Adult Truths

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
24. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.
25.  I say “kill me now” or “I wish I was dead” plenty of times now, I wonder what I will say when I am actually close to death?

 

No, I’m not witty enough to come up with these, but every once in a blue moon I decide that a funny email is good enough for a post. Call it lazy posting, I call it funny shit I want to share. Enjoy!

Feisty

My Social Life

My social life is exciting. Well to me it's enough. As much as I love to chat, and visit with people when I am in a social setting. I am not one for going out much.

I think Facebook is the best goddamn invention since the internet. No shit. I can be social with all my friends, and it doesn't matter if I talked to you yesterday or 15 years ago, we catch up by reading each others updates, and comment from their. Genius.

That being said, I do leave my house at times with out my children, and Spaghetti. And when I do I don't go far, because my happiness is found in the next little town over from mine.

It's a little local scrapbook store, where I crop. Sure I have my big art room with all my tools right at hand, so why pack up half my shit and haul it to a store where I have to pay $10 to do the same thing?

For my social life.

Sure I get scrapbooking done, I've realized the less people I bring with me that I know, the better I do. So if I go alone, I actually have more progress (yesterday was my best yet I cropped from 9:30 am till 6:30pm. 9 hours, and 7 pages done.

Not bad since I had to go home to get my Cricut (cutting machine) then again right after that because I left my cut mats at home (grrr) and we all bring food, and get pizza for dinner so their are snack breaks. Plus all I do is drink water, coffee and tea while I scrap, so I pee about 42 times (8 times really, but you need the exagerated number)

I love to crop with my mom, and Pipe, but it seems the better I know you the more I chat my ass off. Yesterday the two girls who were signed up, never showed! Not only did I get shit done, I also got the WHOLE table to myself (did I share with other girls who had 3 to a table...nope!)

I love to meet new people, to hear their stories, and best of all to learn WHY they scrapbook. If you think it's just to perserve memories your wrong. So many scrapbookers need an outlet. Many of us are SAHM's who just need to get away, and for the busy working mom's, retired grandma's, and teens and collage girls who just need an out.

It's for everyone, and I love that I can make art with my pictures, share idea's and memories, and best of all to make new friends.

I think I like to crop on my own, I happen to be quite the diva when I crop. I have 6 CD's of music I burned just for us to listen too. Everything you can imagine is on their, from Michael Jackson to Kelly Clarkson. Of coarse P!nk and the Black Eyed Peas are a must, but there is some country (about 4 songs, the most I can tollerate at one time) there is rock, pop, hip hop, oldie's, and old school.

I have a seat I prefer. In the corner. Sure cuz I'm bad, but mostly beause I can spread out, and I can see everyone there. I don't pack ALL my stuff (I seriously used to) but I like my space. But I do venture out of my corner, to visit, shop around the store, and when people get up, I ask if I can sit in their seat.

Weird? Sure, but I love to sit in another artist chair. To see how they do a layout, to see how they organize their stuff, to see their lives being documented.

I dance, shake my butt, we do a bit of yoga posing since we sit all day. Sometimes we make a break for the Dollar General to see what fun we can find. If no fun, at least some food.

Check out my friends I made yesterday!

Here is my friend Berry, she is a young collage girl, who LOVES to scrap, she should her mom owns the store. It was fun to crop and eat Smarties with her, to see her crop her friends, and their trips. Her niece, and family pictures.

Pastry girl in pink, made these TO DIE for nummy pastires the night before. OMG good. She crops often, we aren't close, but we do love to joke and share what we are up too. She can crop and finish about 15 pages a crop. Sounds impressive, but she also has her pictures cropped, and paper planned for each layout before coming to crop. Cheater!!

Next to her is Goonie. (I call her Goonie, because she loves the Goonies more then me, so we must be friends. I demand it.) By the way she is wearing a paper bib around her neck. Just a little FYI about her wardrobe.

So onto Goonie. After cropping, visiting and enjoying our conversations (mind you she was across the room from me) I realize that with the details she has given, and some of the things she has said. I needed to ask her if she graduated H.S. in 1996, and from my school. She did.

