Depression was real. I just didn't see it.

Once upon a time I was happy, SO happy that I was nicknamed Smiley, Happy, and Crazy Girl. I was known for being "High On Life" (my mom taught me that one) and I was always energetic.

I married Spaghetti, in June of 2001, and that is who he fell in love with. The over happy, always optomistic, glass half full girl.

And I stayed happy, and smiley, and energetic from July 19th, 1978 until October 2005. After 27 years of smiles and giggles I was sad, tired, and well pregnant.

Being pregnant with Bagel I read everything there was on babies, being a mom and the life changing events that go with. I even read on this "Postpartum" thing, I didn't think I would get it but I skimed over the stories, comments, thoughts, and get help numbers in the books and magazines.

I had Bagel and even though Spaghetti took time off work, the one week he took, only lasted the 4 days in the hospital, and then a few days at home, and then I was left with her. The baby. I was fine. I had her natural (natural as in vajaja style, not as in no epidural style. Smoke more crack if you think I was going that route. HA!) so I tore from hole A. to hole B. it took doc 23 minutes to sew me up and the pain meds wore off. AND yes I felt ALL 4 pain shots she gave me in the non existing taint to numb before she sewed me back together, anyway you get the point, epidural great for child birth. afterwards not so great, the whole stitches in your nether regions.

 Let's just say I was in pain and SO glad they don't MAKE you poop before you leave the hospital, anymore. It took me 2 more days after she came home to drop a duce. I was scared to pop a stitch. You get where I'm going? Pain. Meds. Baby. DH back to work in what seemed like only hours since Bagel had been born.

Spaghetti worked grave yard at his full time job. He would leave the house at 9:30 pm and be home around 6:30 am, he then would sleep what he could but if he had to open the video store at 9:00 am till mid afternoon, and then sleep again till he worked nights. Again. The sick cycle of that work shift was from April till October he also works at Wrigley Field, yes Chicago Cubs. He's a beer vendor, and that was on days he wasn't at the video store, and could work before grave yard shift started. Needless to say, he was one tired mother fucker.

So there's me. And this baby girl. I had it togther. And I knew that I had to because Spaghetti was working. At times I felt like a single mom (even though I give props to them. BY far. Trying to bring in income, AND raise kids. AND some are going to school? Applause.) I did everything with her, and for her. I often remember telling peopel, even Spaghetti at times "I don't need anyone, I can do it by myself" I didn't want help, or his Aunts to get me videos on postpartum shit. GAH! I was fine on my own. I had this.

The summer passed, and that fall I think I officially went nuts, and in the events of one to many CIO sessions, I dyed my platnium blonde hair.

Jet Black. More like "Chocolate Velvet" was the box name for it.

Yes. Black.

I rocked it. And when people asked why. I said because children make you do crazy ballsy things.

Fast forward to Bagel at 14 months. Bam. Pregnant with Weaky.

I wanted it this way, and lucky that I got it that way. I wanted kids close in age. Two was the amount of children, and I wanted them close. Not like 12 months close, but close so I wasn't pregnant for a decade.

When I was pregnant with Weaky, I remember Aerial and Spaghetti commenting on how they don't even remember me NOT being pregnant between kids. Honestly? Me neither.

Still with me?

Let's recap just cuz I still got a LOT of shit to say.

There's me. Crazy lady (oh and note, my hair is back to blonde by the time Weaky came around. LOTS of dying. LOTS)

There's also the unmentioned, but if you know me and my family I have 4 other children. They are covered in fur. Maggie and Sophie, our Boxers

And then my two cats, Jordan and Chloe,

So note that I am a glutton for punishment with all the pet hair, barfing, and pissing around the house. Let's just add human babies to it.

Right so then we have sleeping Spaghetti still working 3 jobs...

And now we have Weaky.

So now I have my hands full

Two under two was pure crazy.

So crazy that I went from blonde. to black. to blonde to this...

(yes it's a mohawk, and the pillowcase shirt isn't because of crazies, but because I was in need of NKOTB wear for the concert, and that was what I had. And so I made a shirt of it)

It's gotten better. But for A LONG time it wasn't good.

I was sure I had post partum but confused at how severe mine was.

I found letters that I had written to Spaghetti when I was crazy, yes I had to write my husband letteres because the time we had together was never enough for me to babble two pages of random jibberish to him.

So I wanted to share them with you.

Seriously this is big. Because one of the first things I say in the note is that I didn't want to blog it, becuase it would freak people out. Now that I'm better. Or in a better place, I feel I can share this with you...

So Bagel and I are sitting @ breakfast I thought I would write you whats in my head. I would blog on it, but I don't want to freak people out.

I miss you. I know you miss me. I know we need the money, so that is why you work so much.

RIght now the only thing that makes me un-sad is you. I get angry at you because your not here, but I know you do it because you love us, and to support us. But I still get angry because I want you around more.

