I have found my True Religion

Each week or so, depending on my mood, I tear out a motivating picture from a magazine of what I want to look like. I know I can’t grow taller, but once upon a time I had THOSE abs. Sigh… and I actually once wore a shirt like that, with my jeans. With long blonde hair. And it was about 12 years ago.

I’ve been a rambly mess about wanting to diet, exercise blah blah blah. BUT Spaghetti has been working out… a lot. Sick? Works out. Working a double shift? Works out. Tired? Works out. 6 days in Arizona? Works out. And um… he’s not only losing weight after 7 weeks of P90X he’s getting toned. As in woah, your hot toned. His chest, stomach and arms are really getting nice… so maybe I try a bit harder?

On that note I bought new dry erase markers. Sounds pretty off the subject, but it’s little things that motivate us, and the dry erase chart we each have is pretty fun to make the X in that day. I have too many dashes through my days, while Spaghetti has all X’s, except his one day off each week.

I’ve got excuses out the wazoo, and right now instead of exercising I’m blogging about exercising!! So on the note of the dry erase markers, with my new ones, I redid my chart. Making a whole new pretty chart for me, because nothings less motivating then weeks of dashes and one X here and there.

Starting with Sunday… oh shit… today is Sunday huh? As in I should start out with an X for the first day? Give it a try? I fit 21 weeks on the chart kinda crazy it goes till the end of July…

IthinkIcan IthinkIcan IthinkIcan…

FeIsTy

This time I mean it

Do I tell you? Or not? Keep it to myself? Well when do I ever keep secrets from Blogger?

Today July 15th, Spaghetti is weighing in at work. They are doing a weight loss challenge. And for an incentive, there is a prize of $500 and two days paid off.

Me? Yep. Going for it for moral support.

Bullshit you say? Because I've started this "diet" over and over and over since January 3rd. And haven't lasted more then a day.

Am I excited? Nope.
Am I motivated? Yep.

The way I see it is I have nothing coming up besides my birthday (Monday) but I have requested that my mom make beer can chicken, salad and corn. I said I am allowed a slice of my angel food cake I get each year.

BUT besides that, I really don't have a holiday, or festive need to stuff my face for a few months.

I'm not going to do the P90X workout, not for a while, it's too hard on me. Call me a sissy, but it's been a LONG time, since this 5 foot jiggle carb queen has seen any sort of set work out.

I have a diet set, nothing crazy with messuring bowls, and scales. Just my own portion control.

Mostly fruits, veggies, chicken and pork. Salads, tuna and eggs (note the egg diet didn't even last through my post last time!)

I have a Gaiam Ball and work out DVD's. I think those are easy enough, yet keep me moving. I think even if I do some yoga on my off or busiest days, it will be good for me.

Are we takin' bets on how long I last? Which reminds me I need to take measure ments, and weigh myself... ewww... oh and if you want to know how I've felt about this before, check out my All Time Low post.

FeIsTy

Fat Suit

Unlike Meg Ryan I can not take off my fat suit after a day of work. Mine is permanent.

And at the rate I am eating it will be forever.

I am eating, yet another Volcano Box from Taco Bell. (this is my 3rd this week)

I am on and off on this diet/Lose it Bitch/ Biggest Looser/ life change thingy. I have recently picked up some WW books from my dear friend Mudd Pimp, and it seems like the best idea for me, hence I can NOT give up food, carbs, or what I want to eat.

That being said I do need a bit o' dicipline in the whole what I want and portion control. So the WW has had a trial. A shitty blotchy, messy random trial.

AND so again, Spaghetti is FINALLY tired of his "fat suit" too. So we have decided to start Monday. Sunday is a family get together, to celebrate the Superbowl, and all it's hot wing goodness, and Spaghetti's 34th birthday (damn! 34 already?!)

Monday it is... P90X? to bed early? Up to work out? Yoga? Healthy food?