Weird. Well no really, my H.S. was big (and now is even bigger) so each class was over 600 kids, so the odds of you knowing everyone was rare. So we quickly threw names back and forth, she was good friends with most of my gradeschool friends that went to our H.S. school, and we had alot of mutual friends, but found out the key thing, she was a softball girl. Ahh, that was it. You wouldn't find me near a sporting event. I supported the arts, drama and musicals. No wonder we never knew each other.

Her story of her life was interesting, and made me understand why she scrapbooks. It's an out from her life. Sometimes stressful, and not always happy. I hope to see her again there.

Here's Trendy Chic, and Sam. Trendy is older then most of us. But I was thrown off when I made a comment about the Black Eyed Peas, and she said she loved them. I tried not to look surprised, but she caught me and said "What am I too old?" I said "No, I can only hope to be so trendy when I am older" came to find out she loves the Pussycat dolls, BEP, Justin Timberlake, and she shook hands with Oprah 2 years ago. She has money so she loves to buy the newest tools and gadgets. She has a Gypsy for her Cricut (think iTouch for scrapbooking. I think.)

She sold me on a Kindle reader. She is an avid book fan. Not just a reader. There is a difference, I LOVE books, to hold, smell and flip the pages. She did too. But she said this is so great. I was sold. She did say she sold almost all her books (it would clear up alot of my clutter) but she kept a few.

Trendy Chic has cropped many times with me, but this time it was such a great group I learned more this time then in the last 2 years I've known her.

And Burnt Orange here. She was quiet, and kept to herself. We did talk a bit twards the end, and when I was leaving we both hoped to crop together again.

Also was her friend, that had to leave early, and Carry, who left early too.

I love to crop and get away. Just as much as I love to get right back and enjoy life, to take more pictures and crop some more!

My kind of Jesus

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said,


'Jesus knows you're here.'

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.

When he heard nothing more , after a bit, he shook his head and continued.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard

'Jesus is watching you.'

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.

Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.
'Yep', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he is watching you.'

The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?'

'Moses,' replied the bird.
'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'

The bird replied; ‘The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'

Slinky

SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES -

NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING

BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE

WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.

This is not a surprise. ADD and me.

So my new blogger friend, Dual Mom, over at Were At Dad's That Week, posted this about being ADD. Not for kids, but for adults. A Google Doc quiz, not a real doctor assessment but still suggesting with it's results.

Sure, I'm game. I'll take the quiz. The first part I was thinking, hmrph, maybe I'm not as ADD as I thought. Then I notice I am marking more, and more of the "quite alot" and the "very much" options.

I make a mental note amongst the other voices that I will be screwed and the funny white jacket will be overnighted to my house with the results...

Results are...

Results of your



Attention Deficit Disorder Quiz

You scored a total of 72

It is highly likely that you are presently suffering from adult attention deficit disorder, according to your responses on this self-report questionnaire. You should not take this as a diagnosis of any sort, or a recommendation for treatment. However, it would be advisable and likely beneficial for you to seek further diagnosis from a trained mental health professional immediately.

I am quite curious if this is true. If I do need medication? Ah, fuck it. I like being the random, unconventional, all over the place at once, conversation interupting, banana rama, wing nut I always have been. But it's fun to know. (insert funny shit eating grin photo here)

(and yes I used to wear my hear like this to work at the casino. Why? Because I could. And I was ADD and needed to keep my insane little hands busy, and if you haven't caught on yet, I like to be the center of attnetion, AND I also seem to like posting silly or embarressing pictures on here)

How bout you? Are you ADD?

Big. Big trouble.

Alright. Read my signature. Above.

 The signature that I worked very hard on.

(I just typed hard on. tee hee)

I obviously didn't work very hard

because it says.

Fesity? It sounds like a plural of Feeces.

Thanks for not catching it, or at least enjoying my tard-ism on this one.

AND so I say your all in BIG trouble.

With me.

Hmrph. Wankers.

Exept for Martini's or Diaper Genies

she has repeatedly told me that it was wrong,

but my illiterate self didn't seem to get it.

Got it.

Dirty Words.

I'm in a good mood. Lots to do around the house, my fat ass actually lost a pound, and so what do I do when I'm happy? Swear.

Alright I should cover this now. I swear. ALOT. And to me they are just words. Sure I do my best to clean it up around the kids, no joke. BUT I've got me a pretty little truck driven potty mouth here.

