November 19th 2006

It was a cold November day, a Sunday. My parents called and asked if I wanted to meet them over at my cousins house. To visit with Gramma. She had been sick with a cold, and I was apprehensive with Bagel, since she was so young, I didn't want her to get sick too.

But I went, it had been a few weeks since I had seen Gramma, and I knew how she lit up when I would bring Bagel to see her. I remember sitting on the couch in Kim's front room, with Gramma, everyone else bsing in the kitchen.

Gramma just didn't want to take her eyes off Bagel. She was just amazed at her. Now in 90 years, 15 grandkids, almost just as many great grand kids, and Bagel being one of them, and she even had 3 great great grandkids, well I just didn't get the excitement over one more.

I do know that I was lucky to have Gramma around. Frances and I were the daughters of Gramma's baby boy. My dad was born to my Gramma when she was 34! And back in that day, you started with kids way earlier. So yeah, I don't think my dad was planned. She had already had a set of twin boys, and two girls.

So when my parents had me and Frances, it was like starting all over again for Gramma. Most of my cousins were around when my parent got married, some where in the wedding! And I am closer to my cousin's kids age, then my actual cousins.

Gramma lived just a few miles up the road. My one aunt lived in Florida, the other in Arizona (hi Scuz!) one of the twin uncles passed away 3 months before I was born, and the other uncle, well he did his own thing.

My dad and mom were always, and still are extremely close with family, and so every Sunday we would go to church, then to eat, then visit with my Gramma (Grampa too) all day.

My mom is a Holiday fanatic! She always decorates, and hosts some kinda food. So every Easter, 4th of July, Labor Day, Memorial Day, Birthday (cept her own, then my Gramma would cook) Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas eve and Day. Gramma would be over.

It's true I didn't realize how lucky I was to always have Gramma around, until she was gone. It makes me happy that she was able to meet Bagel. She was staying with my aunt in Florida when she was born, but was home to see her just a few days after she was born.

Gramma loved to see Bagel, and my parents just moved to there new house in the woods. My Gramma loved to stay with my parents, and if Bagel was staying over even better! 6 months of Bagels life my Gramma loved and cooed over her.

I know that Gramma is happy now. She missed my Grampa John, and after 90 years, she was good to go. Being as young as I am it was hard for me to let her go. I know that I didn't have as many years as my cousins did, but the years I had were full of her.

Years that I hope I never forget. I will always talk to Bagel and Spike about there Great Gramma A. And there Great Gramma W., Grampa John, and Great Gramma Mc. It's important to talk and remind your kids about family.

I don't talk about Gramma with sobs and tears, and it has taken two years to really grasp that she is gone, and it's ok. Life goes on, and with some pretty kick ass angels watching over us, It's going to be all right.

Thanks for the memories Gramma. You living to 90, just shows me that 30... well 30 is just 1/3 of what you did in your life time. I can't wait for the other 60. You are loved and greatly missed, (damn it, I wasn't going to cry...) I love you.

Miss you.

J.

Four Scuz

(Cheesecake Factory in Arizona Dec. 2007)

I was email tagged by my favorite cousin, Scuz. (one of the prettiest women on the planet) You answer with four of your own! Play along, leave a comment that you played along, so we can see what your four are!

A) Four places that I go to over and over:
1. Jewel
2. Gramma & Grampa Mc's
3. Queen and Carrots
4. Sylvester's

B) Four people who email me regularly:
1. Queen

2. Scuz

3. Sylvester

4. Hana

C) Four of my favorite places to eat:
1. Queen and Carrots

2. Cosi

3. Apple Bee's

4. Lone Star

D) Four places I would rather be right now:
1. Kalahari in the Cheese State vacationing with kids, Ed, and both sets of Grandparents.

2. Tropical vacation with just Ed
3. Ireland with Ed and kids.
4. Anywhere as long as I have Ed, and kids

E) Four wishes I want granted:

1. Dystonia to disappear.
2. Scuz to be with Ruben
3. Money to be comfortable
4. Spike and Bagel to be happy

F) Four TV shows I watch:
1. Survivor
2. Amazing Race
3. Big Brother
4. Grey's

A new me with kids

(Trying out for Big Brother season 8, April 2005)

Ever since I had my Bagel and Spike, things have changed. Not so much bad or good. Just things have changed with me, and things that I thought would NEVER happen to me, have happened. I have learned and scarified, but through it all it makes me appreciate my mom more, knowing that she did the same. Here are some things I have noticed.

• I don't always eat first. And this is hard for me, once my blood sugar levels are too low, I get shaky, mean, and almost throw up. I know I need to eat more often, smaller snacks. But I do feed everyone first, and then myself.