I know family and friends want to help us but right now, I don't want any help from anyone but you. As crazy as it sounds to deny help. In my head right now you and me are what can help me.

I need alot of positive thoughts. I know you hate when I say "tell me something" line, but I think that will be the best thing to get me through rough days. I hope this goes away soon.

I want to be mentally ok, I am trying myself, but there are moments I just litterly lose my mind. I can not be sad. I can not get angry. These are when I need you. When I just cry for no reason. I need you. When I am angry please don't walk away, this is when I need a hug most.

This may be a selfish note. But at this stage of me, with my moods up and down so much, much that I can't control. I need to let you know what I need and what we can do together to make me better.

So fi you think I need it or not, I probably need a hug, or an "I love you" or just a comment on what you love about me.

Physically I am heling fast. My back and my stitches get sore still, but I am glad to be just on Alieve for pain.

But mentally I am not good. I am afraid when I cry or get angry or sad. I can't control them. I can't stop them. I want to, but it's just something that takes over me. And right now you seem to be my cure.

I hope this note helps you understand what we both don't.

I need you, I am trying to be storng, it's so hard and when the whole house is going at once (Bagel screaming, Weaky crying, dogs barking) It just pushes me to the crazy point of just pure ANGER or depression. It's like a sadness washes over me, and I can't function.

I won't ever hurt Weaky, Mia or the fuzzies. Ever.

I may seem crazy upset, butthe worst thing that I do is just put them down, and remove myself from the situation.

I don't think I could hurt myself, I'm not a big fan of pain. I just... I don't know... I guess I am done rambling.

I hope you can help me. I am not sure what else could. I need you Spaghetti, more then ever. I need you. Alot.

If you could please look in my eyes and tell me with out speaking you love me.

And please don't tell anyone about me being like this. I am not porud of this "me" And I am serious about al this... I do need help. Thanks.

Love you, Feisty.

This  note was written about a year ago. I stayed crazy, or in that sad mode of depression and shut down. Until the fall. I really started to get out of it. And just as recent as Weaky's 2nd birthday, April 25th, I finally felt normal. Sure if you were family, or a friend. I hid it well. I think it's a fantastic trait I learned from being a super multitasking mom, just toss it in with my skills.

Like the baby years were done. All done. Now onto talking, and independance. Sure I've still got diapers, but it's getting better. I feel like my head has been cleared, and I am more "me" again.

Oh and Spaghetti's reaction to my note? He tried. But after our talk today I realized he just thought I was stressed about the whole, everything. And that I was just having a lot of bad days. I guess 4 years worth of bad days is obvious to some, and not to others. (said others were busy working 70 hour weeks)

If you don't know how I feel about kids, check out this post on my dislike for children.

And this post covers me durring postpartum

So that brings us to the current day. Note I did have a freak out moment, cause of to much of Spaghetti at work, to much whiney kids, and so I just covered my ears, and ran to my art room. I told Spaghetti to sit with the kids and give me 20 minutes to calm down. It took me 14 minutes to calm myself, and go back to my kids, which is great it before it would take me up to a hour.

But since then. I'm fine. I talked with Spaghetti today, and we discussed my crazy postpartum. The only thing I asked him was this

"Do you believe I had postpartum depression?" I asked. He looked at me, and as the tears ran down my face he said "Yes" I NEEDED him to say that. And he said he thought I was "Stressed alot" and he was scared I would never get out of it, and be me again.

I told him so was I.

Reading my notes, well it's an eye opener. That they weren't kidding in the brochures that you should call them if you have any signs of depression. I had more of a "Super Mom" complex going on. I didn't need help. But secretly I did but from ONLY Spaghetti.

I did blog once on it. I think I freaked some people out with it though. And I must say I am very glad that my children won't remember their insane mommy. Just the silly carefree mommy, that still yells, and is the bad guy around here. But not is a creepy sad mommy way.

But I feel better now. Don't get me wrong, the crazy children are still here, and so are ALL the fuzzy pets. But I've got a better hold on everything. Down to planning meals, doing laundry, and attempting to just be me. It's like I had a fog of sadness over me, and now the fog is gone. My head is clearer, and I can see outside of my crazy 4 walls.

If you did read all this, please just leave me a comment. I need them.

A big ol' stressed out fuck you.

Bitter.

Bitch.

That's me.

One angry. Bitter. Annoyed. Bitch. I'm sad. I'm depressed on a slight level.

Why?

Because of nothing big. But all the little stupid shit in my life.

When I say it out loud it sound insane, childish, and minute.

Because things like "the dog barfed down 3 carpeted steps then on the back door rug, all while the kids are having a screaming match, and we haven't had sunshine in two fucking weeks, and we have NO money to buy food with" reasons.