I sure as fuck hope so. I am SO over stuffing my face wth burritos...

All time low.

I am depressed.

And you can eat my fat ass if you make any of the following comments...

• NO! Your not fat. You just had kids!
• I only wish I was as tiny as you!
• With the Holiday's coming you should just wait to diet.
• You are nuts! You look great, you carry it so well!

Well folks here you have it. Me "carrying it SO well" oh and if you haven't noticed this is a pity party for me.

Not you.

So if you wish to be 5 feet tall and 30 lbs over weight, go right ahead. When I bitch about my weight and you hear a number like 135, and could only wish to be so tiny, you must understand that people who are ONLY 5 feet tall should weigh around 105-115 at most. Understood?

Fuck the Holidays, I mean I love them and all but I can't sit around and just eat my weights worth of Holiday food, I will be in a deeper hole then I am in now.

And the whole "You just had kids" line is bull shit too. Seriously people. Weaky is 19 months. I have had MORE then enough time to get my ass even started on the right track.

I blame the insanity that they drive me too. I mean between the kids, the house, the bills and lack of money, the pets, and just everyday drama, eating is just what can make me happy.

SO I through myself a big fat pity party. Spaghetti was invited.

I was folding clothes. I tried on some old t-shirts... ha. That was a joke. Then I found my corset bra thingy I wore under my wedding dress. You know how it hooks in the back? How the two ends should match up around the back? Um, mine two ends of the corset? They made it to my sides. I am TWICE the size around that I was when I got married.

THEN when I thought that was bad. I found some maternity shirts, and tried them on, being all sad that I was done making babies, and realized I was to fat to look even remotely decent in them.

...

So if you sure as fuck don't fit into your skinny old clothes, and you are now looking quite muffin top-ish in your old maternity clothes. Then someone tell me what in the flying fuck am I supposed to wear?

So I cleaned my closet. I bagged up 2 garbage bags (so far) that was 78 hangers of shirts that in NO way I should wear in public. I refuse to muffin top, even around the house it's just gross.

I am now the proud owner of hoodies, sweaters, and a few tshirts.

1. This will cut back on clothes all over the floor, because I can't pull out the 90% of my wardrobe that doesn't fit me and PRETEND to suck it in, only to toss it in an angry fit 20 seconds after it leaves the hanger.

2. This will open my eyes to the limited wardrobe I have, so I MAY want to wear something besides the 14 items I have that fit.

3. I at one point REFUSED to buy clothes that fit my fat self, in fear I would stay this way. BUT for Christmas my MIL wants to take me Xmas shopping for clothes. I may just have to cave so I have clothes to wear (I have 1 pair of jeans, and one pair of corduroy pants)

What ever shall I do?!?

Spaghetti was invited to the pity party for the reason of I need his help. He needs to police me.

I do think P90X will be in this new me make over process.

I think my Giaim Ball and work out DVD will too.

Eating will consist of nothing fun. Nothing creepy and out of normalcy for me either.

Eggs for breakfast. WAY less coffee (I know, I know, but I can't function with out it completely)

Snack

Salad for lunch.

Snack

Dinner will be chicken and a veggie.

Work out of some sort for at LEAST 1 hour a day.

Results should be a skinnier me. And Spaghetti.

Will I stick to it? Will I be fat forever? I can only hope there will be a change... stay tuned for when we are starting, and how it is going...

Fuck you Friday!

It's been forever since I've done a Fuck You Friday post. So here are some fun Fuck You's I need to get out there... enjoy!!

