MY driving rules.

If you choose to drive where I am driving I ask kindly that you go by MY rules. Enjoy.


Highway. I am a left laner. Sometimes a mid laner. NEVER a right laner (unless my exit is 3/4 of a mile away) Here are my Highway rules

• If I am in the mid lane, it is usally because I am moving over for some psycho that is going WAY faster then me (speed limit 65, I go about 72-74 some freakshows go about 90)
• DO NOT ride my ass. I WILL NOT move over. WHEN you back off, I will move over. RIDING my ass will only infuriate me, because I almost always have my kids on board (and NO I don't have one of those stupid yellow signs, sorry if you do) and now you've struck the "PROTECT CHILDREN FREAK MODE IN ME" so back the fuck off. Thankyou.
• Role reversal. IF you are in the left lane and you see (you should notice cars behind you, which I notice that SO many people do not) me coming up behind you, at a MUCH fast pace then you. Realize you do NOT belong in my lane. Move over. I won't ride your ass, but I will be right here waiting. Don't make me do the right lane pass, I really hate doing that.
• Right lane passing. Alright so I'm a hypocrite on this one. I only do it if you suck ass, and are going 60 in my left lane, and the whole rest of the free world has passed you on the right I too must move on with my life.
• Hypocrite me. Right lane passing of me is fine, if I'm doing my 73 mph and your going 102 mph and need to swerve around me because your going SO fast that I am practially at a stand still. Sure. BUT if you see that I am putting on my blinker. PLEASE note, I will move my car OVER asap. Ride my ass, and it takes me a good 20 seconds of blinker to even consider moving over.
• Merging. Oh for fucks sake this one BLOWS my mind. (this next point is spoken as if I was talking to a 5 year old) IF you see an exit coming up. NOTE that cars are coming ONTO the highway. Possibly me. NOTE that I only get a small window of oppertunity to get onto the highway. MOVE THE FUCK OVER RETARDS. Jesus flying fucking Christ. The people who don't move over for merging on highway drivers makes me want the invisable hand gernades to just blow them off the map.
• Speeders again. Yes again, I know I drive fast, but again some go faster. AND if I am in the left lane, and I am not going to your choice speed. Understand the BIG semi to my right is there and NO I will not floor it to let you pass me. You will enjoy MY speed of choice until we safely pass the big truck then I shall move over. Unless your a douche bag and choose to psychoticly right lane pass me the second I pass the semi. Well then go fuck yourself.
• Children in my car. There are rules. NO screaming. Especially that high pictched who can scream the loudest shit either. Also no throwing shit at me, or whining. Children are lovely, but should be happy, silent, or asleep at all times in the car.
• Passengers. Unless you have some greater knowledge then I do please STFU. I don't care if you think there is a better way. My little hands are on the wheel, and I am the boss. Please do your job, and entertain my small monkey children.
• My middle finger is used when needed. My mother hates it, my husband hates it. And I don't care. It's my right to show people I care, and when your #1 in my driving book. I show it. Proud. I'm not a timid finger giver. There is FULL effort for you to notice. Isn't that what the sunroof is for?
• Non-highway rules. God I HATE driving in towns, suburbia, whatever. Drive at LEAST the damn speed. If it's 45 on a busy 4 lane road, for fucks sake, go home if you can't do at least 45. I am VERY good at going 25 in subdivisions. Not kidding. I know kids don't pay attention, like my neigbor who lets her kid wander the street. We live on a curve. It's creepy.
• I HATE people who get mad at me for talking on the phone and driving. Most times it's the only time I can talk. No kids in the car? Probably a phone to my ear. Blow me, I CAN drive and talk. But there are some nut sacks who shouldn't. You need good driving skills to do this. Texting should be illegal while driving. THAT is insane.
• Speaking of good driving skills. Understand that while driving the fact that you have skill isn't that you know all the rules of the road. It's that you have confidence. Now don't get that mixed up with cockiness. That is different. I am confident that I watch myself, the people next to me, the guy in front, and behind me. PLUS I pay attention to the 3 cars ahead and behind them. WHY? Because it's good for you. Because you need to learn to guess what EVERYONE else is going to do. When we are all wizzing along at 75 mph I need to make sure you butt fucks are on game. If you even swerve a bit, I watch you more, If your flying like a bat out of hell (I SO love to say that) I try to get out of your insane way, if you suck and are slower then me crawling, then I watch you and attempt to get away from you. It's all a method of skills, and being confident that I can navigate, all while making the right moves to get on with my journey with the least ammount of finger giving.
• AND last but not least lets talk about bikes. Sigh. I don't like you. I have lost 2 close friends of the family due to poor driving skills. If you ride a bike, I don't care if it's a crotch rocket or a big ass harley. If you are NOT wearing a helmet you can go fuck yourself. You are a speedbump that I don't want to deal with. Your stupid for driving 70 mph on a bike and no helmet?!? Whatever, I hope to god I don't hit you, because I will have your mess all over my car, I am assuming you will cause damage to my car, AND I will have to deal with your mess. AND bet my ass if you one of those chodes that cuts me off, with no helmet, I will feel NO remorse for running you over. Your stupid. And a waste of air as it is.
• If you are a bike rider. If you wear a helmet. If you attmpt to go a decent speed. Good for you. I wish you a safe trip. Please don't drive by me. I have confidence. But your just not ment for my SUV and the big semi's around here.