Money stresses me out. It stresses everyone out. ALOT. People have it SO much worse then me. People don't pay on things and they don't have food at all. I on the other hand can scrape together enough money to pay for bills, then buy food. Barely. I mean barely as in "man I hope Spaghetti's second job check is at least $64 so we can pay the rest of the electric bill, and have a enough money to buy milk and diapers this week."

Don't mind that the dog food is running low, we need an oil change in the car (as in the light went on, need it) we need to pay dental bills and now preschool tuition is due, that's all on the back burner though...

I'm stressed because I want to start a business with my mom, in my heart I see it already there, but in my mind it's never going to be.

I'm stressed because my cousin and his partner are splitting up, I want it to work for him and his boyfriend, I do. I just want him to stay clean from drinking durring this time too.

I'm stressed because my cousin is looking for any spare furniture, food, clothes, that can be given to her because she is a single mom of two (because she doesn't understand what contraceptive is) and she keeps going back to the abusive baby daddy, who drinks and does drugs. AND she's moving in with her brother who drinks and does drugs... so where is this helping you cousin? You lived for FREE with the government housing, they potty trained your kid, paid all your fucking medical, watched them so you could go through AA and get your GED. But your leaving ALL that not getting your GED so you can move on? Be free? You are a stupid fuck and everything is handed to you. Spaghetti has to work 3 jobs to pay for all that you get handed to you. Fuck you and your hand outs. I'm keeping my shit, and selling it at a yard sale so I can by my fucking family dinner. What a waste.

I am stressed about my weight. It's effecting my mood, my life, my self esteem, my energy. Maybe if I lost 32.5 lbs I would be a bit less bitchy and a bit more happy.

Maybe all you have to do is write me comments. And stop lurking me.

Maybe all I need is a love letter. It's the only thing I ask for. Sign my book you got me, and write me a love letter. I just want to be reminded why I get up everyday.

And if you (readers) tell me it's for my two precious children I already fucking know that. I live for them. I just want to do it with someone who loves me. You say you love me? Just write it down. Make me feel pretty again, make me feel needed, make me feel like I'm something to write about.

please...

and readers, no need to panic, the turtle ice cream cake left over from Spaghetti's birthday is keeping me company, I am as always just being dramatic. But it's my drama damn it... mine...

Twitchy and hostile with out you.

See this sign above? Thats me.

I NEED coffee.

I get my gramma now. And my parents.

I get all those people who NEED coffee.

I once was naturally hyper, perky was the norm.

My sister walked around the house with a "Punish the perky" pajama shirt.

I was nice and funny and giddy ALL. THE. TIME.

Then I had kids.

Now I need coffee to survive.

I mean I can go for a few hours of no coffee.

But once lunch times hits, if I haven't had any been.

FUCK. OFF.

I tried yesterday.

Only because my coffee pot died.

GD thing. JUST got it last year.

It was one of those free gifts my MIL got for working like a slave for 20 years.

AND it fucking died in 10 months.

That was Saturday.

I have spent WEEKS nursing it.

It got to the point where Friday it took...4.5 hours. NOT KIDDING.

To make my coffee. It automaticly shuts off after 2 hours.

So yes I turned it back on TWICE for it to finish.

Finish ONE cup of coffee.

I'm sure I frightened the kids.

I was all twitchy and poured the 3 drops into my mug each time a few fell.

It started at 8:30 am...

It was well into nap time before I could chug my coffee

So yesterday I didn't have coffee.

I tried to have coke.

Still not as strong as my Starbucks Expresso Blend.

...

sorry kids.

...

No I mean that. I was a SPAZ.

I screamed.

I yelled.

I cried.

I tried to hide.

Spaghetti walked in at 2:30. I said I didn't have coffee.

He took over. I went and hid.

Then I went to the store.

I bought coffee.

Canned goodness.

Starbucks doubleshot energy +coffee mocha.

All hail the can!!

(if you don't like Mocha they have Vanilla, Coffee and Cinnamon Dolce too)

I'm drinking mine now.

I am at peace with my screaming children and the barking dogs.

I have my coffee...

which means I am willing to participate in todays events.

CHAOS is possibly over?!?

Outside of having jacked up coffee (and not in a good way. I added to much sugar, and its kinda gross. But I will just suck it up, and enjoy the sugar buzz for what it's worth) I am having a fanfreaking wonderful day.


Why? Well because last night I buried myself in Tupperware. LOTS o' Tupperware. Seriously, I had it covering over half my kitchen floor! Either way it's been organized, and is put away nicely (the cabinet was getting to the point where you just openthedoorfast and fling in the Tupperware slam the door hoping it won't all avalanche out.


I realized my Tupperware also multiplies like dirty rabbits, I ended up recycling a HUGE garbage bag of Tupperware. Yes I had that much and I STILL have plenty to use.


