This girls name was Yi. She had a friend to sit with us, Isidra, she was hispanic. Isidra had a friend named Elicia, she was black. It was a mix of 4 races and from that day forward, I vowed to never use racial slurs again.

I spent my 4 years in H.S. making friends, meeting people with families from different coutries, and who spoke different languages, and had these great cultures. I had some white friends who still used the N word and it was dirtier then the smoking habits they had.

After H.S. I met Spaghetti, we had a discussion about the N word, and how he NEVER used it, and he explained his reasons. I fell in love with his reasons. And it made me a better person because of it. I then worked at a bank, and I met T. she was tall, beautiful, smart, and friendly. She had a great family, and was a wonderful people person.

T and I went out one night, to dance, drink and be friends.

Yea, that was me. The gap poster child, in my little black boots, jeans and sweater. T was a stylish girl who had helped me get ready, gave me rules about boys, and showed me how to dance (not like a white girl)

She gave me her cell number, and after a few months of hanging out, and being introduced to her friends as her girl, I decided to tell her.

I asked her to go into the bankers office with me where we worked, and it wouldn't take long. We sat, and she seemed scared. I said this may be dumb to you, but here it goes. I told her I valued her friendship, and I wanted her to know it ment more to me then she knew. She opened my eyes, and taught me to value people as people. Not as a color. I told her that she was the first black person I had talked to on the phone, rode in a car with, and socially hung out with.

When Spaghetti and I were planning our wedding one of his groomsman backed out, due to expense of travel plans. We could be uneven in numbers, but Spaghetti suggested his co-worker B. I said sure. I was nervous around B, he was a big black guy, and was a bit thug is, known for being a playa, of playa's. I was excited about him being in the bridal party though, he showed me again, not to judge.

A funny side story, B invited us to his wedding a few months later, and Spaghetti and I were the ONLY white people there. Let me tell you if no one noticed, they sure did when we were doing the Cha cha slide, and I was the only one who did the confused head turn when everyone did the Charlie Brown. To make it more obvious, they made the d.j. replay the song, so they could all teach me the Charlie Brown. Mind you each time I am at wedding of mostly white people, I proudly do the Charlie Brown to this song.

I have friends that I scrapbook with. I meet with them. And after the 3 black girls leave, they often let the N word slip. I was floored.

Floored.

These are the girls that are SUPER Christians, and way ANTI swearing, and it confused me that they said this. They laughed at me and said some people don't get it. I guess I don't. I still see them, but after hearing the N, word and other nightly discussions of how gays are delusional people that are just gross. I still attend meetings, and events, but just not so much hanging out afterwards. Now let me state that they all know how I feel, and that I am offended by them, some of them say I am silly, but a few say that we should agree to disagree, and that they like me because I stand up for what I believe in. Even if we don't agree.

I grew up with everyone saying, let's be color blind. Sure let's all be black and white, or gray? Nope. I like something else I heard. Let's NOT be color blind. Let's see everyones colors, and embrace the differences that we all have. Realize we are all human.

I love having friends of all races, I am slighlty bothered that I live in a small country village of 98% white people. That they are mostly conservative, republicans, who are afraid of having any other race in town, for it will go down in value. I loved it when my new neighbor moved in and she is a hispanic, single mom with two beautiful children, fathered by a white guy, but she's now dating a black guy. I love it. I think she almost cried when I told her to come hang out on our deck so we could meet her boyfriend. She said I was the first neighbor to speak to her. She's lived her for almost 2 years. We agree on hip hop music, and said when the neighbors blast their country crap from their garages we should blast a bit of Kanye their way.

I vow to make it my mission to make sure my children understand other races, cultures, and lifestyles. That they judge only after they get to know someone. I take it upon myself and Spaghetti to teach them this.

So Happy MLK day everyone. Thank you MLK for opening my eyes, so Spaghetti and I can teach our children to respect others. Thank you.