Right now...

I am having a hot McD's date with my #8 and my laptop. Enjoying some ME, MYSELF and I time. Something I seem to get more and more of lately.

I enjoy the fact that my IL's LOVE to take the kids overnight, and my parents too. I am SO lucky to have that, and both of them within an hours drive. I think it's best for the kids, to bond with their grandparents, and me to bond with myself.

I swear that is what got me through postpartum and other life depression. Little breaks, I mean SO many people don't get that break, and I know many of you are reading this now. I wish that all mom's could just get a reality break, and get some stare at the wall time. Not just to hop in the shower, or sleep (even though some will take just that)

My McD's is a magical place. It's right by my house, which is trouble for me. It's an easy hop in the car and two blocks away I have golden arch happiness.

I'm not so much a drive through girl. I do enjoy drive throughs with my boxers when I can, but the kids enjoy eating inside, and so do I. I call it the "fancy" McD's. We have pleather seats, big flat screen t.v.'s it has NO play place which I love. It's tiny and it's my place to chill.

Sounds kinda gay that I love to sit at McD's but mine is more contemporary then most. Very netural tones, very chill.

I love to watch the people.

There is a dad and his son enjoying breakfast, it would be better if the dad put down his cell phone, I try to not use mine when I'm out with the kids.

There's a mom with her little girl, enjoying pancakes, reminds me of when it was just Bagel and me at our McD dates.

The one that got me chocked up this morning? The cute older couple. Reminds me of Spaghetti's Gramma and Grampa, they got their coffee, and there McMuffins. Just enjoying the company of each other. Makes me miss Spaghetti's gramma. It's only been 17 months, and with her birthday next week I think she is even more on everyone's mind.

Wow I wasn't going to make myself cry in McD's but I did...

I did promise Spaghetti I would use this kid free day to clean the house, and as much as I kick myself for promising that, I think it's a good way for me to clean the house, I don't like to let him down.

I do think a trip to the store for some canned Starbucks happiness is due. I stayed at my friends house for HOURS last night. I swore I was just picking up catalogs, and after swapping stories about her daugher and how they found her brain tumor, and how we've tried and tried to understand my sisters Dystonia.

I have SO much more to blog on, but coffee and a dirty house are calling my name. Maybe later.

Again with my Manic Monday! But it really is Monday, so I might as well be caught up! Check out the link above to do your own Manic Monday!

Are you usually late, early or right on time?

Interesting question, after I just did this post...

What would be harder for you, to tell someone you love them or to tell them that you do not love them back?

Tell someone that I do not love them back! I find it easy to tell people that I love them, or my feelings for them. I have found out in life that those you love may be taken away from you at a moments notice. Tell them now how you feel. But if I don't love you back? I would still tell the person, so they weren't wasting there time, or being mislead.

Which would you rather have: a high salary or job satisfaction?

Well of coarse with today's economy I would make a high salary job a satisfactory one. Unless it was one of those we pay you for 40 but you really work 60 types of jobs then no. I really need to be happy where I am. I know happy doesn't pay the bills, but in the end that is what counts right? So I think I jut contradicted myself... I want a happy high salary job, just like the rest of the world!!

Miss me?

So I have noticed that I have lapsed in my blogging adventures. It has been a whole week.

Now to some that is normal. It's a weekly thing to do.

Well if you are one of my two followers, you would know that I was blogging daily. Sometimes like a mad woman, two or three times a day.

Well now I can come up with excuse after excuse. Blaming summer time, or family, but the real reason for me not blogging?

Facebook.

Yep. That little addictive demon, has me on there every few hours. As if the people I NEVER talk to, or haven't in over 15 years need to know what I am up to at LEAST 3 times a day.

I enjoy it. I really do. I mean take for example, Ann Marie. A friend whom I haven't seen since the 8th grade. Or Renee, geez it's been over 20 years! And now we are all on a daily update. I can name all my friends, there new married names, and there kids names, all because of Facebook.

Twitter, is a interesting thing. I just can't Tweet THAT much. I love to watch the celebrities on there, but I think that is still a bit much for me.

