Heavy hearts.

Sigh…

We have Maggie May.

This is our boxer. She will be 8 on April 21st. (boxers give you a life span of about 9-10 years) she has recently started a new habit of drinking excessive amounts of water. As in about a gallon plus some a day. Thus she pisses. ALL THE TIME. All over the house.

Well the rooms she’s allowed in. We can’t just take the water away. Obviously her body is telling her she NEEDS water. But why?

So we discuss with the vet, We came up with a FEW options. (few as in 5 different options…)

 

First Vet visit.

Test her urine, HOPE for a bladder infection or UTI. Do blood work to check all her levels.

Results

Sadly no infection. Nothing simple some antibiotics could fix. It’s her calcium. Needs to be retested. Oh and her lymph nodes seem odd to touch. Could be because she is older and loosing muscle mass. But still odd.

Price $268

Second Vet visit.

Test for Calcium. Also do ‘fine needle aspiration’ on her lymph nodes.

Results

The fine needle aspiration cytology came back “some sort of inflammation” (seems kind of vague for $152 doesn’t it?!)

The calcium test came back today with ‘Calcium is high’… again. We still have that vague feeling here. But for a steal of $108 dollars.

Price for visit $263 

So this brings us to now.

Oh yeah. What are we looking at?

Hyper-para-thyroid-ism.

OR…

Thyroid Cancer.

I guess they are SO closely related that is why we are still testing for both. AND with out doing an ultrasound on her throat and abdominal and biopsy whatever we find.We STILL don’t know.

We are just frustrated that we spent the last $263 dollars for tests that we could have just skipped and went for the ultrasound?

THAT is a very pretty $400 for the ultrasounds and the biopsy is another $200.

They also would LIKE a PTH test done, to better help the doctor understand what we are dealing with. Well when that $245 test is free. Let us know. Until then let’s just pick one. Hyperpara… or cancer.

 

AND they wanted to start with an X-ray of her chest. BUT if the ‘cancer’ hasn’t spread there yet. And we got a clean x-ray, then we could just flush $235 down the toilet.  AND even if we did start with the x-ray and they found a mass, they would STILL have to do an ultrasound and biopsy.

THEN…

if it’s Hyperparathyroidism THEN we can do a surgery to remove the benign mass that is creating her calcium to spike, her to drink excessive water and stop pissing all over our floors and feel better. And she can live a ‘normal’ life. (and we can stop going through ROLLS of paper towels, and pine sole)

We get NO estimate on that surgery, till we know for sure. (lots goes into that one for price, and at that point we will be pretty one on one with the doctor anyway. So he would tell us before we opted to do anything)

OR.

If it’s cancer.

We see how big it is. We could probably have a few more months with her if we go untreated…

Sadly we could never afford dog chemo. And not sure how much it would effect her life anyway.

Sigh…

We are crushed.

Maggie is stressed.

Sophie is concerned for Maggie.

They barely eat.

They sleep and mope. ALL. DAY.

All the barking, the constantly wanting to play, the wiggly butts, the running in the yard… it’s come to a complete STOP. This below is our everyday.

Our hearts are broken. Our minds are full. Our wallet is empty. Any ideas?

FEISTY.

30 days in pictures.

Not sure if you’ve seen the 30 days in pictures thing going around. Some of my younger FB friends are doing it, they are also photo junkies. But it’s a great idea to get conversation going, and so I’m going to do it there and here.

Enough said. Here is day one…

“A PICTURE OF YOU AND 10 FACTS”

1. I am 5' 1/2"
2. My favorite color is Purple, but pink and turquoise are up there.
3. In my art room I have at LEAST 19 pairs of scissors.
3. I have two boxers. Both brindle, Maggie turning 8 next month. Sophie is 6.
4. I have two cats. Jordan, just 8 and Chloe who is 7.
5. Socially I enjoy staying IN. Too many social events in one week stress me out.
6. I've owned 12 different types of pets. Only 4 of those 12 being mammals.
7. The longest running job I've held is being a Independent Demonstrator for Stampin' Up! (rubber stamp and scrapbook company) for 6 years. Second longest job is being a Stay At Home Mom.
8. I drink Starbucks daily. But not from the store. I brew it here at home.
9. I've been married going on 10 years June 16th. ♥
10. Having children is the coolest thing. I have my own people.