Got excited then I organized the pots and pans and my baking dishes, and in the process I realized I had a cabinet full of a bunch of nothing important. After organizing and shuffling around. I was able to make it my small appliance cabinet. SO now my George Forman grill, my omelet maker, my toast, toaster oven, and blender are all tucked away. Right were I can grab them easily, but not all over my counter! Hooray!!


AND great news, I know this is a freaking exciting post there, but it needs to get out of my head. I am 4 days shiny!!


That means that I have washed my dishes and kept my kitchen sink clean for 4 days in a row. Flylady would be SO proud! Each night I go to bed with a clean sink, and make my coffee for the next day. At first it was weird waking up to a clean kitchen, but now it's almost addicting.


Sounds crazy? I know some of you are OCD and LOVE to have a clean and organized home, I just COULD not get my shit together. Well readers, I have gotten my shiznit together, and wala! I have a love for keeping my house clean.


Don't worry it's not only the kitchen. I make my bed every day, and clean up the bathroom, I have been good about NO laundry on the floor, I am trying to keep up with folding. It's clean, just 4 baskets to fold still.


I am in love with this house, and getting it together, seems to be fun if I make it that way. So thanks to all the books, I have read on organizing, and websites I have been following on purging and organizing. It has taken me a year and a month, to really get it all to sink in.


So no, it's not just lazy like I thought. It's a mental process of understanding your home, and your role in it. And having less stuff makes it so much more.


I have noticed that it makes Spaghetti happier, and I am less stressed around the kids, and I have free time to play with the kids. AND I can actually have people over, and it's not CHAOS. (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome) I know, I know, again it sounds silly, but this is what SO many people deal with. And now I think I can beat it, and have a nice house.


Well I am off to organize my hall closet, purge some coats (there is a coat drive at Jewel foods) and clean my ceiling fans (I finally stopped them. Eww...) Oh and maybe fold some laundry. Maybe...

A note to the spider.

Dear Spider,

In a weird way I love you. Even though you all of your kind send a chill down my spine. I have come to terms that you love it here. And the fact that many orb weavers and wolf spiders call my home theirs, is ok. AS long as it is the OUT.SIDE. of my home.

No the garage doesn't count and I don't care if it's cold or rainy out. AND the basement is SO off limits. That is either the t.v. room, or my art room, even though I have had the pleasure of sitting at my art desk and on 3 occasions had my cat bring me a dead spider (I take that back, once it was a fly)SO again. No go there either.

Now I have to explain the point of my ode to the house hold spider.

This is I am SURE of what I will hear for the next few weeks...

Bagel will say...

Once upon a time. I was sleeping behind my bedroom door,

because GOD forbid I sleep in my bed. I have slept behind the door around the little corner area for about 8 months. Can we say big bed WAY to early?!?

and all of a sudden I started to POUND on my bedroom door,

as if a 20 foot 7000 lb tarantula was going to eat me, and mommy raced to safe me, or count to ten and try not to freak out because it's 10:30 at night, and Bagel is being a bad, bad girl...

because there was a BIG spider right by my head!! And so mommy came to save me!

The end.

Mommy loves this story, and this spider (who is dead now) but I was able to use that to tell her that spiders live in that corner behind her door. And that she should sleep in her big girl bed and she will be safe.

We have stuffed animals of all kinds on watch tonight for all bugs. The are told to destroy at first glance. Bagel is tucked into her bed, head covered, small blue eyes and little blonde bangs peeking out.

I am maybe a bit early and jinxing myself here. But I can only hope that the help of a spider will get that kid to sleep in her damn bed. (don't get me wrong there are WAY other concerns for parents out there, but this is mine. And it's getting to be a pet peeve)

Thanks spider. But stay off her bed, because I am SO screwed if you fuckers show up there...

Boring...

(this is my loft, and where I am sitting right now. It should look like this.

Imagine the desk covered in papers and laudry as high as the rail on the far left...)


I'm getting it. Slowly... I think a bit slower then Spaghetti would like. Like 3 years slow...





What I am rambling about is the fact that ever since I had Bagel, and Weaky, I have let the house go. Sure I have my hand full, two kids just 22 months apart, two cats (who after one to many pissy messes have been banished to the art room in the basement forever) and two big boxers. Not to mention I attempt to run a scrapbooking business from home (not real money, more of a hobby support)





But the house is lacking, it's lacking that picked up look. Not the "not lived in" look, this house is defiantly "lived in" but it's just got piles of shit, and stuff and toys and clothes, and who knows what is under all that crap.





And every time someone is going to come over we just shove it into the room that we won't be using.





So I am trying to stop that process. I am trying to have a place for everything (I am quickly learning that toys don't have a place, they just multiply at a faster rate them laundry) and if I can't find a place I either create one, or it's gatta go.





