Saturdays Secret. Your forgiven.

It's been a while since I have done a "Saturdays Secret" and so I think I will do one on how forgiving I am of others. NOW do not get it confused with me forgetting. I don't. And I am less trusting.


I forgive you if you owe me money, small amount, forgetting to pay me and we are all tight and shit. But I don't forget. I don't lend you money, anymore.

I forgive the ignorant comments about my height, my ever so glowing white skin, and my silly antics that are goofy. I just don't talk to you any more.

I forgive the complete stranger who cuts me off in a store, when they quickly turn and smile and appologize. The smile and appology is what did it. I've been in that hurry before.

I forgive the people closest to me for things they may say, or have done in the past. I CAN not be mad for long. I want it to be over and move on. I will apologize when I am wrong, AND I have been known to apologize when I am not wrong just to make amends.


I don't think life is long enough to go on being mad, or holding a grudge forever. Mind you if I don't call you or if you think I may have lost your number, it's probably a good guess that I was hurt by you.


Those closest to me. Those who are SO close to me I can't just ignore them for a week till I can cool off. Those people I tend to just brush it off. Chalk it up. And just try not to get in the same situation again. Usually minor, so no bother.


I just don't like when people can't do the same.


I guess I just wish we were all the same on some levels. Like when your mad, and I'm mad. And we just call it even. Wanna talk it out? Sure. But at least attempt to be sorry.


When people are never sorry for there moods. Or sorry for what they say. Because they were never wrong, so why say sorry? Because maybe you were hurtful. Maybe you misjudged the situation and now you won't right the wrong? Maybe if you just took yourself out of your self centered world and looked at it from my point of view? Then are you sorry?


Get over yourself. We are all human. Suck it up and apologize. And MOVE ON. Simple as that.


I forgive people. Not because I am religious and it's the "right" thing to do. Or because I will feel better later. But because I just don't want it lingering in my head.


I forgive. I move on.


Why can't you?

How do you deal?

My question is how do you deal? With the loss of a loved one.


From previous posts this week. You have learned that Spaghetti's awesome Gramma passed away Saturday.


She was in Arizona at her winter home, and everyone is flying back home tomorrow, the wake and funeral are not until Friday. It's hard having to wait all week. It's weird, I want Friday to never happen, but I also just want to get it over with.


It's going to be one of those days.


The day where the Kleenex company cashes in, because there will not be a dry eye in that place. I am not looking forward to seeing so many family members upset. And even though it's Spaghetti's family, it's amazing what 10 years of life together will build with these people.


People I once passed on the street, are now some of my closest family members. I can't think of what to say to my Mother IL, I watched my own mom cry 18 years ago when she had to bury her mom. Everyone was SO close to Gramma. It will be a very melancholy day.


So back to the question at hand. How do you deal?


I have a routine. I didn't really realize I did until this week. In just the past 2 years I have lost my own Gramma (who died at 90!), my Aunt (who died too young of alcohol abuse) and my Uncle in July, (who died of a broken heart, and alcohol abuse) so the past few years it seems that I have attended more then my fair share of wakes, and funeral.


Routine?
I hold it in. At first. Just till I am alone. I need at least an hour to myself. I need my iPod. I think up Friday. I think up worst case scenarios, I think up situations that won't happen, fights with random strangers, I mumble to myself, I swing at imaginary anger. I cry. I sob. I get it out.


I know it's my way of coping with things. It's my way of expressing my insane thoughts, and I get them out with imaginary people, random places, and random thoughts.


It's like pretend I guess. I have been doing this since I was a kid. From boombox, to tape player, to CD player, to radio and now to iPod. It's my escape, it's my sanity saver.


Not saying that is makes Friday any easier. It doesn't but for days that there is just to much in my head. I will take the iPod, take me time, get up hours earlier, dance, cry, fight, and mumble to myself.


This is my therapy. I love my music, it let's me escape to places and deal with things in a way I don't think I could in reality.

The above. That should be categorized in a Saturday Secret post. NO ONE has ever known about it. No one.

But you now.


It helps. I just did it. Playing out imaginary anger at random strangers, crying over thoughts of Gramma. Still I held some in, now with kids and a crazy busy day ahead, I can't have a boo hoo headache all day. But it was a release of some sort.


