I went to bed at 10:02 pm. Pretty early, but good to get into the habit since I enjoy my morning silence.
Woke up at 5:23 just a few minutes before Spaghetti is off to work, earliest I’ve been up in a long time. Nice to see him before he leaves for work.
I lay back in bed and decide to flip around on tv, nothing much. Some infomercials, Full House, decided on Boy Meets World. Then at 6:08, Bagel is knocking on my door.
I’m not the old me. The old me, that would infuriatingly yell at her daughter to go back to bed. And leave me alone AT least till there is a 7 on the clock!
It was the newer me. The me who stops myself from yelling. But I still was grumbly. Telling her to give me a minute. My bad for thinking getting up at 5:30 was going to give me so much ‘me time’ I needed to go in the bathroom for a minute.
Sigh. Never mind.
We go down from the second floor, as Weaky sleeps in. (thankyouverymuch) I start the coffee, and start to eat a banana. Bagel comes in, and sits at the sliding glass door, looking out to the deck.
I then remember that today we are going to Kindergarten Round up, to register Bagel for school.
I sit on the floor rug next to her. Just me and her.
Normally there are two big boxers all in our face if we sit on the floor,
or her brother wanting to sit too, some one is whining, someone is crying, a dog is barking, and SO much needs to be done, I don’t have the patience to sit there.
Today was different. Maybe it’s because my baby is going to Kindergarten. Her 5th birthday is right around the corner. I only see
this girl. A 15 month old baby. But in reality I have this… a feisty big girl.
No longer a baby, sassy, mind of her own, and when I’m paying attention ONE creative chica.
She’s smart. She writes her name, draws pictures well. Sings, plays. Loves markers over crayons, but paint is her favorite. She’s a play-doh junkie. If I had to explain her in Disney terminology she would be a 
Tink.
She’s silly, and cute like Tinkerbell. She’s got the feisty fire in her like a Tinkerbell. But my favorite part? She’s a Tinkerer.
My dad is, I am for sure, and so it’s only fit that my Mia is not as girly as she looks, she’s very hands on and I love it.
BUT she is a girl, and she loves to dress up, 
let’s not forget the Tinker part, so add in a bit of princess (but not to much) and you get Rapunzel. Part princess but barefoot, and strong minded. Open to explore, and enjoy adventures.
That is my Bagel.
And as I sat with her this morning, at the sliding glass door, I realized that my baby was getting big. And I need to stop being poor me, and take that quiet morning with my baby girl and enjoy every second, before she’s too cool to hang out with me, or to sit with me and talk about the melted snow.
As we sat in silence for a minute. She looks at me and says “Mom. I like you right now. Like that time I was in the tub and told you that your usually sad or mad. Not now. Now your nice and happy. Will you stay this way”
Sigh. I hope so Bagel. I hope the PTSD me, the PPD me, is gone. I will always look over my shoulder, knowing I won’t be the carefree me before kids, but trying to laugh more every day and do what one amazing mom once told me to do.
She said that ALL we need to do in this life is breathe. Just. Breathe. So I breathe.
I said to Bagel, I hope that I can stay this way. And instead of shooing her off to the tv room, so I can sit on the lap top, we finished the morning, with some marker art. She drew me flowers, and said “remember the other day when you showed me how to draw a flower with petals and leaves and the grass?! I did that and look! Just like you showed me”
She drew a lion blue, with orange fur. A map of how to get to bed. A page of hearts for how much she loves me. Her hand traced then rainbow colored in. And a family portrait with names by each of us.
We worked on a foam door hanger of a monkey and then she played with her play-doh ice cream maker. I taught her how to roll the doh in her hands to make a perfect ball. Then she played with her magnet dolls on the mini fridge.
A great morning of fun and some real one on one time. Note to self. Take the time, slow down, and enjoy your baby while she will still have you.
Feisty.
