A new me with kids

(Trying out for Big Brother season 8, April 2005)

Ever since I had my Bagel and Spike, things have changed. Not so much bad or good. Just things have changed with me, and things that I thought would NEVER happen to me, have happened. I have learned and scarified, but through it all it makes me appreciate my mom more, knowing that she did the same. Here are some things I have noticed.

• I don't always eat first. And this is hard for me, once my blood sugar levels are too low, I get shaky, mean, and almost throw up. I know I need to eat more often, smaller snacks. But I do feed everyone first, and then myself.


• I don't get as much sleep as I used to. Sleeping less, is more my fault. I am up to the wee hours, and mad at myself the next day for it when I have my "good morning mommy" at 7:45am. It's after everyone is off to sleepyland, and Spaghetti is off to work. I finally get me time. And well I have just so much fun reading blogs, or crafting in my room, or just catching up with my shows. That before I know it, it's 2:30 am! Yikes! Spaghetti says this is kinda insulting, since he would die for this amount of time to sleep. Bah, it's overrated.


• I don't get as much food. I am always giving up my food, or my water, for Bagel. And when Spike gets bigger I am sure I will be doing it more. My only question is why am I not skinny if I don't eat, or even as much as before? Could be the late night ice cream...


• I get angry at people who have there car radios loud in subdivisions. I have my loud as all hell, on the highway, and through town. But once I hit a subdivision, it goes WAY down, if not off. I think of myself, trying to get a tot to nap, and the base of a car totally nixs the nap for the day. And as a kid I didn't get it. I just did it to rebel, or because it made me happy to be in my own space, with my music. But just out of respect for mom's and the nightshift sleepers. Turn it down.


• I never thought I would get the mom who was ignoring the screaming toddler in the grocery store. Oh I get it. You pay attention to bad behavior, and you are just rewarding it. And at that point if you do pay attention to it, you will probably be screaming, and who wants to be the psycho in the grocery store?


• I never thought I stopped imagining, until Bagel shows me more ways to see things differently. Like today the long scarf we found with the Rainb@w Bright dolls, is now tucked in the back of her sweat pants as her tail, so she is just like D@rby, from T!gger and P00h. She never stops amazing me with new fun ways to see things.


• I was always very careful with my toys and who played with them. I would cry and be upset for days if a favorite toy was broken. I think Dong broke me into quickly getting over things being broken or damaged. I still want Bagel and Spike to respect there toys but I am getting over the loss of things. They are just things.


• I never thought I wouldn't have time for my pets. It's hard, I mean after a whole day of getting Spaghetti off to job 1 or 2, and tending to my 2 year old Bagel, or the constant feeding, and changing of my 5 1/2 month old Spike, oh and the housework. It is the end of the day when I look at Thing one and Thing two, then at Ding and Dong, and I feel bad that they just got shooed from a chair, or I just dropped there food dishes, and walked away. I guess that is one of my biggest challenges, is balancing the time for not only my dear husband Spaghetti, and my amazing kids, and the housework, but also fit in time for my furry children too.


• I never thought I would finally be able to journal. I have always wanted to, I have a fistful of journals, started, kept up for a week or two... then I would forget or be to busy. Also my brain goes so much faster then a pen and paper could. So when my dear friend MnM showed me the amazing world of Blogger I fell in love. (I have a previous closed blog, for personal reasons, but I have been blogging since Feb 2007.) I love that I can document my feelings, and thoughts, and that I can share them too. I think my kids make me want to blog more. For them to have years from now.


• I knew I would get the mother daughter relationship. I mean me and my mom are the bestest of friends, so when I found out I was having a girl, I was elated, and quickly knew that my love of Leg0's, papercrafts, and creativity would be passed down, and shared. But I never thought I would get the mother son bond. Oh I get it. It is totally different. There is just something about him and me. I know that I will be the first girl that he loves no matter what. He will never stop loving me, and I will always be first. So I get my dad and Gramma, and I get my husband and my mother in law. I get Scuz and her guy too. Don't get me wrong, me and Bagels relationship is priceless. But me and Spike... well the words just don't do it. You just feel it.


• I also SWORE, my kids would NEVER. EVER. watch Barney. And I just got done with a round of "I Love You" well he is good, and he teaches cleaning up, sharing, and loves to use his imagination. Thanks Barney.


• I swore that I would always watch my shows when they are on. Nothing will stop me, but when you are having family time, or when they just want one more round of "See you later Alligator" book, or "Twinkle Twinkle" the season premier of Survivor just doesn't seem so important anymore.

Is there anything as a mom that you SWORE you wouldn't do? Or if you don't have kids, is there anything you SWEAR you will never do?