A note to the spider.

Dear Spider,

In a weird way I love you. Even though you all of your kind send a chill down my spine. I have come to terms that you love it here. And the fact that many orb weavers and wolf spiders call my home theirs, is ok. AS long as it is the OUT.SIDE. of my home.

No the garage doesn't count and I don't care if it's cold or rainy out. AND the basement is SO off limits. That is either the t.v. room, or my art room, even though I have had the pleasure of sitting at my art desk and on 3 occasions had my cat bring me a dead spider (I take that back, once it was a fly)SO again. No go there either.

Now I have to explain the point of my ode to the house hold spider.

This is I am SURE of what I will hear for the next few weeks...

Bagel will say...

Once upon a time. I was sleeping behind my bedroom door,

because GOD forbid I sleep in my bed. I have slept behind the door around the little corner area for about 8 months. Can we say big bed WAY to early?!?

and all of a sudden I started to POUND on my bedroom door,

as if a 20 foot 7000 lb tarantula was going to eat me, and mommy raced to safe me, or count to ten and try not to freak out because it's 10:30 at night, and Bagel is being a bad, bad girl...

because there was a BIG spider right by my head!! And so mommy came to save me!

The end.

Mommy loves this story, and this spider (who is dead now) but I was able to use that to tell her that spiders live in that corner behind her door. And that she should sleep in her big girl bed and she will be safe.

We have stuffed animals of all kinds on watch tonight for all bugs. The are told to destroy at first glance. Bagel is tucked into her bed, head covered, small blue eyes and little blonde bangs peeking out.

I am maybe a bit early and jinxing myself here. But I can only hope that the help of a spider will get that kid to sleep in her damn bed. (don't get me wrong there are WAY other concerns for parents out there, but this is mine. And it's getting to be a pet peeve)

Thanks spider. But stay off her bed, because I am SO screwed if you fuckers show up there...

Saturdays Secret

Aeroacrophobia

Unofficially this is what I found on the web. But if you Wikipedia it, they say that there are many made up names, and many are unofficial. I do believe this is one of them. Now every time I would type in my symptoms I would get Agoraphobia — fear of open places or events where escape is impossible or when help is unavailable. I just wanted the fear of wide open spaces.

I did get Aeroacrophobia because it was defined as the fear of high open places. Which is what my deal is. I don't have problems with crowds, or going out. I just HATE to be in wide open spaces. (Sorry Dixie Chicks)

Let me explain. I don't like to lay in the grass and look up at the big open sky. Gah, shudder... I will roll over! I can't handle it. The weird thing is there is a TOTAL difference on the situation. Let's say I am skydiving. Freakout moment. Nothing around me, but I am facing down, probably freak out like the normal person that just lept from a perfectly good plane. Riding in a place. No problem, I am confined.

That would be the key. Confinement. If I have a roof, umbrella, baseball hat, whatever. As long as I am covered to some degree, or I feel as if I am stable, then I have little or no fear of being sucked into space.

I really have a hard time when I go to bend over, if I am outside, and I can see the sky between my legs (yes this is more of a head up my ass position, but I am talking since I was a kid) Gives me the eibie jeibies, shudder, and all that good stuff.

Also I freaked out (so glad I found out when I got there) when I was on my honeymoon in the Myan Riveara. Um about 40 feet under water, I realized there was nothing above me, nothing around me but some sand and a few knee height plants (oh and a poisonish fish I spotted, but no Baracuda's!) so even though I am not afraid of water, I just don't like being in deep water (freak the fuck out, and don't even get me started on the motion sickness underwater...) so I read I have mild

Hydrophobia.

Speaking of water, I also HATE dark water. I WILL NOT walk in ankle deep water that I can not see in. But sometimes you gatta. Like when you go white water rafting with your husbands family in Oregon... but then I HAVE TO wear my aqua socks. NO OPTION. I just won't go. Call me a sissy, pansy, whatever. But I can't see it, I don't want to walk on it. Bllahhhaa.

Creepy shit. So what gives you the creeps and make you cry like a sissy?