Fat Suit

Unlike Meg Ryan I can not take off my fat suit after a day of work. Mine is permanent.

And at the rate I am eating it will be forever.

I am eating, yet another Volcano Box from Taco Bell. (this is my 3rd this week)

I am on and off on this diet/Lose it Bitch/ Biggest Looser/ life change thingy. I have recently picked up some WW books from my dear friend Mudd Pimp, and it seems like the best idea for me, hence I can NOT give up food, carbs, or what I want to eat.

That being said I do need a bit o' dicipline in the whole what I want and portion control. So the WW has had a trial. A shitty blotchy, messy random trial.

AND so again, Spaghetti is FINALLY tired of his "fat suit" too. So we have decided to start Monday. Sunday is a family get together, to celebrate the Superbowl, and all it's hot wing goodness, and Spaghetti's 34th birthday (damn! 34 already?!)

Monday it is... P90X? to bed early? Up to work out? Yoga? Healthy food?


I sure as fuck hope so. I am SO over stuffing my face wth burritos...

All time low.

I am depressed.

And you can eat my fat ass if you make any of the following comments...

• NO! Your not fat. You just had kids!
• I only wish I was as tiny as you!
• With the Holiday's coming you should just wait to diet.
• You are nuts! You look great, you carry it so well!

Well folks here you have it. Me "carrying it SO well" oh and if you haven't noticed this is a pity party for me.

Not you.

So if you wish to be 5 feet tall and 30 lbs over weight, go right ahead. When I bitch about my weight and you hear a number like 135, and could only wish to be so tiny, you must understand that people who are ONLY 5 feet tall should weigh around 105-115 at most. Understood?

Fuck the Holidays, I mean I love them and all but I can't sit around and just eat my weights worth of Holiday food, I will be in a deeper hole then I am in now.

And the whole "You just had kids" line is bull shit too. Seriously people. Weaky is 19 months. I have had MORE then enough time to get my ass even started on the right track.

I blame the insanity that they drive me too. I mean between the kids, the house, the bills and lack of money, the pets, and just everyday drama, eating is just what can make me happy.

SO I through myself a big fat pity party. Spaghetti was invited.

I was folding clothes. I tried on some old t-shirts... ha. That was a joke. Then I found my corset bra thingy I wore under my wedding dress. You know how it hooks in the back? How the two ends should match up around the back? Um, mine two ends of the corset? They made it to my sides. I am TWICE the size around that I was when I got married.

THEN when I thought that was bad. I found some maternity shirts, and tried them on, being all sad that I was done making babies, and realized I was to fat to look even remotely decent in them.

...

So if you sure as fuck don't fit into your skinny old clothes, and you are now looking quite muffin top-ish in your old maternity clothes. Then someone tell me what in the flying fuck am I supposed to wear?

So I cleaned my closet. I bagged up 2 garbage bags (so far) that was 78 hangers of shirts that in NO way I should wear in public. I refuse to muffin top, even around the house it's just gross.

I am now the proud owner of hoodies, sweaters, and a few tshirts.

1. This will cut back on clothes all over the floor, because I can't pull out the 90% of my wardrobe that doesn't fit me and PRETEND to suck it in, only to toss it in an angry fit 20 seconds after it leaves the hanger.

2. This will open my eyes to the limited wardrobe I have, so I MAY want to wear something besides the 14 items I have that fit.

3. I at one point REFUSED to buy clothes that fit my fat self, in fear I would stay this way. BUT for Christmas my MIL wants to take me Xmas shopping for clothes. I may just have to cave so I have clothes to wear (I have 1 pair of jeans, and one pair of corduroy pants)

What ever shall I do?!?

Spaghetti was invited to the pity party for the reason of I need his help. He needs to police me.

I do think P90X will be in this new me make over process.

I think my Giaim Ball and work out DVD will too.

Eating will consist of nothing fun. Nothing creepy and out of normalcy for me either.

Eggs for breakfast. WAY less coffee (I know, I know, but I can't function with out it completely)

Snack

Salad for lunch.

Snack

Dinner will be chicken and a veggie.

Work out of some sort for at LEAST 1 hour a day.

Results should be a skinnier me. And Spaghetti.

Will I stick to it? Will I be fat forever? I can only hope there will be a change... stay tuned for when we are starting, and how it is going...

For a head tilting good time

I started this blog called "Happy New You" in January. It was a dieting, work out blog that I wanted separate from my "InSaNiTy At ItS bEst" blog.