I like stuff. Lots of stuff. If you've seen my house, you can testify to that. But after a while even us stuff lovers get a bit overwhelmed.





Right now I have been kicking ass in the kitchen. I have been taking a cabinet or a drawer at a time. Clean, purge, and organize. I am hoping for a small heat wave (I am hoping for around 50's or even 60's, to finish winterizing the garage. ie hang the bikes, toys, and get both cars in)





The t.v. room is quickly becoming a toy dump, so I am removing ALL the little toys, people, villages, up to the kids rooms (that should be great for Bagels nap time) and just have the big toys down there (ride carts, musical table) so when people come over, it's still a toy room, but not an ankle breaker of a visit.





Bagel's room is in need of a SERIOUS make over. She is still due to get her Tinkerbell room from the Queen and Carrots, but they had lots o' projects of there own over the summer, so she got pushed back. Weaky's room is fine, still animals and jungle like.





Our bedroom is fantastic in color, a very bright Caribbean blue, I still need to hand all the black framed pictures, and our bed spread is white (kinda retro/modern looking)





The loft is taking the brunt of all the crap now. There is still the mountain of laundry behind me but each day I take a few baskets and go through them. I have bags for donation, and paper garbage to go from my desk.





It's a work in progress, and I want to have a nice home for Spaghetti to come home to, I really do. I think as the kids keep getting older, I have having a easier time grasping the house hold chores along side of child care all day.





And that folks is my boring post about my mess of a house! (yes I have more posts in this little brain of mine...)

Me likey. Me not likey.

This is one of those mommy posts. I want to keep up with what my kids are up to now a days. So here are some likes, dislikes and just general Bagel and Weaky news...

Bagel Likes...

• To be the boss. Of me, Spaghetti, Weaky, Ding & Dong...


• To not eat much of anything.


• To change her under wear all.the.time. (again better then the other way right?)


• To brush her teeth.

• To sing. If she is singing she will scream at you till you participate in the song encourage you to sing along.



• To tell you what to say. (I SO did this as a kid. I again apologize. It is SO annoying!!)



• The new Saturn Vue we got 2 months ago. She like that she has her own door, and window to see. The other day we were all in, and she was SCREAMING (think acid bath scream) it was because Weaky was looking out her window! Too funny
• 
  Bagel LOVES her Sprout channel. As does mommy. She is in love with Cailou, Zaboomafoo, Angelina Ballerina, and the newest Mama Mirabelle's Home Movies.
• Tumbling class! She goes once a week to the park district. This is her first class anywhere!
• Riding her bikes! She has a pink tricycle, and a Fischer price two wheeler (with training wheels) she loves them both. She even has a helmet (she wipes out often!)
• The art room! Alright what kid wouldn't? She loves to draw, stamp, color, and play with her play dough. Painting is for rare happy mommy time, and that is not often enough for painting... someday...
• New big girl pants! Oh she loves them all. Mostly her Tinkerbell ones. She just loves to tell me she is a big girl now! (I love to hear it!)
  
  

Bagel does NOT like...

• To eat food. (unless it's candy, in which she ONLY gets from her gramma. And chocolate and that is if she eats good at dinner. Sometimes we have pudding after)
• Me talking. No really she will piss me off, because I tell such long stories to Spaghetti at dinner she would cut me off by saying "The End" we quickly taught her that was a bad thing. (via time out, and Spaghetti got the giggle from the whole ordeal. Wanker.
• Nap time. This one is all about timing. I have to say it right, and let her feel independent enough that it's her choice too. Same goes for bed time.

Weaky likes...

• Tumbling. He loves to go to Bagels class, the teacher loves him, so to keep him from trying to tumble with the big girls, he now gets his own mats to play on.
• Anything that fits in his mouth! Yuck!
• Food! The total opposite of his sister! Ever since he went to table food he eats SO much! I do think I have a line backer here!!
• Sucking his thumb, but only when he is really tired, and I hold him. It's the sweetest thing!
• The heartbeat bear. You know the one you buy for the little infant baby so it sounds like mommy? He LOVES it, he pets it, and hugs it. Now he sleeps with it right next to him.
• Pinch! Ohhh... he is a pincher. Wookie Nipple Pinchie!!
• Climb. Oh sweet Cheeses! That kid will climb anything he can. ANY.THING. he loves to just be ALL boy!
• His penis. He just thinks it's amazing. I guess I would too. He like to push it, pinch it (found out that hurts a bit) laugh at it. Then he smacks his butt and laughs again.
• Tooth brushes. This goes along with anything he can get in his mouth. But it's the best time to cut his hair. Just plop him in the sink, and he could brush for 10 minutes!
• Baths! He loves those too. I LOVE to bathe a boy. I mean the hair washing is great! (unlike Bagel and her LONG wavy hair)
• Me. I know it's a bit ballsy, well not really. Everyone knows I got's me a mamma's boy. And I love it.

