(Gramma with Weaky (1 month) Grampa, Aunt Donna and Bagel, April 08) The night before the diaper bag was packed, clothes were dry cleaned, and ironed. Stroller was packed, and everything was ready to go.
The next morning we both woke before the alarm went off 6:45 , showered, dressed, and ate breakfast as a family. Take a deep breath and drive to the Funeral home.
We were the first ones there. Before the any of the on time people. First. This is huge, and if you know how Spaghetti and I run, we are ALWAYS late. And now with kids we are even more late. We are trying to get things ready the night before, so the day of, we are good to go. Our moment of early lasted about 1 minute and everyone else arrived.
We had a 9 am family moment. The wake wasn't to start till 9:30. We gathered inside the lobby area. Grampa and the daughters went first. Spaghetti and I were first of the cousins to see Gramma. We then gathered around a large digital picture frame, and watched a picture slide of Gramma over the years. With the song "Tears in Heaven" playing. Grampa watched it often that day.
I think for me, for Spaghetti, for anyone, the two hardest things that day, were dealing with the fact that a brain aneurysms was the cause, and that we had no time to say goodbye. Mind you if it's your time to go, I would say pull my card fast like a band aid, I don't want to suffer, but it was just so hard that it was so sudden.
And probably the hardest thing to deal with was knowing that Grampa will be alone. I know I have posted about how they were best friends, lovers, and soul mates for over 67 years. And Grampa repeatedly told us all how Gramma did everything for him. He has never turned on the stove, or used the microwave. We had to write him out directions. He has never ironed clothes, or done laundry. Gramma did it all.
He was so lost on Friday. It crushed me to see him so lost, and so alone, even though he couldn't have been surrounded by more loved ones. His 4 daughters, there husbands, his 8 grandchildren and myself and Loren too. His 7 great grandchildren. His sister, and her family, and Gramma being the oldest of 9 brothers and sisters, I do believe there were 6 present along with there families. My family came, and so many friends of family too. But as you looked around the room you saw couples together. My mother-in-law had my father-in-law, I had Spaghetti. Grampa was alone.
After 3 hours of family and friends, we all sat for a beautiful song, played on guitar by Loren (Spaghetti's cousin, Nikki's husband) Donna, Spaghetti's Aunt, went up and did a beautiful talk. Started out by saying how much we would miss Gramma, but quickly went to the happy memories of Gramma. And the ones she remembered of her mom and dad together.
The one I remember best was when Gramma and Grampa would eat dinner, they would always have a glass of wine. They would look at each other, and clink glasses, it was a sign of there love for each other.
After Aunt Donna's talk, the priest was up. He started with saying that we are strangers, he did not know our family, and his frankness won me over. He spoke about how each morning he walks a path in the garden at his church, and has "Spiritual Coffee" with his mom, dad and brother (he mentioned he lost his parents 23 years ago. He only looked in his 40's. He seems to have a past of loss) He spoke about what he saw that day, and how it was obvious that Gramma had left behind an amazing family. But the best part was he recited a famous poem. He didn't read it, he knew it very well by heart. And when he said the words, he said them well. He put the meaning into this poem. It's very good, and makes you think...
I read of a man who stood to speak at a funeral of his friend.
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
from beginning...to the end.
He noted that first came the date of her birth and spoke of the second with tears,
but he spoke that what mattered most of all
was the dash between those years.
For that dash represents all that time
that she spent alive here on earth
and now only those who love her
know what this little line is worth.
For it matters not how much we own;
the cars, the house, the cash.
What matters most is how we live and love
and how we spend our dash.
Do think about this long and hard, Are there things you' like to change?
For you'll never know how much time is left....
So when you're eulogy is being read
with you lives actions rehashed...
would you be pleased with the things they have to say
and how you spent your dash?
Loren played Guitar again, and sang some Beetles songs, as all the friends left, with family too. Then all was left was Grampa, and his daughters, there husbands, and the grandchildren, and greatgrandchildren. It was time to say your final goodbyes to Gramma.
This for me is the hardest part. Because I know I will never physically see her again. Spaghetti and I stood (my parents took the kids up for me, and had them in the lobby waiting) up there, we cried. Loren and Nikki, then Gail and her daughters, and Joe, and Tony with Colin. We all stood. We cried. Before walking away, I put my hand on the casket, and said "Thank you Gramma, we love you so much." Colin (just 2) then said "goodnight gramma, bye bye" we sadly walked away.