I still do my day to day, and often I come up with good blogger topics. I think every blogger goes through this, some for months. Like a writers block.

I also get all jumbled, wondering where do I start? It's like scrapbooking. Do I start at the beginning? Yesterday? Today? Gah!!!!

I do miss you all. I miss comment love, and I miss my SITS girls. So I hope to see you all more often!

Queen of Feisty

The lethargic nutso in a moo moo

I don't wanna do nuffin. Nope.

Arms crossed.

Pouty face.

Hmrph.


I am in just one of those moods.

Took a bath. Put on my moo moo night gown at 3:30 in the afternoon.


I have 6 loads to fold (yeah, I got the washing down, now I just need to coordinate the folding) 3 to wash.

I have dishes to do, a kitchen to clean, toys to pick up.

Scrapbooking I could do, oh and I haven't held a class in months (SO not like me)

I don't want to read, or draw, or do much of anything.


Sometimes I fear that my Postpartum was worst then people thought it was. I fear the mood swings I have is because of it.

I am happy go lucky but if one thing bugs me, or a kid even whines... it's all over. I cry I yell, I pull my hair...


I just get over stressed about stupid shit.


I have issues and I guess we will just write it off as nuts? Whatever, I feel bad for the kids and Spaghetti. It makes Weaky cry when I get upset, because I am loud and scary, Bagel is sadly getting used to it.


How do you explain to someone, without looking like a complete nut bag, that you just have moments where you just want to run away? But you want to take everyone with you? But then change your mind and just go by yourself? Maybe just a cat?


Sigh... hope you guys get me.


Speaking of going nutso, I am going to loose my tree if I don't leave the loft. The kids will NOT nap, and I can't handle it. Gatta go get lost in the basement...


Maybe I should pad my art room walls...


I am slowly going crazy 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 switch... crazy going slowly am I 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 switch... I am slowly going crazy...

20 Happy thoughts about Spring

(My fist Lilac bloom! Spring 2008)

My mom sent me this fun email, listing the top 20 things to look forward to for spring. I added some of my own, plus some fun spring pictures. Living in the Midwest really makes Spring a big deal, since we have about 5 months of cold winter, with the weather getting into the 50's we can escape to our yards just for a bit to start prepping for spring!

I am hoping that I can really put some effort into my garden this year. I live in a 9 year old subdivision that was made from a cornfield. So we have no trees really established (the little ones along the street) and the houses are all close to the same. I want our house to stand out and really be unique!

Here's to a great spring!!

1. The hope of bright sunshine for a few days in a row
2. The first pretty little spring flowers poking out of the dirt
3. Waking up to tweeting birds outside the window
4. Seeing the rain through the rays of sunshine
5. Sweeping away the dead winter leaves from the front porch
6. Cleaning out the planting beds & pots
7. Replacing the crunchy plants by the front door with happy spring flowers
8. Walking out the door with just a sweater on instead of a down coat and gloves

(I love to walk my mom's garden! This is her garden October 2008)

9. Putting away the layers of cozy winter decor and lightening up for spring
10. Smiling at the tulips on the entry table
11. Opening a window for fresh air to clear out the stale air of winter
12. Feeling energized for spring cleaning
13. The happy moment you first notice pink blossoms in the trees
14. Decorating with nests, eggs, bunnies, and other springy things
15. My first bouquet of flowers from my yard!

(My Chives make an awesome bouquet anytime! This vase was hand painted by a gardener friend)

16. Inhaling the fresh smell of spring
17. Taking a walk without shivering
18. Spring vacation (this year we are headed to Nashville! To visit Nikki and Loren!)
19. A Spring Drive By (Check this link out, and get lost in some amazing gardens!)
20. What would YOU add to the list?

My #20 would be the Garden Walks that my mom and me go to. I love to just escape into someone elses garden. Be it traditional or funky. But the best part of the garden walks, is just me and my mom taking pictures and sharing a day of something we love together!

(I am SO my mother after all!!!! Garden Walk, Morris, Spring 2008)

You bet your ass I love LOST.

My love for LOST started when I worked at the casino. I had a customer that was a DEAD match for Rupert from Survivor's Pearl Islands season. He even wore a tie dye shirt and everything.