Feisty

The Angry Mom

I went to bed at 10:02 pm. Pretty early, but good to get into the habit since I enjoy my morning silence.

Woke up at 5:23 just a few minutes before Spaghetti is off to work, earliest I’ve been up in a long time. Nice to see him before he leaves for work.

I lay back in bed and decide to flip around on tv, nothing much. Some infomercials, Full House, decided on Boy Meets World. Then at 6:08, Bagel is knocking on my door.

I’m not the old me. The old me, that would infuriatingly yell at her daughter to go back to bed. And leave me alone AT least till there is a 7 on the clock!

It was the newer me. The me who stops myself from yelling. But I still was grumbly. Telling her to give me a minute. My bad for thinking getting up at 5:30 was going to give me so much ‘me time’ I needed to go in the bathroom for a minute.

Sigh. Never mind.

We go down from the second floor, as Weaky sleeps in. (thankyouverymuch) I start the coffee, and start to eat a banana. Bagel comes in, and sits at the sliding glass door, looking out to the deck.

I then remember that today we are going to Kindergarten Round up, to register Bagel for school.

I sit on the floor rug next to her. Just me and her.

Normally there are two big boxers all in our face if we sit on the floor, or her brother wanting to sit too, some one is whining, someone is crying, a dog is barking, and SO much needs to be done, I don’t have the patience to sit there.

 

 

Today was different. Maybe it’s because my baby is going to Kindergarten. Her 5th birthday is right around the corner. I only see this girl. A 15 month old baby. But in reality I have this… a feisty big girl.

       

No longer a baby, sassy, mind of her own, and when I’m paying attention ONE creative chica.

She’s smart. She writes her name, draws pictures well. Sings, plays. Loves markers over crayons, but paint is her favorite. She’s a play-doh junkie. If I had to explain her in Disney terminology she would be a

Tink.

She’s silly, and cute like Tinkerbell. She’s got the feisty fire in her like a Tinkerbell. But my favorite part? She’s a Tinkerer.

My dad is, I am for sure, and so it’s only fit that my Mia is not as girly as she looks, she’s very hands on and I love it.

 

BUT she is a girl, and she loves to dress up, let’s not forget the Tinker part, so add in a bit of princess (but not to much) and you get Rapunzel. Part princess but barefoot, and strong minded. Open to explore, and enjoy adventures.

That is my Bagel.

And as I sat with her this morning, at the sliding glass door, I realized that my baby was getting big. And I need to stop being poor me, and take that quiet morning with my baby girl and enjoy every second, before she’s too cool to hang out with me, or to sit with me and talk about the melted snow.

As we sat in silence for a minute. She looks at me and says “Mom. I like you right now. Like that time I was in the tub and told you that your usually sad or mad. Not now. Now your nice and happy. Will you stay this way”

Sigh. I hope so Bagel. I hope the PTSD me, the PPD me, is gone. I will always look over my shoulder, knowing I won’t be the carefree me before kids, but trying to laugh more every day and do what one amazing mom once told me to do.

She said that ALL we need to do in this life is breathe. Just. Breathe. So I breathe.

I said to Bagel, I hope that I can stay this way. And instead of shooing her off to the tv room, so I can sit on the lap top, we finished the morning, with some marker art. She drew me flowers, and said “remember the other day when you showed me how to draw a flower with petals and leaves and the grass?! I did that and look! Just like you showed me”

She drew a lion blue, with orange fur. A map of how to get to bed. A page of hearts for how much she loves me. Her hand traced then rainbow colored in. And a family portrait with names by each of us.