I took about 7 months off of it. But for a humorous approach on yet another attempt to get it right. Go to... my post on scratching and tilting my head "Happy New You"

I can get just as fat at Taco Bell

I realized tonight that shopping for anything with just cash is horrible. I had a set $6 to get myself Linner (late lunch might as well be dinner) and some potatoes at KFC for Weaky.


So I go to KFC first, order a large potato (maybe I should just eat here) so I order a potato bowl for myself. Not happening on my $6 budget! That was over $8 just for that!! So I said just the potatoes for Weaky.


Then I traveled across the parking lot to Taco Bell to get myself two yummy Cheesy Double Beef Burritos, OMG! Rice, beef, nacho cheese, and a soft tortilla! I also got a large Mt. Dew, and a cinnamon twist! Hello, budget meal! (quite healthy I must add)


As much as I do big red puffy heart my Potato Bowl from KFC for almost $5, I also do love my $1.29 Cheesy Double Beef Burritos just a bit more!

Skinny babble

Yep. January 2005. 4 years, and 5 months ago. I was about 112 lbs, and then I was 5 lbs more then I wanted to be. (Oh and that is Sophie (Dong) when she was just 5 months old! Aww)

Sigh.

I want to be that tiny again. That energetic again. Able to just grab clothes and go. And the only issue I should have with my clothes is that I just can't make up my mind on an outfit, not because I am to fat for it.

I want to post my reasons for eating healthy. Maybe seeing all the reasons will help me.

1. My knees. I swear, at only 30 1/2 years old, these extra 25 lbs are rough on my knees.
2. My clothes. I have some cute clothes. And I can't wear them because I REFUSE to have a tire, or a bagel, of any kind showing when I go out in public (the back yard is a whole different story. Then neighbors get the best!)
3. My self esteem. Not that I ever really had low self esteem. I'm not all into myself, but I do pride myself on looking pretty good. And when your the short fat white chick. AND with the mom hair. Well that is enough to knock me down a few pegs on the "esteem ladder"
4. My ability to hike. We have been walking and hiking ALOT lately. And going to Starved Rock State Park, is one of my favorite places to go. And the stairs were tough for me. (I must point out there are over 100 stairs on the one staircase) Plus I was either toting a 26 lb 3 year old. Or the 17 lb 1 year old. At one point, I made Spaghetti carry them both!
5. The kids. Who doesn't want to keep up with their kids? Honestly who can? I mean the energy of a 3 year old is insane! But I would love to be able to hike, and bike, and just do all kinds of things and not be pooped.

I think if we do this now. If we start eating good. Walking ALOT, biking too. And we just really try. This will last us our whole life, and not only effect us as parents of toddlers, but as parents of teens, and as grandparents too.

I want to be able to do everything I can with my family. And I know it's just 25 lbs. But to me that is ALOT. My babies are here, and it has been over a year now. I just need to remember that me in the picture above. And strive to be a healthier me.

So we started yesterday. Good foods, like oatmeal, eggs, chicken and yogurt. Coffee and water are my beverages. Today was eggs, coffee, toast, and then cottage cheese and applesauce for lunch. We went to the park with the kids. Spaghetti ran the track, and I played with the kids.

I do think with my Gaiam work out routine (I can do it, I am comfortable doing it, and I feel the results the next day) and eating healthy, I will be in good shape. Not sure when. I will just do my best for as long as I can.

And if I do fall of the wagon, which I am sure a pizza dinner, or a ice cream break will come along. I won't fight it. But I will need to be strong and go back to my healthy ways.

I hope this whole soapbox babble is going to help. I hope the eating good, cleaning the house more often, and taking care of myself will stick.

I enjoy a clean house, a more organized life, a healthy energetic me, and a happy me. So here is to the first day of many!

Because of you.

So many things for this little man of mine. For him I gained 35 lbs for him to be created. I still have 12 lbs left, and another 15 to get to my goal weight after that.



I kicked ass on January 1st. I kicked ass all the way till January 9th when I went away on my girls Scrapbooking weekend.



I swore when we got home on the 12th I would go back to my 6:30 am wake up, coffee and yoga, eating healthy, mixing in a work out routine and all. Well it's January 30th and I have not even attempted to eat healthy since I got back.



BUT. Starting Monday.


Starting Monday, Weaky has to spend 3 hours at a doctors office getting fitted for his DOC band at Cranial Tech. He has moderate Plagiocephaly.



The condition is not uncommon, it's called plagiocephaly (pla'je-o-sef'ah-le), and often results from external forces applied to the soft infant skull.


It might sound complicated, but plagiocephaly literally means "oblique head" (from Greek: plagio = oblique, and cephale = head) It's called a parallelogram deformity because, if you look down on the infant's head (bird's-eye-view), this is the shape you will see. From this angle it looks as if half of the head has been pushed forward, often accompanied by misalignment of the ears, facial asymmetry and bulging forehead.