Alright, it's late, I have been wanting to post on my driving rules forever now. Add your own in the comment section. Or just keep lurking like you have been. And yes it's still creepy that you lurk.

Pass This...

That was great. I counted and only got 4 wrong. It was hard to click the right answers, I wanted to answer flip the bird for the semi one... how did you do?

Manic Mondays. Vanilla, Super Why, and Jon & Kate...

It's been a while, so why not take t he last 3 Mondays in June to do some Manic Monday's...


Do you usually wear perfume/cologne? If so, what's your current favorite?
Yes I do. I love Happy or Happy Heart by Clinique, but my everyday is Vanilla Vanilla by Body Shop


What's the last book you've read that you thought was really good? If you don't have one, what looks promising on your to-be-read list?
Breaking Dawn, and with that you can include, Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse! LOVE them!


Fill in the blank: I wouldn't be caught dead _________.
Pretending to be some one else, just to fit in. I did that once. I realized that you either love me or hate me.

What is the last song that was stuck in your head and how did you get rid of it?
Super Why! Theme song. Still there. Even though Bagel is to young for all the reading, and letters, she still loves the show. It's cute. But I love Word World better.

If you had to say what one thing in your life best represents your freedom, what would it be?
My ability to be a SAHM. I mean sure from my side it's more like prison on days. But that is because I am jealous of all the parents who can drop their kids off at day care, and go stare at a computer for hours, while someone else wipes butts, and deals with ENDLESS whining. But on the other hand I get to be the one to see all the firsts, and what job lets you drink coffee, with your kids while hanging out in the pool? All day?


If you were invited to the White House for dinner tonight, what would you wear from your current wardrobe?
Probably my black $12 strapless Target dress. It goes past my knees, and is very nice. My other two dresses are more Marilyn Monroe-ish. Yah know, tie around the neck, and the clevage-a-showin. Not so White House-ish.

If you joined the circus, what act would you most want to perform?
Barker. Yep. I thought about it. I would like to sell tickets, and yell at people. Fun.

Would you generally be overdressed or underdressed at a party?
Over dressed. Even though I am more casual of a person, Spaghetti and I still dress up more for an event when we don't realize how chillax it will be.


Do you feel that children should be sheltered from unhappiness?
This is interesting. Since I JUST finished watching Jon & Kate plus 8, and it was the "separation" announcement.
I think the children should see as little arguing as possible. I think that you shouldn't pretend to like someone if you don't.
Like today Spaghetti and I just DID not get along. So we don't scream and fight, we just do our thing with the kids, kinda around each other. So no, I don't want to shelter them, because fighting happens, it's real life. But at 3 and 1 they don't need a full dose of reality. Not just yet.