So if your offended by fuck, shit and bitch. Please cover your eyes and read a different post.

Moving on!!

I was on Facebook last night, (yes I am OBSESSED with checking Facebook. It's my way of being super social with out leaving my house. Bad. Ass)

And an old coworker of mine was going on about how she HATES drama, and is over all the gossip and crap. BUT someone keeps putting her name into stories. AND she will have NO problem beating some ones ass. (Mind you she is about 1/2 inch shorter then me, and she is the right weight at around 100 lbs. Tiny little girl right? OH hell no. She is FEISTY! Plus they say, the bigger they are the bigger the fall!)

And so she's got all these comments like "I've got your back" and "where is the sweet little soccer mom I know?" and "who is it? I'll go get them!" but then there was this one... the fucking highlight of my day...

.....I hate these cunt dumpsters that try to make our lives miserable. I hope their vaginas fall off!

Seriously I personally thanked the stranger for making me laugh my ass off. I haven't heard that one yet, and believe you me, after working the floor in two different casinos, I've heard LOTS of things.

I have looked at both sides of the swearing factor though. I get it, not so attractive, not lady like, to swear. But I just don't feel the same effect when I stub my toe and say frick that hurts. Or fuckyoumotherfuckercocksuckerbitchasshole...fuck...you... ya feel me?

Got a favorite swear word? Here a good one that would make today as bright as yesterday?

Baby Weaky

OMG. I am SO tots excited! I swear I am a true blonde, but I did just figure out that with my SD card reader I can upload videos to YouTube. No shit.

Check out my test video. It made me cry. It's baby Weaky at 11 weeks old. He looks like a bobble head, and he had such fuzzy brown hair! And it's SO long! (side note. That kid had 8 hair cuts before his first birthday!)


In my defense, I am not a dumb blonde, I just have an old ass CPU that HATES any camera software I upload so the whole cable to the camera and right to the computer is a no go for us. So since I am still a few months new to this SD card reader, I think I have found a new toy... best $10. Eva.

A bit about me.

I was over at Low Expectations and found this, thought it would be fun to share...

I am: a daughter, sister, wife, mom and best friend




I think: A good sports bra, clean underware, and my long underware once piece pj's are the best!



I know: that I am unconventional.



I have: WAY to much stuff!



I wish: The same thing I have wished for years. That Frances could talk again.



I hate: Pessimists, pushy religious people, racists, and people who make fun of gays.



I miss: My Gramma's and Grampa. I miss my Aunt & Uncle. And Spaghetti's Uncle T.



I fear: Losing my family.



I hear: The silence from the kids as they watch the Incredibles



I smell: my Chirstmas Wreath candle. Mmmm...



I crave: To be 107 lbs and have long blonde hair again!!



I search: For the right balance. From house work, to the kids, to me and Spaghetti, to family, and just some me time



I wonder: If I will ever get a hold on my laundry issues.



I regret: Nothing. I can't change the past.



I love: That Blogger exists. That I can be me, journal and I love to meet other kick ass bloggers out there.



I ache: For Cuz, Banjo and Aunt N. the loss of Uncle T this year to an unexpected brain tumor shook the whole family. I can't imagine what this holiday was like with out him. RIP.


I am not: always as good with the budget as I would hope to be. I get so angry when I over draft us.



I try: to be a better person. Every chance I get.



I believe: That your choice of religion or lack there of shouldn't define you as a person.



I dance: at all oportunities.



I sing: when I am alone, in the car. I won't even subject the kids to it!



I cry: When I am touched by something sweet.



I fight: the urge to just stay fat along with the rest of the mom's I know. Or suck it up and fight to be back to the me I once loved.



I lose: my mind. often.



I never: assume I am save. I am ALWAYS on guard.



I always: have chapstick in my pocket!



I confuse: Left and right! But I am kick ass at directions!



I listen: to pop and hip hop (not rap. Understand the difference!)



I can usually be found: In the loft, In the kitchen or in the art room


I need: to scrapbook, and set up my class schedule!



I am happy: when I have had coffee. And some me time.