Spaghetti was a paul bearer (sp?) along with his cousins, I walked out with Grampa on my arm. We loaded everyone into the cars, lined up for the very long drive to the cemetery. Grampa was in the Army, so Gramma will be buried at Abraham Lincoln Memorial Cemetery. It is about 45 minutes away, but since funerals processions don't take the high way, it took us about an hour and 20 minutes.
The ceremony was under a pavilion, and I know that place to well (my Aunt was buried there 3 years ago, and my Uncle died of a broken heart soon after, passing this last July. My uncle was in the Navy) with it being a wife, there was no military personal there. There were so many people that came out to the cemetery. Grampa was happy to see that over 25 cars were in line!
The ceremony was the Spaghetti's cousin Tony, he recited a poem he wrote about Gramma. Loren then sang a beautiful song he had written last week about Gramma, called "No more tears in Arizona" we first thought with the title of the song, he would have done a remake of "Tears in Heaven" but it wasn't even close! It was so much better, and the words fit perfectly. Thanks to Loren for taking the time to write that song.
We ended with a prayer read by the cousins, and us spouses. It was short, thanking Gramma for everything she did, and to give us the courage to move on. After everyone left, just the immediate family was there. We gathered around the casket one more time. All of us with our hands on top. Spaghetti's Aunt Nancy then thanked her mom, for this wonderful family we have.
The paul bearers then took her to the car. We all loaded up again, and they drove us to the site where she will be buried. We all sat in our cars (just the 6 cars now) in silence. Watching them put Gramma in her final resting place.
It was a good thing the to the cemetery and back were so long. You could compose yourself, for the next event. We went to a restaurant. There was so many people there, and they didn't have room for all of us (they had 1 head table for 8! There was at least 25 of us!) So they had to open the doors, to the room, and we flooded into the dining room. It was a great meal, and general conversation was held.
Afterwards, we went back to the funeral home for the flowers, and cards to take back to Grampas house. (he lives just a block from the funeral home) Once inside, I was first in, everyone was starting to bring all these HUGE floral arrangements in. Grampa told me he wanted nothing to do with the flowers (and I can't blame him. He wouldn't know what to do with them, and it would only remind him more) so the lined the front porch, down the stairs, to the sidewalk. I took the one from my parents, and the one from my MIL's work (it was HUGE! a basket about 3 feet long, by 2 feet wide and 3 feet high! It had a huge ivy (about 8 feet long, once I unwrapped it from the basket) an Azalea bush, and a mix of beautiful green plants) I gave them all water and a good home. I also took a vase of beautiful Hydrangea's, palms and orange Gerber Daisy's. (yes I love gardening, and worked at a florist for 2 years)
We sat around, talking, visiting, the kids played, we all made small talk. When leaving the funeral home, they gave an audio CD of the speakers, and songs that were at the wake. And a DVD copy of the slide show. We watched and listened. Grampa stayed away, with his son-in-laws, and great grandchildren.
We planned our trip to see Nikki and Loren in Nashville, I think early April.
Aunt Judy spent the night that night, all the sisters were rotating nights, since it happened. He is now on his own. My MIL is close by, so she drives him where he needs to go, and helps him out. His other daughters are not far either.
This will be hard, and I can't say I know how long Grampa will be around. He too is 88, and with a broken heart, it's hard to say.
I did forget to mention. That during the wake. I noticed Grampa alone at the casket. I went up and wrapped my arm around his. We stood in silence. He looked at me and said "she did it all. I can't even make a sandwich by myself" I told him "You and Gramma set one great example for all of us. If Spaghetti and I could have half of what you and Gramma did..." he then looked over his shoulder at Spaghetti near by with his mom, smiled, looked at me and said with tears in his eyes, "Oh you will." then he looked back at his wife, placed his hand on the casket, and said "I miss you. It won't be long. We will be together again soon"
I know with Spaghetti as my husband, my best friend, and the one I go to for everything. I can see us having what they had.
After leaving Grampa's house, we were home around 9:30 that night. We had one hell of a long day, full of emotion and sadness. I am glad it was a long one day event, I don't think Grampa or any of us could have handled two days of that.
Rest in peace Gramma M. you will be greatly missed here.
Love you.
Spaghetti, Fesity, Bagel and Weaky.
xo...