I also have to share that I don't just do it for death. I do it for everything, a situation where I will see old friends, or a party that I am excited about, maybe a family function I am dreading. It's just anything I need to preplay out in my head and my music helps me do that.


So again my question is. What do you do to deal with a crazy stressful situation... just curious...

Saterday's Secret. Love notes.

This is not only an awesome secret, but a tip for great relationships with people. From anyone, your kids, your other half, friends or just strangers.

It all started when I was a kid. My mom would put notes in our lunches. Either on pretty papers, post-it notes, or the best one was on a banana! She would doodle all over the skins!! She even did the same for my dad in his work lunch too. A bit more embarrassing to find a banana with love notes all over it. But he said he didn't mind the jokes. He just knew the other guys were jealous.

And since Valentines Day is just a few weeks away, and giving little notes of love is the big thing to do this month. Try doing what my mom did. All year.

I automatically carried it on with Spaghetti in his work lunch, anything, a quick "I love you" or a recap of what I did with the kids if he worked SO much he didn't get to see them for a few days.

I still leave my parents notes, when I visit there house, I sometimes go to my dad's desk and leave him little notes. Mostly just a "Feisty was here" or a goofy picture I doodled.

It's a fun reminder that you love them.

My mom did these notes from grade school all the way through H.S. I remember when I was a Senior every day in my lunch the last week of school was a countdown to the end! What fun!

But she also remembered when I was sad. I had a beautiful White Dumpy Tree Frog, her name was Ruby. I loved that frog, and when she died, my mom had an "I'm sorry for your lose" note too.

Sometimes these cards are ways of saying things that you just can't say in person. I know I seem to be able to say it all. But when I fight with Spaghetti, I leave him "I'm sorry notes" or when I was going through Post Partum after both Bagel and Weaky I needed to explain to him that I wasn't myself, but without the crying and rambling on. It was easier to just write it all out.

Or even just a cute email or text is fun too!

This is just one of those little things that people appreciate, and to show you care. So that is my secret for this week!

Saturdays Secret. The sleeping Burrito

I know, I know, I skipped a bunch of Saturdays, but with the whole family, kids, pets, house, business things I got goin' on. I get a break.



Anywho, here it is, my "Saturday Secret" post...



I sleep with my head covered.



Kinda different, I can't sleep. Maybe if I am to the point of sheer exhaustion, or passed out drunk (hasn't happened yet, but the day is young) if not my whole head, then at least up to my ears.



Something about my head being exposed. I would rather be wrapped up like a little burrito, I guess that may go back to this Saturday's Secret and probably explain the whole deal.

Even if I am in a car, or just resting, I will cover my ears to sleep. Bizarre I know.

I remember when I was a kid, I stayed at my friends house, Anita (yes that Anita from 1985) and it was hot so we were supposed to sleep with no blanket. Well I had never NOT slept with out a blanket, even when it's crazy hot, I slept with a sheet over my head.

I tossed and turned that whole night. Frightened that I was going to get sucked into space!

I also like my feet covered, but I would take my head over my feet, just give me some sock then...

Saturdays Secret

When I was younger I truly wanted to believed that the Cartoon world was real. I spent years day dreaming about becoming a cartoon character...

Sexy like Jessica Rabbit, but not with that dress and shoes. Just not practical.

Just as funny as Rodger Rabbit, but not as goofy.

Witty like Garfield, but not so much of a fat cat.

I think if I had to pick one, my favorite since I was a kid...

Yep. Tink. She's witty, cute, blonde, friendly, she can fly (how cool is flying?!?) she is tiny (I am only 5') and the best.... she's feisty!!

Hello?!?! I think I was born a Tink at heart. So folks that is Saturday's Secret, I really wanted to be Tink, to live in a world of make believe... well now a days who doesn't? So I wonder if you have a favorite Cartoon Character, either one you think you are, or would be if you could.

Saturdays Secret... Sock fetish

My Saturday's Secret is I have a sock fetish. I have lots of socks, let me go guesstamate count... I gave a quick count over, and I just shy of 60 pairs of socks. All different. From cats, dogs, frogs, rainbow, stripes, spots, Christmas, Halloween, Easter, St. Patricks Day, Valentines Day, funny, Tinkerbell, and foods, they are all fun, and random. (a lot like me) but for "normal people" wear I have 2 pairs of white, and one pair of black. I love fun socks, oh and I have about 4 pairs of toe socks

Yes they are like gloves for your feet, yes it is weird to wear them, and yes you do get used to them. They are fun, and get more attention then your everyday crazy socks. (I have this one pair of toe socks that are bright orange and fuzzy, like monster feet!)