So because of this Weaky must wear a helmet for 3-4 months to reshape his perfect little head. And for 23 hours a day. I am in no way ready for the nights of no sleep to come. (they say the first 3 nights S.U.C.K.) Spaghetti has already taken of some night shifts to stay home with me, so I am not doing this alone. Again Spaghetti is a kick ass husband.


And so with this, I decided that if Weaky must go through 3-4 months of no fun to get into shape. So will I. Starting Monday, and yes I realize that will all the stress of his new DOC band, it is one hell of a time to start dieting and exercising, but we can do this together.





So good bye Bacon Bits, that I can eat in just one sitting. As a snack. By themselves.




And hello to yogurt. Chicken, fish, veggies and an infinite amount of water. I will work right along with my little man. And maybe it will stick, maybe if I bust my ass come May I will be one hot mama, or at least fit into something other then my sweats and Spaghetti's t-shirts.

Yogurt.

In an effort to restart my healthy eating via Sparkpeople, I will be starting on February 2nd. The day Weaky get's his DOC band. He has to wear it for 3-4 months. I will be crazy working out and eating healthy as long as he has on his DOC band. Maybe after 3-4 months, it will become a habit. So I am humoring myself and attempting to try my hand at scheduling in Yoga, mini meals, and figuring when my work out will be. Along with the kids, pets, house work and Stampin' Up! business.

Anywho back to the gag story on yogurt, and my hate for it.

I ate some. (No really I hated it)

Like a whole little cup full. (6 ounces!)
I don't like the texture. (Kinda grainy with chunks?!)

I have tried the whipped. (it made me cry. It was lumpy and spooky)

The smooth drinks. (again not a good experience, like coating my throat with thick goo)

I swear there was something crunchy in there. (Aaagghhh!)

I don't like it much at all. (I am trying here people!)
It smells bad. (Not really. Just an over exaggeration)
I gagged a few times. (not lying.)
I chased each bite of yogurt with my coffee. (I had alot of coffee today)
But I did it. And I will do it again. I will get used to it. (hooray to me!)

Gag.

My big ideas for 2009

Happy New Years Eve! As I sit in my cluttered home on the eve of a new year, 2009 holds promise for a new me, and a new home plan for us here.





So here it is. The big list. The list of things I am going to do, or not do, in this fantabulous new year. A year of projects and goals set just for me. I am not going to set out goals or projects that I don't think I can reach. But these are more guide lines for a better life. Starting tomorrow.

Eat better. Shocker right? Who doesn't have this one on there list. (one year I had it to NOT eat good. Go against the flow, worked well. I now have 28 extra pound due to that brilliant idea) Sparkpeople here I come. I am registered there. My Iowa friend says it worked great when she stuck to it. It's more of meal plan, and daily check in.

I know, I know, who's going to keep up with checking in everyday online? Well. Me. I want to try. It's really cool, and FREE, you can track your weight, size, and you get to choose what you want to eat off there menu. (I by the way will be starting this on January 12th, because of my Scrapbook getaway on the 9-11th, will be my last big weekend, until then I have planning to do)

Spaghetti and I need, and I mean NEED someone to tell us what to eat. That mixed with some working out, should do me some good this year.

Yes I said it. Working out. And not the gym like I have done before. I need something to work around being home with the kids. So there is some free Yoga and work out shows On Demand, so I can always go watch those. I actually have a goal of getting up before everyone else, doing morning yoga, drinking my coffee, and having everything perfect each morning. (did you just snort your beverage of choice out your nose too?) I know the hardest part will be getting up, so I need to start with my night routine (Flylady) and go to bed early! (like 10 pm early!)

I can't be negative or put down my ideas before I even try them. There will be many days where this won't work, but the days I have gotten up at 6:30 I am up before everyone, I get the dishwasher emptied, and thing set for the day. Now if I can just toss in some Yoga, what a great way to start my day!

I also would like to walk with the kids, and or dogs more. I have a HUGE neighborhood, and I could walk with the big double stroller. I want to set up Spaghetti's weight bench and we could both work out. I have some 3 and 5 lb weights to work with. Nothing crazy. But to tone my ever so jello like figure.

Budget. I do budget. I could always do better at this. And now with the taxes not being paid through our monthly mortgage payments, I seriously need to watch money. But we can breath better with things like this.

Scrapbook more. You need to make the time, and as much as I love to scrapbook, and take pictures, I need to use what I have and keep up with all my great ideas brewing in my head!