What's something that people do in traffic that really annoys you?
Just one something? Because there is SO many.

Let's discuss traffic. I am a 3rd lane user. The FAR LEFT lane to be exact.

If the speed limit is 65 I will drive approx 73-75 mph. If you FLY up my ass I will NOT move over fast for you. If you are approaching me, and I can get over I will.

Please DO NOT drive in my lane if you are choosing to drive UNDER 70. It makes NO sense. MOVE. OVER.

I am aggressive. IF I need to get over, lets say to turn, and it's a busy day, and I put on my blinker and start moving in. I WILL GET IN. It is not a question. It is what I am doing. MOVE.

Oh and the best one. Merging.

I have always been good about merging early. And by my house the road goes from 4 lanes to 2 lanes. I am in the lane prior to the light. So when we go through the light, I am already where I need to be.

DO NOT. DO NOT attempt to pass me. Sure if your in a mustang and there is NO one in front of me, odds are pretty good that you can pass me. Go to town.

BUT if we are all in a line. And you and your snotty nose Escalade, attempt to do the above "blinker on and move over" move. You can bet your ass, you are NOT getting in. AT ALL.

Yep, you just gave me the finger. And yep, I know you live in McSnobly Subdivision right before mine.



Well now I feel better. Thanks.

Monday.

Sunday night after a day around the house, my mom and dad stopped by to take Bagel for the night. After they left, Spaghetti, Spike and I had a hot date with Super Walmart and some major grocery shopping. 2 hours and $335.48 later we were home.

Made chicken in the croc pot (slow cooker) and Alfredo for dinner. Then we decided after Spike went to sleep, we were going to party like rock stars and stayed up till 2:30 am. BAD idea.

The whole point of having Queen and Carrots entertain Bagel for the night and next day, was because Spike had a Dr. appointment at 9:15 in a town approx. 45 minutes away (that is before ice storm and Monday morning rush hour in Chicago's west suburbs) so after only 4 hours of sleep, Spaghetti and I wake up around 6:30 am to leave by 7 ish. Leave way to early by Spaghetti's calculations, he was predicting a sit down breakfast when we got there SO early.

We were 15 minutes late. Yes we left 2 hours and 15 minutes early for a 45 minute drive, well when your really not on the road, and your just coasting along the ice capades we call the highway. Well 25 mph is a safe speed.

We had Spikes appointment (another post) and got done around 11:30 am, went to Weber Grill restaurant. Eh, not so impressed. To pricey, not enough food. But Starbucks was right around the corner, which made me happy.

While at the restaurant Spaghetti called his mom to give her the update on Spike. Thus finding out that her work building was about a block from the restaurant! So we took Spike to Gramma's work so she could show him off.

Then ALL the way to my parents (driving back was better, the sun melted most of the main road ice) still took about an hour and 1/2. Picked up Bagel and headed home.

Phew.

Wrapped my Christmas present for the Dauber Diva Christmas Party (fellow Stampin' Up! demonstrators) Aerial came by to go with, my IL's came over to visit with Spaghetti and the kids, while I was out.

Hung out at my friends, we ate, did the exchange/stealing gift game. Visited some more, then after the majority left, there was about 7 of us left. We all gathered around the tree, and got comfy one the big couch. So comfy I fell asleep. I was zonked.

Napped for about an hour, then finally woke up. Visited some more, and Aerial and I left and got home around 2 am.

Wow.

Needless to say, we all slept till 11 am the next day. So that was Monday. Insane and busy. I can't go like that on no sleep. Not sure how Spaghetti has done it.

Manic Monday. 89 mph Lobsters on the Sears Tower

What is the most expensive meal you've ever eaten?
Probably when I ordered Lobster and Fillet, and the sad part was, the lobster wasn't really that good.

What is the fastest speed you've ever traveled in a car?
89. I have little to say about the rest of the story. You just get a number.

What is the highest building you've ever been to the top floor of?
Top of the Sears Tower in Chicago. A few times.

Those were quick and painless. Usually my Manic Monday's are long and extensive amounts of information you may or may not have wanted. Oh well! Enjoy!