We worked on a foam door hanger of a monkey and then she played with her play-doh ice cream maker. I taught her how to roll the doh in her hands to make a perfect ball. Then she played with her magnet dolls on the mini fridge.

A great morning of fun and some real one on one time. Note to self. Take the time, slow down, and enjoy your baby while she will still have you.

Feisty.

Local News

A sad sad story was on the news last night. A local boy (who lived in LW Trails) in the next town over saw that his dog was drowning in one of the subdivision retention ponds. The boy went out to save the dog. Neither of them survived.

Horrible story. I am sure it is devistating for the family to lose not only thier beloved 11 year old son, but the dog too. My thoughts are with them and their loved ones today.

Are you chewing on my hair?

The battle for mommy continues.

When I play with Spike, Bagel whines. When I play with Bagel, Spike cries.

(Bagel and Spike playing nice... at the moment)

When I sit by Ding. Dong give me that look. When I play with Dong, Ding comes over sits on my lap (all 60 lbs) and pushed Ding away.

(Ding in the back, Dong right up front, at Queen and Carrots big ass yard)

And normally Thing 1 and Thing 2 don't fight over me. But now that Thing 3 is staying with us for the week, she thinks that I am hers. Well Thing 1 has some news for her. At this moment, as I type this, Thing 3 is sitting between me and the keyboard.

(Lucy in the sun)

And thing one is sitting on the back of my chair, chewing on my hair. Thing 2 is confident that I love her, and is claiming the cat tower.

(Thing 1 in the grey fur suit, and Thing 2 in the stripped tiger suit)

I feel the love here. What better then to be needed by so many creatures at once? And Spaghetti wonders why I need to run away some days. (Usually to scrapbook those I just ran away from!) No really as insane as it gets around her, I really love all the furry and not so furry children I have, that fight for me. I know I have 2 children, but I am the proud mom of 6 (7 this week)

Love you all, Mommy.

A priceless hot date

Eh, I am up. I know, Spaghetti had to work, and had no ironed clothes. Boo, so I went to sleep at 8 am, and up at noon. Ugh.

So needless to say, I am a bit sleepy, but I am up for the day now. I am excited to say that since Spaghetti is at work, till 7 pm, and the kidlets are away till tomorrow.

I am free. Free from being a responsible human to everyone else. I have a me day. An unplanned afternoon of a haircut, and with inspiration from my Worm Meme, I am going to the bookstore, to veg and just enjoy myself.

Come home, maybe take Ding and Dong for a walk, I would like to say I would have the energy to go down and scrap some more. But we will see.

I talked to my mom, and I was sad that it was a nice day, because I wanted to just veg out in my art room. But when its a beautiful day, and probably one of the last of the year. I think I should at least see the sun for minute...

So those are the plans. A hot date with me, myself and I. I know, it's priceless.

A new me with kids

(Trying out for Big Brother season 8, April 2005)

Ever since I had my Bagel and Spike, things have changed. Not so much bad or good. Just things have changed with me, and things that I thought would NEVER happen to me, have happened. I have learned and scarified, but through it all it makes me appreciate my mom more, knowing that she did the same. Here are some things I have noticed.

• I don't always eat first. And this is hard for me, once my blood sugar levels are too low, I get shaky, mean, and almost throw up. I know I need to eat more often, smaller snacks. But I do feed everyone first, and then myself.


• I don't get as much sleep as I used to. Sleeping less, is more my fault. I am up to the wee hours, and mad at myself the next day for it when I have my "good morning mommy" at 7:45am. It's after everyone is off to sleepyland, and Spaghetti is off to work. I finally get me time. And well I have just so much fun reading blogs, or crafting in my room, or just catching up with my shows. That before I know it, it's 2:30 am! Yikes! Spaghetti says this is kinda insulting, since he would die for this amount of time to sleep. Bah, it's overrated.


