How do you deal?

My question is how do you deal? With the loss of a loved one.


From previous posts this week. You have learned that Spaghetti's awesome Gramma passed away Saturday.


She was in Arizona at her winter home, and everyone is flying back home tomorrow, the wake and funeral are not until Friday. It's hard having to wait all week. It's weird, I want Friday to never happen, but I also just want to get it over with.


It's going to be one of those days.


The day where the Kleenex company cashes in, because there will not be a dry eye in that place. I am not looking forward to seeing so many family members upset. And even though it's Spaghetti's family, it's amazing what 10 years of life together will build with these people.


People I once passed on the street, are now some of my closest family members. I can't think of what to say to my Mother IL, I watched my own mom cry 18 years ago when she had to bury her mom. Everyone was SO close to Gramma. It will be a very melancholy day.


So back to the question at hand. How do you deal?


I have a routine. I didn't really realize I did until this week. In just the past 2 years I have lost my own Gramma (who died at 90!), my Aunt (who died too young of alcohol abuse) and my Uncle in July, (who died of a broken heart, and alcohol abuse) so the past few years it seems that I have attended more then my fair share of wakes, and funeral.


Routine?
I hold it in. At first. Just till I am alone. I need at least an hour to myself. I need my iPod. I think up Friday. I think up worst case scenarios, I think up situations that won't happen, fights with random strangers, I mumble to myself, I swing at imaginary anger. I cry. I sob. I get it out.


I know it's my way of coping with things. It's my way of expressing my insane thoughts, and I get them out with imaginary people, random places, and random thoughts.


It's like pretend I guess. I have been doing this since I was a kid. From boombox, to tape player, to CD player, to radio and now to iPod. It's my escape, it's my sanity saver.


Not saying that is makes Friday any easier. It doesn't but for days that there is just to much in my head. I will take the iPod, take me time, get up hours earlier, dance, cry, fight, and mumble to myself.


This is my therapy. I love my music, it let's me escape to places and deal with things in a way I don't think I could in reality.

The above. That should be categorized in a Saturday Secret post. NO ONE has ever known about it. No one.

But you now.


It helps. I just did it. Playing out imaginary anger at random strangers, crying over thoughts of Gramma. Still I held some in, now with kids and a crazy busy day ahead, I can't have a boo hoo headache all day. But it was a release of some sort.


I also have to share that I don't just do it for death. I do it for everything, a situation where I will see old friends, or a party that I am excited about, maybe a family function I am dreading. It's just anything I need to preplay out in my head and my music helps me do that.


So again my question is. What do you do to deal with a crazy stressful situation... just curious...