I imagine: All the time! I imagine being rich, or at least comfortable enough to buy food each week. I imagine telling my MIL to stop working, and to go pick Spaghetti up from work with the news he can quit. I wonder when I will be at the point where I don't freak each time we pay bills. When the kids are out of collage? When we can retire?

Manic Mondays!

I try my bestest to do Manic Mondays, if you can, head on over and do them yourself. Can't ramble on long, I have two napping kids so the Art Room is screaming my name!



If you could bring one character to life from your favorite book, who would it be?
So mine would be a cartoon character. I have LOVED cartoon characters all my life, like most adults that are refusing to grow up, BUT I for the longest time wanted to be one. I SWORE after watching Who Framed Roger Rabbit, that there was just a little ol' tunnel that leads to the land of Cartoons.

So I guess I would pick... you guessed it... (or not) Tinkerbell!!
She's my fav. I loves her. She is Feisty, sassy, and all around a pretty tough chick. She has the BEST outfit, I mean with a little figure like that, who wouldn't want to fly around in a mini green dress?! I would also be the most badass mom ever, because, Bagel LOVES herself some Tink too.

Plus maybe she could tell me where that lil ol' tunnel to the land of Cartoons is...






Which cartoon character do you resemble the most?

Wait for it... Tinkerbell! Short, blonde hair, feisty attitude. Yep, I just need to drop about 30 lbs, and get me some wings and it's a done deal!

Fucking Funny.

Go here to understand why I have fallen in Bloggy love with reading Martini's or Diaper Genies. She is just plain fucking funny.

Mia's camera

Click here to view these pictures larger

So I wanted to test if I could move pictures from Shutterfly to Blogger... not to shabby. I will take it!

Pass This...

That was great. I counted and only got 4 wrong. It was hard to click the right answers, I wanted to answer flip the bird for the semi one... how did you do?

Manic Monday! Rainbows, Muffin Tops and the secret to life!

It's been a while, but follow the above link to visit Manic Monday's site, and play along yourself! There are usually only 3 questions a week, BUT I haven't done this in forever. So lots o' Q & A for you to enjoy.

What is the first thing you notice about people?

Eyes. I know cheesy right? But it's more then pretty eyes. (don't get me wrong, some people have those eyes you just get lost in) You can really read someone by their eyes. If they are happy, sad, stressed. Sometimes you just have to take the time to notice.

I noticed early on when I met Spaghetti that he had lines by his eyes, at just 23 he had laugh lines. That told me alot about him right there. And I was right, he loves to laugh and smile.

What song always makes you happy when you hear it?

Israel Kamakawiwo'ole's "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" that is Bagel's song. I just love it.

What fashion trend do you just not get?

Alright I am hip, and trendy most of the time, I love me some hip hop music BUT I do not and will not ever understand this trend...

Now I for one would be SUPER worried that my underwear weren't clean. I mean one streak and your a fashion nightmare! Not to mention now my underwear would have to match my outfit. Plus I think a thong would be out of the question, huh?

But it would take notice off my muffin top, OH that is a trend I DO not get AT ALL!
Please tell me where this is hot? I spend all my energy attempting to hid this, and there are women who showcase it?!? Gag!

Would you rather go a week without bathing, but be able to change your clothes, or a week without a change of clothes, but be able to bathe?

This is honestly the easiest question. I would bathe and never change my clothes! Hence my hate for laundry!

If you had to be trapped in a TV show for a month, which show would you choose?
Big Brother. And I thought about it. I would love to be on reality t.v., I think it would be a great show to be on. Unless I could be on some show like the hills where I was a spoiled brat with to much money and my social life was all I needed to worry about, that would be fun.

What is one thing that you would change about yourself if you could?

Right now? My weight, that was easy! I would instantly suck about 30 pounds off me! Wala skinny me!

Name three exotic countries you would like to visit:

Ireland! That is where Spaghetti's Great Grandparents were from, and his cousin Maggie still lives there. I would love to take the kids someday.

And of coarse Italy. That is where my Grandfathers parents are from.


And I was tired of Googling for pictures, so Australia is my 3rd country of choice. I love their accents, and I would love to see how things are down under!

What do you think the secret to life is?

Be.

That's it. Just be. I mean try to be happy, be simple, be yourself, be funny, be creative, be social, be helpful, be kind, be giving, be... you get the point?

