A year ago today.

This was my post a year ago today.
It's sad that today is Spaghetti's Birthday,  but it will never be the same. That it's been one year since his Gramma left us. Sure at 88 you've lived a great long life, with SO many memories, and family to carry on your memory.

But last year we thought it was a heart attack, finding out it was a brain aneurysm that actually killed her. Right there. Eating lunch, mid conversation. And poof. She fell over. Every time we talk about it my heart hurts, for the fact that no good byes were said. Sure I don't want a long painful death, but I want to say good bye.

In this year we tried to cope. We tried first to hold Easter at Grampa's house, he broke down at dinner, and fled to his room. Crying for an hour. He refuses to host any family event again.

I hosted a mini 4th of July, with Cuz and her mom and dad, Aunt N. and Uncle T, Gramma & Grampa Mc, Great Grampa, Queen, Carrots and Frances. It was nice, small but nice.

In September, Aunt J had a Nascar party, we bought our new Saturn Vue that day, but made the treck to see the family. I had a long conversation with Uncle T. that day about cars, our pool, yard work, and anything else we talked about. Glad I did, that was the last time I saw him. He passed away just a month later to a what everyone thought was the flu, ended up being a stage 4 brain cancer, and left him in a veggie like state for 21 days.

Thanksgiving was hard. The family split two ways. Some to Aunt J's to be together, and some to my parents (that is where I will always go) to be together. I knew something had to be done for Christmas.

I vollenteered our house. We fit all 25 people in, everyone played games, sang songs, and we had the traditional Santa visit, Cuz was Santa's helper as she always has been. It was a new start. To a new life, to get over that bump in the road. That stop and look around moment wondering what will change.

My MIL try's to keep her dad busy all the time. Often having dinner with him, hanging out with him, my FIL too. Taking him to lunch, or out to see us. He goes to visit Gramma a few times a week at the cemetary. It's an hour drive for him. Sadly his son-in-law, Uncle T is burried within walking distance from Gramma. Is it good or bad that he goes to see her so often? Some say bad, like he needs to move on.

If I lost Spaghetti, I would go see him often. I did with my Grammas, and grampa too. It helps to heal the pain.

I hope I can keep the family together. Look at me, the in-law trying to keep the family together. The best I can do is offer to have everyone over, and move on. Remembering that life goes on. We never forget. We always remember, we tell stories, and memories, and keep traditions. But we move on.

I love and miss you Gramma, I think of you often.

Thank you for everything, for teaching me one thing about hosting. That is NEVER wash your floors before the party! People are just messy and won't notice. You will have to wash them afterwards anyway!


Always,