Weaky does NOT like...

• Bagel yelling at him. He will cry, then assault. That's when mommy has to separate and play time is over together. I am noticing the do good apart some of the day.
• Diaper change. Holy jeez. This kid squirms, and fights, and tries to remove what I just put on, and rolls, and I swear he uses SO much energy on a diaper change!
• Bagel getting my attention. He gets SO mad at her!

That's what I can think of now. Thought it would be fun to share!

A staycation of nuts and berries and all around a good time

This summer has been all about staycations for this little family of 4. Money is tight, blah blah blah, I know we are all broke.

Spaghetti and I have now started the Mc family adventures of going on evening bike rides to find different parks or just revisit the ones we like alot.

Spaghetti and are are trying to get out, exercise more, and so why not exhauste ourselves and the kids by taking a long bike ride. Now we do visit parks for a break. The main need for a park break is when a 3 year old and a 16 1/2 month old are trapped in one of those tiny two seater thingies that ride behind daddies bike (yes daddy's bike. Mommy proudly strapped it to her bike the day our nice neighbors gave it to us, and almost died riding to the bank (1.4 miles away) since it was uphill going there, AND I didn't realize that the carrier itself weighs in at about 40 lbs. Add the 20 lb baby and the 28 lb tot. Holy shit. Again why I quickly strapped it to Daddy's bike)

This has now required me to ride side saddle on my bike to either yell at Bagel or Weaky. It's pleasent. I mean who doesn't love a beautiful family of 4 ridding down the lane, all while the mommy is yelling...

"Bagel stop pushing!" "Weaky no pinching" "Bagel don't hit your brother!" "Weaky no bitting, well I did tell your sister not to touch you"

So yes a park break has become more of a necessary stop to sepreate the monkey children.

So this adventure leads us to the Hunt West park. A sister subdivision built right across the way.

We like to play on all the fun toys (parks have the weirdest inventions of things to ride on)

This first fun toy we found at the park. I like to call, simply... Barf. Not much else to it. You hold on, spin and probably barf. I laugh at the picture, because I either look the same height as when I was in grade school or that my legs have been removed from the knees down. (I did not barf though)

Spaghetti has been really into getting his picture taken. NOW if you know Spaghetti, you must know that he HATED getting his picture taken. REFUSED to smile, and now after 10 years together, I have NO idea what I did or said. But I will take it. He smiles, and for the most part will humor my momarazzi photo stalking ways.

Spaghetti wanted to try something different since he is 6 foot over my 5 foot. And so he said. "I want to throw my feet up to the bar and spin, you take my picture. K?" "oh and I hope I don't rack my nuts."

Yes folks like the genius he is, Spaghetti did not think that jumping up, spreading his legs to straddle the HUGE yellow pole would result in racking his nuts. (before I tell you more, the kids are safe in the baby swings about 5 feet away laughing and pointing at daddy. And yes we are the only ones at the park)

In fact he did rack his nuts.

I fell to the ground in a fit of laughter. I clutched my crotch to hope not to completely wet myself. (I did) I was covered in playground mulch and urine, tears of laughter streamed down my face. Spaghetti to was laughing, since he already thought he would rack his nuts he was able to let go fast enough so there wasn't to much damage.

So for the photo opt. I picked myself up, dusted the mulch from my hoodie, attempted to adjust my urine soaked Capri sweats (oh it was SO worth it though) and then Spaghetti attempted to put both legs to one side.

Nice shot.

They also had this cool rock wall that you could go into. Or climb. Or even use the funny 1/2 ladder to play with. Either way everyone played on this. Happy Bagel below...

Daddy enjoyed being king of the mountain...

Along with Weaky Man who also enjoyed his time on the rock wall...

Bagel loves the slides, funny it take her the WHOLE park visit to get up the guts to go down but once she starts she is on EVERY slide, covered, twisty, you name it.
She even raced Daddy a few times!

Afterwards we all returned home to sit on the counters and eat some blueberries!!

(How do you not just LOVE this picture of my little man?!? OMG! To cute! And yes, for a TMI FYI he did eat to many and pooped out a blue berry pie the next morning!)

Hope you enjoyed your summer of vacations, or staycations, or just relocation's!

Labor Day Weekend

We have zero, nada, nil, none, absolutely NO plans for this weekend. Yes this one we are 1/2 way through.

It's great. No one invited us to any parties, or events. We don't have to socialize with anyone. Just us 4.

It's so fun to have our family. Like I remember when we were first married, and we got all excited that we, Spaghetti and I, were a family of our own. It was cool. It was 5 years of just the two of us, before we got pregnant with Bagel.

But you still are tied to your parents, not that it's a bad thing. But it seemed we became more established as a family when we had Bagel, and then when Weaky came along it was perfect.