If we would all just Be. Try not so hard to be something we're not. I think peoples lives would go along alot less stressful.

Bootie Cracka!

How can you NOT just love butt crack from a 1 year old? I mean isn't that priceless? Yes he has a diaper on, it must be his low rise ones, I couldn't help but take a picture of this! Maybe it's my odd obsession with butts... hope you enjoyed!

The Miracle of Toilet Paper

THE MIRACLE OF TOILET PAPER

Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small.

Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion."If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds

"Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts. "How long will this take?" I asked."They will grow larger over a period of years," my husband replies.

I stopped."Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?" Without missing a beat he says "Worked for your butt, didn't it?"

He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk again although he will probably continue to take his meals through a straw.

Stupid, stupid man.

Thanks for the funny joke from my friend Piper via email.

Going along for the ride

Where's Piglet?

Can you find him?

Weaky can't!

Weaky in the morning!

So happy!
Weaky is such my little man!
He has a few of his stuffed friends
that sleep in his crib with him...



What Weaky doesn't realize is
that Mommy is taking SO many pictures of him,
because he has a Piglet
stuck to his DOC band.
Silly DOC Band.
Silly Velcro.


Silly Weaky
tries to hide from
the Paparazzi Mommy!



Disclaimer: I must tell you that I do not normally have bright yellow sheets, with a sage green comforter.
BUT since Thing 2 peed on my bed. This was the back up set.
Of coarse we don't have cute pictures of Weaky on my nice white sheets, and cute brown and white bed set.
Nooo... of coarse not.

Cat video.

I have posted this before but I think it's funny. Thanks to Candid Carrie for the idea!

Wanna know what it is?

So a while back I posted the beautiful picture above, of the fuzzy, slimy and ever so colorful moldy finding from the far back of my fridge.

I had some guesses but no one got it. If you look at the right bottom corner you will see the orange there...

That would make it.... Weaky's leftover carrots! EWW! Who knew carrots could do such crazy things in the back of the fridge!

Anywho, thanks for those who played. I know, I know. Gross. Maybe next week I will show you another extremely gross picture... yummy!

Taxes and Trendy Stuff

We went to get our taxes done today. With the Stampin' Up! business, it's complicated, so we have a lady do them for us. Not to bad of a return. Spaghetti was expecting more, but I'm excited, it will cover our property taxes, and that was the point of taking the escrow off the mortgage.

In more funner news (yes, funner is a word. I invented it. Instead of more fun, there is a even funner version. And that is "more funner") ANYWHO, I must ask how trendy we all are. I mean in the world of the internet.

I am a blogger, and that is the coolest thing possible to be doing on the Internet (per me) then there is the ever so popular Twitter, and now everyone and there sister is Twitting, or Tweeting, or whatever catch phrase is. I am doing it.

Now it's not new, but I have to say I don't remember, exactly when MySpace disappeared, and FaceBook became the new "it" place to be. I have been on both, but MySpace was the place to be. And FaceBook was for the older preppier people. Suddenly my mailbox is flooded with friend invites, and writing on my Wall. I have connected with WAY more people from my past, that I actually want to be friends with on FaceBook then I ever did on MySpace.

I am however still lost a bit on FaceBook. I don't get why things are not right there to find. It took me a while to find the drop down box for the "notes" and I don't like that I have to just remember who to tag in them, I just wish I had a menu with everyone on it. (now I just start to type a letter of the alphabet and hope I get everyone. Even though I have missed Renee and D. Pimpster a few times. Sorry!)

I do wish I could at least have a background. The lame ass white is boring. Now I am not talking about the obnoxious blinkies, winkies and widgets that cluttered MySpace pages, but a bit of personality is all I'm askin'. Maybe even tint the page? Purple?

Wanna know where I got the fun "flair" from? Ah yes thanks to my phone a friend (Maternal Mirth) I learned that "flair" is fun on FaceBook. I liked these... just a few more days for Twilight to be released, and I am hoping for a pre-release from Spaghetti's video store job. Either way I am rereading Twilight, just for fun.


So is there any other trendy things I need to be doing? Oh I can text, I just don't we have a special plan and we don't text, probably will soon enough though...