• Fuck you to Comcast. Your new DTA box is shit, I now have to replace the one I just put in. And fuck you to your customer service people, who are extremely nice, and so I can't yell at them. Damn you all.
• Fuck you to the P90X work out, I do believe because of the Kenpo X I can not turn my head. The whole, look forward punch forward, look back kick back routine, that I still can't get right may or may not have me turning my whole body to look to the side. That folks is a small problem...
• Fuck you to the weather. Yes I know it's fall. I got it. Seen 31 of them now. But could I get those pretty fall days where it's chilly but sunny? I mean does anyone remember what the sun looks like?
• Fuck you to laundry. Because of my lack of doing, folding, sorting, purging. I have a 3 foot high by 3 feet wide and approx 8 feet long pile in my loft. It's clean, but let me tell you, I have completely dug out ALL the clean underwear. (I had to free ball it yesterday!)
• Fuck you to Spaghetti's medical insurance. Because you are now going to cost us $400 a month we are dropping to the middle plan. We would like SOME of his check please.
• Fuck you to the toys. We have SO many fucking little toys. I mean seriously. I just did the attic shuffle, moving in old toys, to condense. I thought it was a great idea to put those plastic drawer things under the t.v. cabinet for smaller toys. That was just a invite for Weaky to pull the drawers out, fling the toys, and then stand on top of the drawer container, to only have Bagel scream like she is standing on acid floors for you to get down or you will get hurt. I need a dumpster!!

That is all the Fuck You's I have for today. Hope you enjoyed. Let me know if I missed anything would ya?

How do I really feel about this diet?!?

Here is a typical P90X breakfast. (cute I know)


Sure it looks yummy. It a pear, and egg omelet, and two slices of turkey bacon. No sauce, I only get one fucking condiment a day. So I aint wastin' it on breakfast...


Lunch is usually something like green beans and a turkey burger covered in low fat no taste mozzarella cheese. Gag. me.

Dinner is usually me crying over how badly I want a WHOLE 4 cheese frozen pizza. Or a WHOLE box of Mac and Cheese for myself. Only ending in a chicken breast (here comes the condiment of choice!) and my carb for the day of 1 cup of rice (brown rice. Not the yummy white rice)

See the book below for the food chart of allotted meal options. There is also a page of how many of each I get per day. (take for example the light brown section on the left page. My fav. that is the carb section. But I only get one a day. Now the dark brown section above that is the protein section and sadly I get 5 of those a day. I can't pronounce most of them.)

The work out kicks my ass. That guy is funny, and I like his humor, joking about how he will come to my house to make sure I DO not have my heels on the floor while doing the walking lunges. All while he is forcing me to find muscles that I never knew I had. And causing me to have nights like last night. Holy batshit.

So last night I was SO sore. I mean I have been working out, but obviously the Kenpo X and the Yoga X are nothing compared to my fat ass doing the Legs and Back work out.

I couldn't walk with out wincing.

My legs, my back and my arms were like rubber. That work out was on Monday. Tuesday I was sore but yesterday... holy shit... I could even see straight. But it wasn't pain, it was just S.O.R.E.

Like body flu sore, is the best way to explain it. I swore I was coming down with the flu. But after soaking myself in the tub, and some Tylenol for that killer headache I had. I woke up fine.

Fine? I swore I would be bedridden for days, and wondering if I should call my mom to cancel the get together for Carrots (my dad) birthday tonight, and would I make it to the October Fest at my parents on Sunday... um sure, because I woke up just fine! To weird!

My friend on Facebook said that I was doing it right if I felt sore like that. And I mean I didn't over do it. at. all. I spent half the DVD in the confused head turned to the side position, and the other half of the time attempting to do at least one or two reps, while the fit people on the DVD screen did 25-30 reps.

My arms are killing me. I can only do one chin up on a chin up bar, but their variation had a girl using the band (you throw it over the chin up bar and pull like your doing chin ups.) the only problem was this was SO much easier I could do all 15 reps with the girl! (paying for it now! Hopefully I will have my Madonna arms sooner then later because of all that!)

I must share with you an in the moment picture. I am good for taking the camera and showing my real emotions (I did it once with post partum. Mid meltdown, I took a picture of myself. And yes I made a whole scrapbook page on it)

This was day 2 of the diet and work out. And how I really felt...

The piles.