So he said if I loved Survivor I should watch LOST. He said it was not a reality, but it did involve an island and a confusing but exciting story line.

I put it off, and with all the hype after the first season of LOST, I rented the first season DVD's to catch up before the second season. Spaghetti and me we in love.

I loved the characters, the story, the craziness and how you NEVER know what way it will go next. I know the flash backs, and now the flash forwards make the show crazy confusing. But if you try, you get it.

It's easy. It's a show with the numbers 4 8 15 16 23 42 these are everywhere. And caused fans to count everything, over analyze every leave and twig on that island.

I loved it.

I missed a bit of the middle of last season, so I have some catching up to do there. I did see the end of the season, and am up to speed for this season. (thanks Goon Sqaud Sara, I watched it last night)

I really want to rewatch ALL the seasons from the beginning. And I would love to have the rest of the seasons on DVD too. Those I would re watch!!

For all of you who are not LOST, well you just watch your Grey's (I do watch that too) and your Desperate Housewives (bad, bad night time soap opera) and don't even try to understand us. We LOST fan's really don't get us.

Wednesday nights on ABC!

Oh and for the LOST fans, I about shit when ALOT made sense, when I saw that Linus moved the island. The time thing, where they are stuck in time. I think that will answer how people who never could have met, have. Or something like that... I get it in my head...

Manic Monday on Wednesday

If you were to name the most creative outlet that you have, what would it be?
This one is kinda easy, my beloved Art Room. The coolest room, all for me. Well I share it with my two little people. Spaghetti fears it. And I also share it with my fellow Creative Maniacs that come and attend my classes. LOVE IT!

What spot in your body would you say is the center of your emotional being?
So I had to think about this one.
Kinda weird. But after thinking it out, I would have to say my eyes.

Not my heart, not my head. But to me I talk to much. And that equals alot of stories, random thoughts, blah, blah, blah's... but if you look at my eyes, you can read my mood, my day and my story.

I have faked being friendly, and if you know how to look into peoples eyes and see what they are truly saying. It says alot.

What do you think is the secret to a tranquil soul?
"Do what makes you happy." I know with jobs, kids, vacations, I have to sacrifice alot. But I always make sure that I am happy. Sound greedy, but if you all want to have a good time, I had better be happy.

"There is only one of you." I learned this working in the casino's. When you have a ton of pissed up, broke ass people barking at you to hurry up, so they can dump more into the machines. It's overwhelming, and especially since I was only 19 when I started the business.
I was told take them one at a time. Pretend that they are the only one's there. Deal with them. Move on. If I see a cashier getting overwhelmed by a long line. I go up to them, and say, "There is only one of you, take them one at a time, you will be fine"

"Me Time" no seriously, the Crop nights, and weekends I take once a month, are the big get aways. My little day to day get aways? The art room with or with out the kids, a bath at night, a quick stop inside Starbucks for a drink and a flip through a magazine (the key there is to go inside. I do this when I am running errands. Maybe a quick 15 minutes is what I need) I take "me time" often, I have to.

"Never Grow Up" seriously. The people I hated most in school where the ones that were WAY older then they really were. I didn't care if you thought I was a dork for playing barbies till I was 13, I didn't care if my now husband saw my tent bed (yes I was 19) It made me happy and it was my room damn it. People grow up, and they suck. looking down on kids for being silly, or just enjoying life. Shit, adulthood is crap, and we have to spend WAY to much of our life in it, so enjoy the childhood as long as you can. I still refuse to grow up.

"Wear fun socks" this can pertain to any clothing you love. I personally will have a cute matchy matchy outfit, and bust out these striped toe socks. Why? Cuz it's fun, because my life is to short to wear serious socks. Maybe you do it with shoes, or purses, or coats. Whatever your thing is. Own it.

"Own it" not only with your fun socks. But everything you do. I really enjoy me. I enjoy the silly me, the serious me. Everything I do I "own it" It's all about being proud of being you. I walk in a room of pretty women, sure I am short, fat and have crazy hair. But I "own it" It's me, and if I don't own it, if I don't work what I have, if I don't have my head up, and shoulders back, then I am not owning me.