• I don't get as much sleep as I used to. Sleeping less, is more my fault. I am up to the wee hours, and mad at myself the next day for it when I have my "good morning mommy" at 7:45am. It's after everyone is off to sleepyland, and Spaghetti is off to work. I finally get me time. And well I have just so much fun reading blogs, or crafting in my room, or just catching up with my shows. That before I know it, it's 2:30 am! Yikes! Spaghetti says this is kinda insulting, since he would die for this amount of time to sleep. Bah, it's overrated.


• I don't get as much food. I am always giving up my food, or my water, for Bagel. And when Spike gets bigger I am sure I will be doing it more. My only question is why am I not skinny if I don't eat, or even as much as before? Could be the late night ice cream...


• I get angry at people who have there car radios loud in subdivisions. I have my loud as all hell, on the highway, and through town. But once I hit a subdivision, it goes WAY down, if not off. I think of myself, trying to get a tot to nap, and the base of a car totally nixs the nap for the day. And as a kid I didn't get it. I just did it to rebel, or because it made me happy to be in my own space, with my music. But just out of respect for mom's and the nightshift sleepers. Turn it down.


• I never thought I would get the mom who was ignoring the screaming toddler in the grocery store. Oh I get it. You pay attention to bad behavior, and you are just rewarding it. And at that point if you do pay attention to it, you will probably be screaming, and who wants to be the psycho in the grocery store?


• I never thought I stopped imagining, until Bagel shows me more ways to see things differently. Like today the long scarf we found with the Rainb@w Bright dolls, is now tucked in the back of her sweat pants as her tail, so she is just like D@rby, from T!gger and P00h. She never stops amazing me with new fun ways to see things.


• I was always very careful with my toys and who played with them. I would cry and be upset for days if a favorite toy was broken. I think Dong broke me into quickly getting over things being broken or damaged. I still want Bagel and Spike to respect there toys but I am getting over the loss of things. They are just things.


• I never thought I wouldn't have time for my pets. It's hard, I mean after a whole day of getting Spaghetti off to job 1 or 2, and tending to my 2 year old Bagel, or the constant feeding, and changing of my 5 1/2 month old Spike, oh and the housework. It is the end of the day when I look at Thing one and Thing two, then at Ding and Dong, and I feel bad that they just got shooed from a chair, or I just dropped there food dishes, and walked away. I guess that is one of my biggest challenges, is balancing the time for not only my dear husband Spaghetti, and my amazing kids, and the housework, but also fit in time for my furry children too.


• I never thought I would finally be able to journal. I have always wanted to, I have a fistful of journals, started, kept up for a week or two... then I would forget or be to busy. Also my brain goes so much faster then a pen and paper could. So when my dear friend MnM showed me the amazing world of Blogger I fell in love. (I have a previous closed blog, for personal reasons, but I have been blogging since Feb 2007.) I love that I can document my feelings, and thoughts, and that I can share them too. I think my kids make me want to blog more. For them to have years from now.


• I knew I would get the mother daughter relationship. I mean me and my mom are the bestest of friends, so when I found out I was having a girl, I was elated, and quickly knew that my love of Leg0's, papercrafts, and creativity would be passed down, and shared. But I never thought I would get the mother son bond. Oh I get it. It is totally different. There is just something about him and me. I know that I will be the first girl that he loves no matter what. He will never stop loving me, and I will always be first. So I get my dad and Gramma, and I get my husband and my mother in law. I get Scuz and her guy too. Don't get me wrong, me and Bagels relationship is priceless. But me and Spike... well the words just don't do it. You just feel it.


• I also SWORE, my kids would NEVER. EVER. watch Barney. And I just got done with a round of "I Love You" well he is good, and he teaches cleaning up, sharing, and loves to use his imagination. Thanks Barney.


• I swore that I would always watch my shows when they are on. Nothing will stop me, but when you are having family time, or when they just want one more round of "See you later Alligator" book, or "Twinkle Twinkle" the season premier of Survivor just doesn't seem so important anymore.

Is there anything as a mom that you SWORE you wouldn't do? Or if you don't have kids, is there anything you SWEAR you will never do?

Explaining Spaghetti and Bagels

The title, I am sure you are curious, I know someone gets part of it. I know you do. The Spaghetti, well read the into on the family over on the side, Spaghetti is the man of the house, the reason for my happiness, and well the name... kinda, sorta not really goes with his name... yeah I guess I am not explaining it too well... maybe later...



Bagel. We just ask a scuzin and you will know. When here for a visit, we joked about our stomachs being bagels (yes you can probably do it too. Just take your tummy fat (not you MnM, and smash it in between your hands. Well your belly button becomes the Bagel hole.. get it?) we hugged before she left, and weeks later found out that my bagel was actually a baby bagel inside! I was pregnant when she was here, and so baby #1 is aka Bagel.



The Boss.