I have piles of piles.



I have piles of lists that go on and on.



I seem to have an art of making lists, in fancy notebooks, on fancy tablets, that get put away and never seen.



I have piles of lists to find those fancy lists that I put away.

I have piles of laundry that need to be washed.

I have a husband that works sometimes two jobs a day, and works out once a day, and has his sleep wear (when he's allowed to sleep) that man alone could keep me in the laundry business.

My daughter Bagel is a Diva in the making, every time she come out of her room from a nap, or just to stop by she comes out in a different outfit, and clean underwear (I can't complain, I mean she must change her underware about 2x's a day)

Then you have the little 17 month old who is learning to self feed, and he has NO fear whatsoever of dirt, and bugs. (all goes in mouth or rubbed into clothes) that little tot is EASILY 2 outfits a day.

Myself? Ah I wear the stylish p.j. pants and tshirt (or long sleeved if it's chilly) around the house. I try to make the same outfit last a few days for laundry's sake anyway. If I go out I will fashion myself a clean outfit. But for the sake of ungodly laundry piles, I again repeat I would SO be in a nudist colony.

I have piles of blogs in my head. Is that possible? I just do things and think, this would be great blog material. I do believe that being on facebook has allotted me to cheat a bit, and post my currant thoughts there. But I would rather have them here.

Oh and the piles of toys.

Lots of those.

The front living room is the designated "toy room" I try to keep it as picked up as possible. I really need to purge. There are so many of those fucking little McD's toys my mother and MIL pick up for the kids, plus all the little peoples and cars, and balls. (I swear there are about 6 balls just waiting for me to walk by late at night so I can slip and break my damn neck)

Weaky's room has some toys too, some as in two houses (a small town and a castle) and a few people. Bagel's room has only stuffed toys, and one book. Because she WILL never sleep with toys in there. BUT I am seriously thinking about giving her a few more in there just because she seems to be doing better. (maybe when we paint her room...)

I have for the most part tamed the paper clutter to a small mountain. No really it's filed, or shredded. The mail barely makes it in the door and it's tossed, shredded and read and put away. (I am good at that!)

Oh and there are piles of pictures. Sounds bizarre, but being an avid scrapbooker, I have PILES of pictures, and I do scrapbook often, I just take about 80 pictures a month!

So excuses for not blogging? Nah.

Just lettin you know I am up to my eyeballs in just about everything. (like those fascinating people on the show "Hoarders"...but not really... more of a figuratively kinda way...)

(hoping to get my other post on how the P90X is doing done and out there soon!)

Day two. 89 to go.

Alright I had to hold back from blogging yesterday. I was a mood swing of bitter anger and sad, sad pity parties. Thanks to Aerial for letting me fill her voicemail full of rants and some crying. I do believe if you read me on FB then you truely get the effect this is having on me.


If you don't know, yesterday was day one of ... P90X let me tell you it is all the ass whooping it promises you.


The diet is weird, and we are working to make it more edible or I am running full sprint to the car and off to the closest deep fried food I can find. (I was SO close last night)


The diet is weird. And I can eat Salmon and turkey bacon, but I need to adjust it. We here are creatures of habit. We like a food we eat the same thing for days. So I will make broccoli for a week, and that is fine with Spaghetti. I will choose the Dole lime fruit bar as my snack everyday, and cherish it's yumminess.


The work out. Well we started out with the "Core Synergistics" DVD. Wow. I realized when I had a hard time lifting the gallon of milk this morning that I worked out yesterday! The "Core" DVD is all about push-ups of all creative kinds, and ab work to make you cry. We don't cry we laugh and point at the t.v. screen.


I am proud of us for trying this, and maybe I won't lose the 30 pounds I have set. But any pounds is good for me! Now if Spaghetti can keep of his pop and I can (whimper) keep off the coffee, we will have done good! (I am sure I will have more money since the drive through is off limits too!)

Queen of Feisty