I have to say the first verse of Britney Spear's "Circus" is SO me...

There's only two types of people in the world
The ones that entertain, and the ones that observe
Well baby I'm a put-on-a-show kinda girl
Don't like the backseat, gotta be first
I'm like the ringleader I call the shots
I'm like a firecracker I make it hot

And well that is what makes for my tranquil soul.

Hope you enjoyed my Manic Monday on Wednesday!!

Mental Vacation.

I am back.



Phew. It was an awesome weekend.



We left Friday morning and came back Sunday night. We scrapbooked, ate and slept. It was a productive weekend, I got two scrapbooks done, one on Bagel and one on the Baptism pictures.



I started pictures of Weaky but we had to start packing up. God knows I packed the whole damn art room, but for all my supplies it only took about 40 minutes to clean up and have it all ready to go.



I will post pictures of the weekend, and possibly, not promising the video of the place I took. (I am video retarded with blogger)



Right now I am trying to get my brain back into mommy mode. I have to say I owe Spaghetti HUGE. No HUGE, HUGE. Over my weekend, while I was reading magazines, scrapbooking, getting a full body massage, and enjoying time with my friends. Spaghetti was at home playing full time dad.



This is what I came home to...



ALL the laundry in the HUGE pack and play, put away.

ALL the bags of laundry put away.

House as clean as I left it.

Bagel 3 days into potty training.



Yes we have had some set backs with the potty training. But she is getting better with wearing her big girl pants. We are only doing the pull-ups for nap and sleep (and car rides for now)



He really put his all into this weekend, and now that I am home, and laundry is not taking over the house. I can focus on organizing the house, decluttering, and taking care of myself.



Lots to do, but with a relaxing weekend to start things off I feel better and mentally rested.



I want to go again to a weekend retreat, but our $$ tree is a bit bare, so this may be an annual trip. (Iowa I will fill you in later) Again I will upload pictures and fill you in on more!

T- minus 20 hours 39 minutes....

Today is crazy.

I have T-minus 21 hours until we leave.


We as in me.


Me, the Queen, Pipe, my friend one L, her sister, and boss/best friend.


We are going to Indiana. Why am I so excited to go to Indiana, in January you ask?


Because there is a quaint little town, with a nice little place we will be taking over from Friday at 4pm, until Sunday afternoon.


We are going to a place where a nice lady will cook and clean for us, then disappear to be with her family all while we crop.


Yes this is my Christmas present from Spaghetti. He is giving me a 3 day, 2 night getaway. I have packed an insane amount of stuff.

2 rolling totes (one is 4 feet tall!) for scrapbook papers, chipboard, mediums, punches, adhesives, and Cricut cartridges.

1 bag for project scrapbooks, scrapbook magazines, my file of ideas, of coarse my Stampin' Up! catalog.

1 carousal of tools

My work mat

1 bag for pictures to scrap

1 bag of stamps
1 bag of more tools, less used. And memorabilia.
1 tote for accessories and journal sheets
1 tote for more accessories and ribbons
1 tote for just solid card stock and mini books to work on
(all the above is packed)

That is not counting the pink tote for candy, and my Starbucks drinks, and coffee. Clothes, and toiletries. (still need to pack clothes)

Still have to clean the house (Spaghetti is supervising the children this weekend) the more that Spaghetti doesn't have to do, the easier 3 days with the kids will be. (he is spending the day Saturday with his mom and dad, cheater!!)

I have been tackling the laundry all week, there are still 4 bags from Thanksgiving to put away, the BIG pack and play is overflowing with clean laundry, and there are 3 baskets in our bedroom to put away. 3 still to wash, AND one in the dryer and one in the washer. Phew.

I just have to unload the dishwasher, and do laundry, otherwise the house is clean.

20 hours and 40 minutes.... and counting...

T.V. Guide

T.V. news...





America's Best Dance Crew, also know as ABDC on MTV is coming back! I love this show, and the awesome dancers that get a chance here! January 15th!!