So this is kinda a two for one Saturday Secret. Alone with my love and fetish for all things fun with feet. I also HATE socks and shoes when it is warm. I do not wear socks but maybe once or twice between the months of June and September.

Now living in the breezy Midwest, and when the weather is a sunny 45 degree day, I must embrace my love of fun socks. For example right now I am wearing light purple socks with two HUGE orange carrots on each side, and a small bunny on top of each carrot. Must be Easter socks.

Yes I wear my Christmas ones now, and my Halloween ones in February. Just depends on what is clean (I know with 60 socks I should have a variety, but if you know my track record on laundry...) I will try to coordinate with an outfit, or the season if I am attempting a cute look.

I always boycotted the rules when I worked in the Casino's (must wear black socks) I always wore fun socks (only got warnings a few times!) You only live once, why not live that once with fun socks?

How about you? Take my poll over on the side and tell us your sock life.

Saturdays Secret. Condiment of choice

Here is my Saturday Secret. Well it is to some of you, but for Mud, Chandler, Queen, Carrots, Spaghetti, and Frances, you should all know what my condiment of choice is.





Nope not ketchup like everyone else. Not even BBQ sauce and Mayo like Spaghetti likes. Eww, not A1...

You guessed it. Applesauce! How many of you were just screaming Applesauce! at your screen? Yep, since I was able to eat food. My mom the Queen, would always give me Cottage cheese and applesauce, mixed together. Don't snub it, if you eat peaches with cottage cheese it's a lot like that.

So I kinda ran with the whole mixing idea, and well applesauce is the condiment of my choice. On what foods do you ask? Lets see, everything. It's not a necessity anymore. It used to be where I could not eat with out it. But now if it's available I will cover my food with it. Mix it up and eat it.

Lasagna, Soup, Mac and Cheese, Meat and potato meal... yeah, just about anything. Kinda bizarre, but whatever. It's my thing. What's yours?

Saturdays Secret

Aeroacrophobia

Unofficially this is what I found on the web. But if you Wikipedia it, they say that there are many made up names, and many are unofficial. I do believe this is one of them. Now every time I would type in my symptoms I would get Agoraphobia — fear of open places or events where escape is impossible or when help is unavailable. I just wanted the fear of wide open spaces.

I did get Aeroacrophobia because it was defined as the fear of high open places. Which is what my deal is. I don't have problems with crowds, or going out. I just HATE to be in wide open spaces. (Sorry Dixie Chicks)

Let me explain. I don't like to lay in the grass and look up at the big open sky. Gah, shudder... I will roll over! I can't handle it. The weird thing is there is a TOTAL difference on the situation. Let's say I am skydiving. Freakout moment. Nothing around me, but I am facing down, probably freak out like the normal person that just lept from a perfectly good plane. Riding in a place. No problem, I am confined.

That would be the key. Confinement. If I have a roof, umbrella, baseball hat, whatever. As long as I am covered to some degree, or I feel as if I am stable, then I have little or no fear of being sucked into space.

I really have a hard time when I go to bend over, if I am outside, and I can see the sky between my legs (yes this is more of a head up my ass position, but I am talking since I was a kid) Gives me the eibie jeibies, shudder, and all that good stuff.

Also I freaked out (so glad I found out when I got there) when I was on my honeymoon in the Myan Riveara. Um about 40 feet under water, I realized there was nothing above me, nothing around me but some sand and a few knee height plants (oh and a poisonish fish I spotted, but no Baracuda's!) so even though I am not afraid of water, I just don't like being in deep water (freak the fuck out, and don't even get me started on the motion sickness underwater...) so I read I have mild

Hydrophobia.

Speaking of water, I also HATE dark water. I WILL NOT walk in ankle deep water that I can not see in. But sometimes you gatta. Like when you go white water rafting with your husbands family in Oregon... but then I HAVE TO wear my aqua socks. NO OPTION. I just won't go. Call me a sissy, pansy, whatever. But I can't see it, I don't want to walk on it. Bllahhhaa.

Creepy shit. So what gives you the creeps and make you cry like a sissy?