So when we have nothing planned (besides Spaghetti at his day job) and then just all day with us and the kids, I love it. Spaghetti (forgot it was Labor Day weekend) and called from work wanting me to book us an overnight at a waterpark resort. I checked into it, and called him back and let him know that since it was a holiday weekend, rates were raised, plus most of them are booked, AND Bagel has a sneezy cold too, and so the idea is great, but lets wait till it's a week where everyone else on the planet is at work, and I can budget it better.

So the idea of a staycation is perfect. It's funny but I was reading Creating Keepsakes scrapbook magazine, and the editor's opening letter was all about staycations!!

She was right. Sometimes we forget what we have right here. I mean we have a great little living room that is the official "toy room" with comfy leather couch and recliner, perfect for t.v. and movie watching.

Then we all have our bed rooms comfy, and great for relaxing. The pool room (when picked up) is great for shooting darts, or playing pool, or even rockin' out to the radio.

The deck will be nice tonight for a fire in the fire pit. Spaghetti is off tomorrow and so we can just chill and relax tonight.

Let's not forget about the bikes! Oh how we have loved the bikes in the garage. And our great neighbors out grew there kids trailer, so Spaghetti just pulls the kids along! We love to visit all the neighborhoods around and see all the new and different parks there are!

Oh the places we can go, just by staying here. I can't wait for Spaghetti to get home from work so he can enjoy this staycation too!!

Cofessions of a Tardy and Unorganized Mom

If you read Parenting the Early Years magazine, check out the September 2009 issue, pages 121 starts a great article on Tardy Mom's.

Now I am one of those. And this story is around a family who has children in school, and weekend sports. The son's kindergarten "report card" had 50 tardies on it! Now as surprising as this is, I could SO see this being me!

I have been learning, alot. I also confirmed with this story many of us forget to add in the "load time" which is counting for one last diaper change, or mess, to load up the stroller, coats, shoes, hoodies, sippies, water, cell phones, diapers...you name it. So adding in an extra 15 minutes just for loading up the car, is a very important part of the leaving ritual.

I have started counting backwards when I am getting ready to leave. I start with when we have to be somewhere. Let's say a party starts at 2 pm. If the party is 1/2 hour away, giving unload time too (about 5 more minutes) now we are at 1:25 pm to leave.

LEAVE at that time. Which means if I need 15 minutes for "loading" everyone and everything into the car. Now we are at 1:10. Depending on the season, summer is less complicated, winter involves coats, hats, boots, ugg. We may need about 20 minutes to leave. Weather too adds into drive time, good god at this rate a 2 pm party means I should leave at 9 am!

Don't forget the time it takes for me to pack. Just a day of errands? A diaper bag for Weaky, and some extra clothes for Bagel. I pack a small cooler, with snacks and sippies, extra milk too.

But I guess getting this all out the night before and ready would be ideal. I guess also planning to run the errands or the store, prior to my normal spur of the moment idea, while the kids are grumpy and in desperate need of naps would be genius on my part too.

I want to be organized. I don't need to be OCD, and obsessive about a schedule. I don't ever see that one happening. (yes friends. laugh to yourself. I know, I know) but maybe a bit less carefree about my planning, get a schedule down for events. Get things together the night before, and maybe there would be less hostility on my part getting the dogs to there crates, the kids in the car and more happiness in the car, a happy ride. v.s. a non speeding, but get the eff out of my way mom who snaps at every whine and sippy cup plea.

Even with out the kids around. Let's say I have a free day! I again, am late. Why? I mean I have NO one but myself to get ready. But I am so involved in enjoying my free time, strolling around the house, rocking out to loud music, reading a magazine, scrolling around online, that I still forget I take forever to pack myself up and get ready to go also.

About a year ago, well even before that I started reading organizing books. (I know some of you this comes natural, and you may think a book on this is silly. But to people like me I need it ALL spelled out, the notes and lists prewritten. Hand held through the WHOLE process) These books along with the help of Flylady have really started me in the right direction. I have reminders emailed, Facebooked, and Twittered to me to do my laundry, clean up a "hot spot,"shine my sink before bed, put on my shoes to clean the house. I mean this whole housewife thing is hard. And adding SAHM to the list is insane!

How about a Personal Banker refinancing a mortgage for someone?

Need IRA advice?

Cashier at a Casino paying out $14,000 dollars to someone?

Holding down a 85 lb Rottweiler to get a nail trim?

Route the schedule and map for a concrete company to deliver underground pipes to ComEd work site in Chicago?

Short order cook at a very popular pizza restaurant during the weekend rush?


Sure. I did all those things. Fast, and efficiently.

But after thinking about it, those are all hard jobs too. But after some wondering why I just can't master the multitasking of this job? I mean it's my house, my stuff, my rules, my kids, my schedule?

Oh... that's it, isn't it?...