Big Brother 11 is scheduled for a summer season. Sad that I will have to miss it this winter, I did enjoy the 2 seasons last year. That's ok, more time for me to do some catch up.





Because LOST is back! I have to watch last season, I only saw a few episodes then seemed to miss it every week. Gatta catch back up!





I know that MTV also owes us a Real World Brooklyn coming out soon, the trailer is up on there site. Looks good. Not the normal glam squad, more real people. Can't wait!





And as always sign me up for all the "A Double Shot at Love" with the Ikki twins, and our dear and lonely Brett Michael's is still on the look out for a rock of love, and all while on a tour bus. So sad that the "Rock of Love Charm School" is over, the winner, SO deserved it. And Lacey is trash, and a mean spaz, anywho, off my reality t.v. buzz...





Oh wait, there is also the "Bad Girls Club" Aerial talks about it, and now I started watching it! Looks like Real World with just girls, and we know what just slutty girls, who are straight out bitches, and so alcohol will do for ratings!!

But I must admit, I will try my best to miss every episode of Brody Jenners "Bromance" in search of his new best friend. Yikes. That is just to much. Sadly I will probably watch it. MTV puts something in the damn airwaves to make me watch everything they have!

So between all my amazing reality shows, I will squeeze in my day to day, so what shows are you up for this winter?!? Bromance?! Don't deny it!

Nothing.

I am not tired, I am not sore, I am not bitter or angry.

I am just not motivated.

Nope. Don't wanna, Don't wanna get the just woken from there naps kids, don't wanna make dinner, don't wanna change dirty butsie cheekies, don't wanna clean house, don't wanna do arts and crafts, don't wanna. Don't wanna sleep. Just wanna... uuuhhh... I dunno.

Blah.

Maybe I should put in a movie for me and the tots.

I think the ice and dark grey sky's are getting to me... oh how I yearn for the sun and green grass... I know your out there... 5 more months... just a little less then 160 days...

Blah.

Robbie and Me

Rob.

I miss you.

I miss the old you.

I miss when we were growing up, and when we were best friends.

I still answer your calls. Even though I hesitate each time.

I ignore the calls sometimes. When I am trying to have a normal life.

But your my family, and your like a brother to me.

But when I answer the phone, and your drunk again.

Just mumbling to me. Random. Random thoughts of your family, your past father and mother.

The same thing every time. Your on the phone right now.

I know your dad is gone. I can not understand your pain.

But masking the pain with alcohol is not the answer.

Your mom and dad tried that. And they are both gone because of alcohol abuse.

You can't fix your sister and her baby, and her baby on the way.

You can't make your parents come back, or your brothers be normal.

You can attempt to save your own health, what you have left of it.

And be happy with your partner Gregg.



I miss you. I miss our real conversations. When I could talk too. When I could talk, and you would answer back. When you and me were best friends. I love you. I love you, but I have to push you away. Understand that I need to do this for my life and my family.

The alcohol abuse, the drugs in the family, and the just abuse all around. I can't handle it. I can't expose my family to it. I am not better then you. I never will be. But the choices I make in my life are different then yours.

I wish you the best. You are not being written out of my life, I just need some space. I love you. Gack.

My jaw hurts. My throat hurts, and some Bliss for me

I am excited to say even though I had a shitastical night with the kids, and I woke up with my jaw still in pain from the dentist (I will explain) and a sore throat that is comparable to eating pine cones.

Oh so before I get to the exciting part, I must tell you about my dentist appointment. Sigh, I have been bad. And in return I have 5 cavities. I must say having back to back kids, kept me away from my normal 6 month cleanings, I knew I had a cavity in the back left, but avoided the dentist. Shame shame.

So this cavity, is ginormous, to the point where the Novocaine lasted from noon that day till 6:30 pm, and my mouth is still sore from where he did all the work. It's a big bad cavity, that will probably require a crown next year, good news is I will have a porcelain colored tooth and not the silver grill I sport now.

I just called the dentist, and they said I could be sore for up to two weeks. Thank god I horded all the 800 mg Motrin from having the kids!

So besides the fact that I feel like someone jacked me in the mouth, and my throat stings, and I had a bitter night with my children...

