MY driving rules.

If you choose to drive where I am driving I ask kindly that you go by MY rules. Enjoy.


Highway. I am a left laner. Sometimes a mid laner. NEVER a right laner (unless my exit is 3/4 of a mile away) Here are my Highway rules

• If I am in the mid lane, it is usally because I am moving over for some psycho that is going WAY faster then me (speed limit 65, I go about 72-74 some freakshows go about 90)
• DO NOT ride my ass. I WILL NOT move over. WHEN you back off, I will move over. RIDING my ass will only infuriate me, because I almost always have my kids on board (and NO I don't have one of those stupid yellow signs, sorry if you do) and now you've struck the "PROTECT CHILDREN FREAK MODE IN ME" so back the fuck off. Thankyou.
• Role reversal. IF you are in the left lane and you see (you should notice cars behind you, which I notice that SO many people do not) me coming up behind you, at a MUCH fast pace then you. Realize you do NOT belong in my lane. Move over. I won't ride your ass, but I will be right here waiting. Don't make me do the right lane pass, I really hate doing that.
• Right lane passing. Alright so I'm a hypocrite on this one. I only do it if you suck ass, and are going 60 in my left lane, and the whole rest of the free world has passed you on the right I too must move on with my life.
• Hypocrite me. Right lane passing of me is fine, if I'm doing my 73 mph and your going 102 mph and need to swerve around me because your going SO fast that I am practially at a stand still. Sure. BUT if you see that I am putting on my blinker. PLEASE note, I will move my car OVER asap. Ride my ass, and it takes me a good 20 seconds of blinker to even consider moving over.
• Merging. Oh for fucks sake this one BLOWS my mind. (this next point is spoken as if I was talking to a 5 year old) IF you see an exit coming up. NOTE that cars are coming ONTO the highway. Possibly me. NOTE that I only get a small window of oppertunity to get onto the highway. MOVE THE FUCK OVER RETARDS. Jesus flying fucking Christ. The people who don't move over for merging on highway drivers makes me want the invisable hand gernades to just blow them off the map.
• Speeders again. Yes again, I know I drive fast, but again some go faster. AND if I am in the left lane, and I am not going to your choice speed. Understand the BIG semi to my right is there and NO I will not floor it to let you pass me. You will enjoy MY speed of choice until we safely pass the big truck then I shall move over. Unless your a douche bag and choose to psychoticly right lane pass me the second I pass the semi. Well then go fuck yourself.
• Children in my car. There are rules. NO screaming. Especially that high pictched who can scream the loudest shit either. Also no throwing shit at me, or whining. Children are lovely, but should be happy, silent, or asleep at all times in the car.
• Passengers. Unless you have some greater knowledge then I do please STFU. I don't care if you think there is a better way. My little hands are on the wheel, and I am the boss. Please do your job, and entertain my small monkey children.
• My middle finger is used when needed. My mother hates it, my husband hates it. And I don't care. It's my right to show people I care, and when your #1 in my driving book. I show it. Proud. I'm not a timid finger giver. There is FULL effort for you to notice. Isn't that what the sunroof is for?
• Non-highway rules. God I HATE driving in towns, suburbia, whatever. Drive at LEAST the damn speed. If it's 45 on a busy 4 lane road, for fucks sake, go home if you can't do at least 45. I am VERY good at going 25 in subdivisions. Not kidding. I know kids don't pay attention, like my neigbor who lets her kid wander the street. We live on a curve. It's creepy.
• I HATE people who get mad at me for talking on the phone and driving. Most times it's the only time I can talk. No kids in the car? Probably a phone to my ear. Blow me, I CAN drive and talk. But there are some nut sacks who shouldn't. You need good driving skills to do this. Texting should be illegal while driving. THAT is insane.
• Speaking of good driving skills. Understand that while driving the fact that you have skill isn't that you know all the rules of the road. It's that you have confidence. Now don't get that mixed up with cockiness. That is different. I am confident that I watch myself, the people next to me, the guy in front, and behind me. PLUS I pay attention to the 3 cars ahead and behind them. WHY? Because it's good for you. Because you need to learn to guess what EVERYONE else is going to do. When we are all wizzing along at 75 mph I need to make sure you butt fucks are on game. If you even swerve a bit, I watch you more, If your flying like a bat out of hell (I SO love to say that) I try to get out of your insane way, if you suck and are slower then me crawling, then I watch you and attempt to get away from you. It's all a method of skills, and being confident that I can navigate, all while making the right moves to get on with my journey with the least ammount of finger giving.
• AND last but not least lets talk about bikes. Sigh. I don't like you. I have lost 2 close friends of the family due to poor driving skills. If you ride a bike, I don't care if it's a crotch rocket or a big ass harley. If you are NOT wearing a helmet you can go fuck yourself. You are a speedbump that I don't want to deal with. Your stupid for driving 70 mph on a bike and no helmet?!? Whatever, I hope to god I don't hit you, because I will have your mess all over my car, I am assuming you will cause damage to my car, AND I will have to deal with your mess. AND bet my ass if you one of those chodes that cuts me off, with no helmet, I will feel NO remorse for running you over. Your stupid. And a waste of air as it is.
• If you are a bike rider. If you wear a helmet. If you attmpt to go a decent speed. Good for you. I wish you a safe trip. Please don't drive by me. I have confidence. But your just not ment for my SUV and the big semi's around here.

Alright, it's late, I have been wanting to post on my driving rules forever now. Add your own in the comment section. Or just keep lurking like you have been. And yes it's still creepy that you lurk.