It's my responsibility. That's why. Because I am the boss. And since I seem to be a bit more relaxed and wing it 99% of the time, and the thought of a daily schedule, seems not so freeing to me. I balk at the thought of being so strict with myself.

But after reading this article, and understanding that even though my kids are not in any school (yet! Next fall!) or activities (Tumbling in a few months!) I really need to just get my day to day errands set, my things more organized around the house.

And with this I am realizing that with a bit less of mess, or a lot less of mess, my life and chaos may go to the wayside.

I need to warn you about the next picture. Some of you may real back in your computer chairs, or turn your heads like a curious puppy wondering if this was staged for blogging purpose.

Umm... sadly. No.

This is my bedroom floor. I do live out of laundry baskets, and the floor. This picture was taken yesterday. This is something I seriously fail in. I hate laundry to no end, I think it is the worst punishment for anyone to have to do.

If you don't know, I have started a whole separate blog on organizing my house (you guessed right that that blog ended faster then it started. But check out this post on my 18 lonely socks. I have often posted about a hate I have for laundry, and I would join a nudist colony if I could.

You have to want to be organized. Again may be silly to some to not want to be organized. But I had to want to put the effort into it.

I want to put the effort into it.

See how "Sleeping with the Enemy" my cabinets are?

And there was a point where you couldn't even see the bathroom floor there was so many clothes on it. The counters were full of clothes, and just stuff. Now this is the cleanest room in my house.

I am trying. I will get this. And I do believe my schedule will reflect my home.
(yes I painted the bathroom with no tape on purpose. And that is an original Blue Man Group painting done on stage sold for $40 after the show, first one to get there gets it!)

What is in Weaky's diaper, mom?

While changing Weaky's diaper, Bagel walks over. Looking confused she (finally) asks me,

"Mom, what is that in Weaky's diaper?"

I wasn't surprised, knowing this was coming, and actually surprised it wasn't sooner, I told her it was Weaky's weenie.

She said "ok, I'm going to go play now"

So what do you call it? For a boy? What do you call girl parts? So far Bagel just calls it all her butt.

Walking Weaky Men

Enjoy history in the making. Weaky man took not only his first steps today, but alot of them. We would have him walk from the hall to the couch and back, about 15 feet. It was so great for Spaghetti and me to both be present for this!

At 15 1/2 months old, I wasn't worried, but we weren't not trying to get him to walk at every chance. This was Tuesday the 11th of August when he first walked.

Now not even a week later, he will just get up and walk to where he wants to go! I am so excited to have my little man walking! Congrats Weaky! Love you!!


This my devoted readers is the handsomest little man I have ever seen!

I mean can you resist the Frankenstein walk?

He was SO proud of himself walking today, he would clap and yell just like we would.

Spaghetti and Bagel cheering him on...

AAAAaaaaa!!! A thumbs up from Daddy and Weaky! (I know, D, not a high 5)

Opperation Attic now renamed Opperation Insanity

I have decided (yesterday) to clean out, purge and organize my attic space.

Now let me explain to you what my attic space is. It is the storage above my garage, and in front of Weaky's room. The trap door to get there was in the garage. You needed a 8 foot ladder just to get up there and don't even think about storing anything useful up there.

Pain in the ass.

So I became all genius like (momentarily) and asked my ever so handy father, Carrots, to cut a hole in Weaky's wall (in his closet) and create a door to this attic space. Then covering the original trap door in the floor. Hope that explained it is not over the house, yet is still attic like.

Attic like as in there is NO air flow, so the fact that I chose the end of July on a 80 degree day to do it, and with my 3 year old and my 15 month old is just retarded.

BUT I am getting somewhere. I have purged, organized, and am organizing the toys. Thank god when the Queen (my mom) gave me all my hand me down toys (bins, and bins, and bins full) she had them all labeled and in nice bins. Fabulous! So I rearranged them by age. Burring the barbie houses for now, and pulling out the care bears and Nerfuls (see below)

I also have the fisher price main street with all the cars and people out.

I am leaving the Barbies, Thundercats, Precious Places, O'Jenny, Sulvanians, and god only know what else to when the kids get older.

It is quite the toy shuffle, and dragging ALL the bags of baby clothes out, only makes me cringe at the thought of having to go through them. Ugg.

Thank god it's all on the second floor and not on the first. (Spaghetti is having a friend over for dinner. And this project will SO not be even near clean) I am hoping after dinner, the boys will go to the basement media room, and leave me be.

It also doesn't help that Weaky's room is the only way into this attic space. And since he is teething, he naps for HOURS, great for me, but bad for progress.

So I do have a question for you all. Please answer, even you lurkers should participate...

Q. How many different places in your house do you have toys? Is it one general room? Or each child's bedroom?

Thanks for your input. For now Weaky is napping, so Operation Attic is halted. Stay tuned for more exciting toy organizing new.