I am dropping them off at Gramma and Grampa Mc's for a well deserved weekend to myself. I do this once a month or so. I drop them off Friday around 2, and I go get them on Sunday afternoon.

Bliss.

Whatever do I do? I have no plans for today (besides Target for a tent bed) and nothing for Sunday. But tomorrow I am going early to a scrapbook crop from 9am till midnight. I am going with my mom, friends Pipe, and Patti, and Aerial will be by later after work.

Just some me time. And I SO need it after these past few days. Well it could always be worse, I know I will have harder days, this was just one of them.

Hope you have a blogtastic day!

What I am into these days...

Found something neat on a blog in my blogroll, about what I am into these days. Just some random things to mention that tickle my fancy...

• Twilight- Everything and all things Twilight. I have a Christmas list for Aerial getting my "Cullen Family Crest" hoodie! And my sister Frances has already gotten me the "Team Edward" shirt. Love it all!!
• Organizing this house- Yep, not like it's big news. And if it is, go read "Where do I begin" for current updates on my waist deep laundry, and the shit shuffle.
• Me- Well this is always on my top priority. But I am on a interesting path in my life. With my family where Spaghetti and I wanted it to be. I am trying to figure me out. I mean I know I am a full time mom and all, but what about me? What am I? What do I want to be, or do?
• Scrapbooking- This has been a very small snowball starting years ago, I would buy scrapbooking papers, and embellishments, but just recently in the last few months have I been really dedicated to scrapbooking.

So what's new with you?

5. Where will you be 5 years from today?

*Live each day as if it's your last... because one day you'll be
right*

*You will never have more time then you do right now*

The greatest day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own.

The gift of life is yours- it is an amazing journey- and you get to determine the quality of it.

Live the next five years on purpose.

Now is the time.

Imagine the possibilities.

Go places, have adventures, make a real difference, do what you love.

Follow your dreams, they know the way.




I will tell you later where this is all coming from. But for now I will leave you with that. A quote from a book. A book that in just an hours time has taught me more about myself then I thought I really knew. I came upon it today, by randomness. Well that is alot of me. Random. I actually thought of making a whole blog on just the ideas from this book. But well "Spaghetti and Bagels" is me, and what my life and ideas are. So be it, if I choose to steer into another direction. Well you just get to follow along for the ride.

And remember...

Don't say you don't have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours
per day that were given to Helen Keller, Louis Pasteur, Michelangelo, Mother
Teresa, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein. - H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

I agree with that statement, and I have even taught my 55 year old mother, that when you tell me that you don't have the time. I just tell you that if you want to do something bad enough you will make the time.

I make the time to read, draw, paint, play, dance, write, cook... we all have the same 24 hours in a day... it's just what you choose to do with yours. I know your busy. I mean I have 2 kids, 2 dogs, 2 cats, and a husband that works 3 jobs, I have my own business and hold papercrafting classes in my house ever other week. So I run a house, a family, and a business, but still find the time to do what I love? Well of coarse silly, I make the time.

So go live your life on purpose. I will tell you more later. Later as in after Spaghetti and I discuss our 5 year plan...

Insanity.

This weekend through next weekend is pure insanity for me. Let me just tell you today's schedule, since I am just home to let the dogs out...

8:45 am
Up ironed Spaghetti's clothes for day job
Packed kids for Gramma and Grampa Mc's house.
9:05 am
Spaghetti up, and getting ready, so am I.
Bagel and Spike are both away, but still locked in there rooms, I can not and will not juggle it all at once. I will release each demon as I am ready for them.
9:15 am
Spaghetti leaves for day job.
9:40 am
I pack children into car.
9:42 am
Spaghetti is back from day job. Ass holes changed his schedule from 9:30 am to 11:00 am. Way to fuck him on any sleep he would have gotten today. You suck.
10:00 am
Hit the McD's drive through ordering breakfast for me, kid, and my mom and dad.
10:14 am
Get gas. $1.93!!
10:38 am
Arrive at Queen and Carrots. We eat breakfast of champions, then get busy. It's the biannual Family Ravioli making day!! Wee! Handmade 165 Ravioli's. Will post pictures later.
1:40 pm
Leave Queen and Carrots house, to take children to Gramma and Grampa Mc's
2:15 pm
Arrive at Gramma and Grampa Mc's
2:40 pm
Leave Gramma and Grampa Mc's go to Starbucks (yes I am a Starbucks Gold member) then to K-Mart in the next town to settle up with the Gold Canyon party lady from last week. Head back home.
3:40 pm
Stop at donation box in town. Unload 3 bags of clothes and shoes! Hooray!
3:50 pm
Arrive home, let out the dogs, blog, check email and messages on machine. Must pack up the truck for the Scrapbook store crop I am attending from 5pm till midnight! Wee!!