Take care of myself. Kinda goes along with the whole eat better, and work out plan, but I need to floss, and brush my teeth more, I need to just take the time and wash my face and put on lotion everyday (this pretty young face ain't gettin' any younger!)

Organize. Hee hee. Again on everyone's list. I started a HUGE project back in August to organize, and purge my house. I have LOTS of crap around here, and finding homes for it all is a bit time consuming, but that is why I started the "Where do I begin" blog, to keep track of what is going on, and how I am getting there.

We just have to much clutter, and stuff, and clutter, and gah, just everything here is to much. It drives me nuts but especially Spaghetti. I hate for him to be annoyed by the house he barely gets to spend time in. (and just so you know, I took over 100 lbs worth of clothes and house hold items to donate in December! Fly lady has you weigh your clutter, I lost 100 lbs in a month!)

I guess on the organize idea, I want to be able to walk out of the house, just grabbing a few things and go. Not the whole up stairs for a sippy, down the stairs for a blankie, up the stai... oh wait grab this real quick... now where was I going? Oh shit were SO late for this event! Yep that is our routine. By then Spaghetti is sitting in the car with Bagel and Weaky, while I do the crazy circle dance in the kitchen, listing out loud the items I have and need for a simple day out. So if I could plan ahead, or have a diaper bag just ready to go would be smart.

Emergency plan. Seriously with the two little ones, and my dogs, and my cats, if there was an emergency I would need to whisk everyone out the door, into the truck in minutes flat. I would want to have everything saved from our home, but realistically that won't happen. I do need to check and update the fire safe, be sure the picture CD's are easy to grab (in a file box on my desk) and have a emergency bag for all of us.

May sound a bit much. But when Bagel was 7 months old, the Carbon Monoxide detectors went off in the middle of the night, I called 911 and they came in all suited with special outfits and breathing gear, as they read our numbers (not sure what they were) but we needed to get everyone out. Now.

The dogs were let outside, and Bagel and myself went across the street to a neighbors house. After a few hours, we went back home, gathered up what we needed for the night, packed up cats, dogs, myself and Bagel and we went to my parents house. (before Weaky's time, and Spaghetti was working nights) We were able to go back the next day, the found it was our stove (only 4 years old!) had a leak in it. The levels were very high and dangerous.

I didn't have a getaway bag then, like I should, and especially with two kids, and all the pets, I need to be responsible and be ready for anything.

Business plan. As always I love my Stampin' Up! business and I want to keep working at improving my classes, and ideas for my customers. Stampin' Up! is the kind of company that always makes it super easy to do this. They have TONS of ideas, and tools to make this possible. And on that note, I need to track my expenses better for taxes!

Laundry.

I know. Laugh. No really. It's funny if you know me. If you know I STILL have 9 bags of laundry in Weakys closet from the people-are-coming-over-shove-all-the-clothes-in-garbage-bags-deal-with-them-later.

Riiiiiiiiggghhhtttt. Later as in when we are naked from the shower, have nothing to wear, and still need to do the spin around the kitchen dance to get everything to go?

So with Laundry comes the process of doing laundry before it is covering the WHOLE bathroom floor, spilling out of the laundry basket.

After washing it, put it in the dryer.

After drying the laundry, using the hanging rack and hangers in the basement, ACTUALLY use it to hang clothes. Take the laundry up stairs and PUT IT AWAY. No really away, dumping it onto the bedroom floor is not where it belongs.

I do need to purge and get rid of a TON of my clothes, I don't wear or fit into 80% (obviously the 9 bags in the closet) AND maybe if I can get my laundry shit together, I could actually iron, and put together outfits for Spaghetti to wear to work? Maybe? Let's just start with the knee deep laundry covering my bedroom floor, and the 9 bags still in Weaky's closet.

PICK UP AFTER MYSELF. No really, I suck SO bad at this. I can't leave an area with out making a mess, and leaving it there. I really have to out loud tell myself to clean up when I am done. It's a bit much but I am realizing I am a HUGE factor in the constant mess around here.

Any other ideas? I know it's alot to do, alot to change, but it's all real, and doable. I can get up early, do yoga, have things together, keep up with laundry, keep up with myself, and the kids, take care of myself and pets better, walk with the kids, eat better, feed my family better, run a better business, all while making time to scrapbook, read, and just stare at the wall.

Sure it's possible. I can do this. How? Because I believe in myself to do better for myself and my family. It may be the same speech we are all giving ourselves, but I need to do this for a happier family life for us Mc's.

Happy New Year everyone, may 2009 be a more organized and healthy year for all of us!