• I don't get as much food. I am always giving up my food, or my water, for Bagel. And when Spike gets bigger I am sure I will be doing it more. My only question is why am I not skinny if I don't eat, or even as much as before? Could be the late night ice cream...


• I get angry at people who have there car radios loud in subdivisions. I have my loud as all hell, on the highway, and through town. But once I hit a subdivision, it goes WAY down, if not off. I think of myself, trying to get a tot to nap, and the base of a car totally nixs the nap for the day. And as a kid I didn't get it. I just did it to rebel, or because it made me happy to be in my own space, with my music. But just out of respect for mom's and the nightshift sleepers. Turn it down.


• I never thought I would get the mom who was ignoring the screaming toddler in the grocery store. Oh I get it. You pay attention to bad behavior, and you are just rewarding it. And at that point if you do pay attention to it, you will probably be screaming, and who wants to be the psycho in the grocery store?


• I never thought I stopped imagining, until Bagel shows me more ways to see things differently. Like today the long scarf we found with the Rainb@w Bright dolls, is now tucked in the back of her sweat pants as her tail, so she is just like D@rby, from T!gger and P00h. She never stops amazing me with new fun ways to see things.


• I was always very careful with my toys and who played with them. I would cry and be upset for days if a favorite toy was broken. I think Dong broke me into quickly getting over things being broken or damaged. I still want Bagel and Spike to respect there toys but I am getting over the loss of things. They are just things.


• I never thought I wouldn't have time for my pets. It's hard, I mean after a whole day of getting Spaghetti off to job 1 or 2, and tending to my 2 year old Bagel, or the constant feeding, and changing of my 5 1/2 month old Spike, oh and the housework. It is the end of the day when I look at Thing one and Thing two, then at Ding and Dong, and I feel bad that they just got shooed from a chair, or I just dropped there food dishes, and walked away. I guess that is one of my biggest challenges, is balancing the time for not only my dear husband Spaghetti, and my amazing kids, and the housework, but also fit in time for my furry children too.


• I never thought I would finally be able to journal. I have always wanted to, I have a fistful of journals, started, kept up for a week or two... then I would forget or be to busy. Also my brain goes so much faster then a pen and paper could. So when my dear friend MnM showed me the amazing world of Blogger I fell in love. (I have a previous closed blog, for personal reasons, but I have been blogging since Feb 2007.) I love that I can document my feelings, and thoughts, and that I can share them too. I think my kids make me want to blog more. For them to have years from now.


• I knew I would get the mother daughter relationship. I mean me and my mom are the bestest of friends, so when I found out I was having a girl, I was elated, and quickly knew that my love of Leg0's, papercrafts, and creativity would be passed down, and shared. But I never thought I would get the mother son bond. Oh I get it. It is totally different. There is just something about him and me. I know that I will be the first girl that he loves no matter what. He will never stop loving me, and I will always be first. So I get my dad and Gramma, and I get my husband and my mother in law. I get Scuz and her guy too. Don't get me wrong, me and Bagels relationship is priceless. But me and Spike... well the words just don't do it. You just feel it.


• I also SWORE, my kids would NEVER. EVER. watch Barney. And I just got done with a round of "I Love You" well he is good, and he teaches cleaning up, sharing, and loves to use his imagination. Thanks Barney.


• I swore that I would always watch my shows when they are on. Nothing will stop me, but when you are having family time, or when they just want one more round of "See you later Alligator" book, or "Twinkle Twinkle" the season premier of Survivor just doesn't seem so important anymore.

Is there anything as a mom that you SWORE you wouldn't do? Or if you don't have kids, is there anything you SWEAR you will never do?

Boxers and grass skirts

How do I love that face of yours. Let me count the ways...
For all the stuff you destroy all year long. I love to decorate you at Halloween. That is my punishment to you.How damn cute is a boxer in a grass skirt? And when her butt starts shaking, all you hear is the plastic swishin around. You gatta love it.

(MnM she is still talking about how much fun she had at 1:30 in the morning playing ball with you!)