After claiming my seat at the crop, I may escape to print more pictures, and feed Spaghetti, since his retarded job works him with no breaks, and 9 hour shifts. Douche bags.

Anywho, that is all, this coffee is giving me the shits. Gatta go before one of these farts is a sharf, and I just washed my comfy sweats for tonight.

Lata!!

Laundry.. never fucking mind...

Is at an all time high. And I mean high as in if I am sitting on the 1x1 square patch of bedroom floor that I can see, then the laundry is up to my shoulder. Not kidding.

The floor space is approx. 8x8 with the 3x10 space along my bed, all covered in clothes. The 8x8 space is clean clothes, and the 3x10 space is dirty.

Bizarre? Unheard of? Well I am sure I am not the first, and this is not the...

Jesus fuck, I swear, have you ever been mid post, and you have one screaming kid, one fucking on repeat mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy... then your cell phone rings. Fuck-n-a people, when I am at home, call the house, not the cell.

Fuckin retarded. I am so not in the mood to blog on fucking laundry. What a fucking buzz kill. Grrrr... I am going to the art room, grumpy, pissy, with the whiney Bagel, hoping Spike with go to sleep.

FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I lost.

I lost the battle of the Scrapbook weekend. I posted before on my Scrappbooking weekend vent. Well they emailed me last night and told me that the other group is getting the weekend. And we were free to look else where.

Now I am way more forgiving then the others in my group, and some of them have already laid into the girls for this mixup. Not to say I didn't share my feelings of disappointment, but I am moving on, and looking for somewhere new.

So now we are throwing around ideas on where to stay, it is V-Day weekend and here in the Midwest the weather is not so friendly, so the one I am rooting for is 4 1/2 hours south east, and some don't want to travel if there is bad weather. I have no problem driving in shitastical weather. You just suck it up and 4 1/2 hours becomes 6 hours.

Our other choices are $100 more, or to scrap at a regular hotel (Boring) I want to be pampered, and just move in for 3 days. We will see, I am waiting on the other girls to give me there ideas.

Remind me again why I am "Julie Cruise Director" because this is way to much fucking fun.

Saturdays Secret. I hated myself.

For the longest time, I hated myself. I was never good enough to hang out with the cool kids at school (I went to a small private Catholic school) I was made fun of for my lack of puberty (didn't hit it till I was 14!) None of the boys liked me, I had friends. But the "cool kids" reminded you that you weren't pretty or good enough. I hated myself, my yellow hair, my white eyelashes (no make up at a Catholic school!) flat chested, dork. My friends at least had boobs, and darker eyelashes. I was the little 4'9" albino freak.

I spent the next few years of H.S. realizing that there were the pretty and perfect (on the outside) group. But enough of us average people, that I had friends that were like me. Average, but they still thought I was weird too. The whole crazy sock thing, artsy, doodly, craft me.
Let's not forget my one friend. Someone who is still to date the best artist I know. She was artsy, crafty, creative. And she was just her. That was it. Nobody could change Nikki. Nobody. She amazed me that she never tried to be like anyone else. I was myself, most of the time. I had a boyfriend, who just didn't like my creative artsy side. And so I pretended to be more preppy then anything.

That was until I was a Jr. in H.S. I went on a trip with my church youth group. We were gone on a 4 day retreat. There were these freshman girls, who were pretty, funny, and just fell all over me. They really liked me and the crazy thing was I was me. The whole time. I was loud, artsy, singing, funny me. And they liked me. The looked up to me. It was crazy.

