A big ol' stressed out fuck you.

Bitter.

Bitch.

That's me.

One angry. Bitter. Annoyed. Bitch. I'm sad. I'm depressed on a slight level.

Why?

Because of nothing big. But all the little stupid shit in my life.

When I say it out loud it sound insane, childish, and minute.

Because things like "the dog barfed down 3 carpeted steps then on the back door rug, all while the kids are having a screaming match, and we haven't had sunshine in two fucking weeks, and we have NO money to buy food with" reasons.

Money stresses me out. It stresses everyone out. ALOT. People have it SO much worse then me. People don't pay on things and they don't have food at all. I on the other hand can scrape together enough money to pay for bills, then buy food. Barely. I mean barely as in "man I hope Spaghetti's second job check is at least $64 so we can pay the rest of the electric bill, and have a enough money to buy milk and diapers this week."

Don't mind that the dog food is running low, we need an oil change in the car (as in the light went on, need it) we need to pay dental bills and now preschool tuition is due, that's all on the back burner though...

I'm stressed because I want to start a business with my mom, in my heart I see it already there, but in my mind it's never going to be.

I'm stressed because my cousin and his partner are splitting up, I want it to work for him and his boyfriend, I do. I just want him to stay clean from drinking durring this time too.

I'm stressed because my cousin is looking for any spare furniture, food, clothes, that can be given to her because she is a single mom of two (because she doesn't understand what contraceptive is) and she keeps going back to the abusive baby daddy, who drinks and does drugs. AND she's moving in with her brother who drinks and does drugs... so where is this helping you cousin? You lived for FREE with the government housing, they potty trained your kid, paid all your fucking medical, watched them so you could go through AA and get your GED. But your leaving ALL that not getting your GED so you can move on? Be free? You are a stupid fuck and everything is handed to you. Spaghetti has to work 3 jobs to pay for all that you get handed to you. Fuck you and your hand outs. I'm keeping my shit, and selling it at a yard sale so I can by my fucking family dinner. What a waste.

I am stressed about my weight. It's effecting my mood, my life, my self esteem, my energy. Maybe if I lost 32.5 lbs I would be a bit less bitchy and a bit more happy.

Maybe all you have to do is write me comments. And stop lurking me.

Maybe all I need is a love letter. It's the only thing I ask for. Sign my book you got me, and write me a love letter. I just want to be reminded why I get up everyday.

And if you (readers) tell me it's for my two precious children I already fucking know that. I live for them. I just want to do it with someone who loves me. You say you love me? Just write it down. Make me feel pretty again, make me feel needed, make me feel like I'm something to write about.

please...

and readers, no need to panic, the turtle ice cream cake left over from Spaghetti's birthday is keeping me company, I am as always just being dramatic. But it's my drama damn it... mine...