From then on I took a good look at myself and realized that I need to surround myself with people that get me. No I mean get me, and don't judge me later. After H.S. I went on to Jr. College and when that didn't last, I found a full time job.

I was still with the boyfriend. But even though he loved me, he just never gave me the attention I needed. He told me I said "I love you" to much. He said I wanted to many hugs, and that I talked to much about my friends and people that he didn't care about. It made me sad. But I stayed with him, because I didn't know anything better.

At this full time job, my life changed. I was on a night shift, working with this really angry red head. Holy cow she had lots of curly red hair, and a temper to go with it. But funny thing is, we had a common anger towards co-workers that just were to slow, and ass hole customers.

Then we got a new guy on our shift, he was shy, polite, and a collage graduate. Probably the first collage graduate that ever spoke to me (he was 2 years older then me) he had dark hair, and was tall. Very handsome, he joined right in on our sarcastic rants about others. Trying to be polite all the time.

This red head and I exchanged phone numbers and quickly became friends. Working 12 hour shifts made us really close, and at the time I seemed to go through things and then she would soon after. It was like we could compare life notes.

That new guy became a friend too. But I realized as I told him stories, we needed more time to talk. So we would go to breakfast after night shift. We would sit there for 6 or 8 hours, watching waitresses come and go, switching shifts.

We talked of friends, family, stories, and what we wanted in our own futures. I realized in just a few months of these "breakfast hangouts" that I needed to leave the security of my boyfriend. The one guy that had stood by me since I was 16 years old. But I needed to move on. I couldn't leave him hanging. and new guy is very liked by a few of the single girls we work with.

I did. I left my boyfriend, it hurt. A lot. It hurt more to see him so sad. He cried, and wanted me to come back. Just like I did all those times he broke up with me over 4 1/2 years. I just couldn't. There was something too good with this new guy.

I begged new guy not to hurt me. I was making a big change in my life, and I needed to be sure I wasn't leaving someone for a few months of dating. Well new guy and I dated for only 5 months.

Then he asked me to marry him. 20 months later I married him. That was the best day. When Spaghetti and I became one team. But lets not forget the angry red head. Yep, she was standing right up there with us.

Aerial and Spaghetti taught me that there are people out there that will love you for you. It takes time. It takes work. And I have always had the motto to be happy with what I do. From friends to work, to life. I need people to make me happy.

Aerial gets me. She is a lot like me in ways. We are both loud, bold, straight forward, social, but we enjoy our own time. Stand up for ourselves and our family. We have learned and grown from knowing each other. I don't think she thought she was as arty as she is, until I taught her to play with paper mache' and stamps. I don't know what my life would be if I didn't find that one person who gets me. I appreciate her.

Spaghetti respects me. As much as he is a conservative, he is funny, and I think I have taught him to loosen up, and not worry so much about other people. He loves me unconditionally, and I think so far as parents we work very well together. He works hard for this family, and is a big mamma's boy. I love him for his love for his family. And his want to put family first.

My family has always been my cheerleader, teaching me that I can be funny, outgoing, artsy, crafty and just a book loving girl that I am. And even thought that means the world to me. Having two strangers get me. And love me for me. Well that is something else to me.

I have made so many friends in the past 30 years. I must say the first few friends in my life, Mud and Chandler. And the last two friends, Aerial and Spaghetti, before my life changed. Those 4 get me. And they love me.

This is what made me. Me. When you don't think you mean something to someone. Realize what you have done to change there life. What your voice and opinion has impacted on me. You four. You get me. I welcome new friends all the time, but the core group that are my biggest supporters. You rock.

And with that, my self esteem was built, from the Freshman at that trip, to the people that make my life. To the family that always got me. Thank you.

I love myself.

A kindled spirit

I thought my dear friend Chandler over at Maternal Mirth was being a bit over the edge, I mean how could you love something so much.

I have seen her new lover, advertised. I have. It's not just for her you know. We can all have a love like this.

For someone like me, this is a love I just can not deny.

Go see for yourself... it's amazing...