OMG. I WORKED out.

Not kidding. No pep talk needed, no prebragging about what I'm going to do. I did it.

I ate good all day, small, healthy meals, drank water, coffee with NO sugar. Just black. Kids were napping, Spaghetti was home, I went for a power bike ride, then came home all pumped up and did crunches on my yoga ball, then some squats and then some arm work with my band.

I vowed on January 3rd I was going to start the Lose it Bitch  program, with support of my blog friends... sigh well after some procrastinating, and a WHOLE lotta "last bad food day" binges, oh and Holiday's and birthdays for excuses, and maybe even a cloudy day to use as an excuse. SO only 312 days later. I did it.

Day one is HUGE for me. One day at a time, baby steps. AND I mean BABY steps. Go me!

FeIsTy

Marriage as I know it.

As I sit at my laptop, between my children's bedrooms, and my husband sits two floors down watching Family Guy on full blast. (I know this because I can hear it two floors up!)

Someone recently sent a note on facebook, asking only particular friends on the topic of Marriage? Hmmm... basics from my situation. Married June 16th, 2001. 3,432 days. (roughly) I was 22 (turning 23 in 33 days) And he was 25. I thought I was wise, and knew what I wanted.

Backing up the story a bit, dating life for me consisted of one short term boyfriend in H.S. (4 months) and then my next boyfriend was almost 5 years. I left him because I met Spaghetti.

This boyfriend I thought I would marry, and live happily ever after with. Said boyfriend was good to me. Polite, generous, and loving. BUT to many times he wanted me to be MORE preppy, and I started to hear "I don't want to hear your stories about your friends. They are NOT my friends" and "Don't be weird. Just be normal. Please?"

The fact that I was asked to change my looks, stop talking about my friends, and to not be me was too much for me to deal with. Plus he always needed "space" for a week at a time, every few months to 'think' about us.

I met Spaghetti working at the Casino. We worked nights together. He said he first saw me at a morning meeting (I was fresh off a grave shift and bitchy as ever) he said he was rude and stared at me most of the meeting because I was so beautiful. I vaguely remember a guy across from me.

Night shifts were insane, funny, and some of the best job memories ever. After night shift, Ed would invite me to breakfast at Sarah's Place. It became a weekly thing. Breakfast was 2 hours, 6 hours and once an 8 hour day sitting in a booth. Talking.

We laughed, told stories, did the 'what if's' on just about everything in life. I was quickly falling in love with him, and out of love with my boyfriend at the time.

I knew I had to end it with my boyfriend. The one I was sure was going to ask me to marry him in a few months (by rumors) I didn't want to NOT give Spaghetti a chance.

Spaghetti was NOT pushy in wanting to date me, I actually asked him out. That was May 29th 1999. We were engaged on October 29th 1999. And married June 16th 2001. 

(Spaghetti and myself center, with the groomsmen of our wedding)

We set rules to our marriage.

1. NEVER. GROW UP. (only to do bill paying and house stuff we HAVE to make grow up decisions for. Otherwise, we enjoy life, as kids)

2. NEVER bring up the past. (it's simple. Don't toss in crap from 6 months ago if it's not relevant to the argument. Seems obvious but it was a quick way to squash having those arguments. Issue? Deal with it NOW)

3. DO NOT Guilt Trip. (It's petty and pretty sure we will SO not do it now with a guilt trip in tow)

4. We TALK when arguing. (we TRY, and try is a strong one, to NOT yell when arguing. Talking makes more sense. I see it as I won't listen to my kids when they whine, so we won't listen when the other yells)

5. Family First. (easy one. I assume most families work this way. We never put friends, jobs, or extended family before the needs of our family of 4)

Those are what we work with. We also said that since we were getting married so young, that we wanted to wait at least 5 years before having kids. WOW those 5 years FLEW by.

But when I was let go from work, it only seemed to make sense to start to make the babies! That was summer 2005. Had a girl in spring of 2006, then my boy in spring of 2008.

Family of 4. Married. Happily ever after? Sure. Looks like it from the outside. To be honest we as a married couple are great.

We discuss money, child care, family, and still 'what if's' of life. My postpartum from kids 22 months apart, set me in a whirlwind of emotional break downs and shutting everyone out around me. Except Ed, but when he was working 3 jobs, it was pretty lonely out there. (during this time he worked nights from 930pm till 630 am, then a day job part time, 20 hour a week, 9am till 2 pm, and on those off days he was at Wrigley vending. Which is a hour drive, having to be there hours before gates open, and then the hours of Chicago traffic to come home around 8 pm to go back to work at 930)

I was lonely. He was exhausted.

Finally this past spring I came out of my funk. Almost 4 years of being in a BAD mood, a SAD mood, a I’M FREAKING OUT mood. We had a hard time during the postpartum because he was exhausted from work, and I was exhausted from 24/7 child care. He didn't get that a hug and a pat on the back, maybe even a nice note would make my life easier.

One Christmas when we were SUPER broke, he gave me my one Christmas wish. A love letter. No joke it was 6 pages long. I have it in my art room, and read it often.

He wrote about how he didn't understand what I was going through, but we would get through it. That note helped a lot.

We are at a point, at current date, that we are doing good. Money is SUPER tight, and so that makes things hard with two little ones. But we pay the bills, and enjoy the days off we have together doing as much free as we can.

Baby steps. Take it one day at a time, I try to remember this is my life, and I chose him to take this ride of life with me.

My advice to anyone who wants it? Don't take life seriously. No one gets out alive anyway. I have lived mine by a simple rule.

I must be happy. I.

Think of when you ride an airplane and they say put your mask on before helping other around you. That’s like my motto.

Sure I make sacrifices with having children, and the lack of money makes it hard to make that 'happy' a Caribbean lifestyle we all want, BUT in all seriousness, take care of you. Take care of your little people, and if you can find someone to enjoy that ride with you. Awesome.

BUT don't make SO many sacrifices that you aren't even living YOUR life. Be Happy, and the rest just seems to fall into place. But it's finding that "happy" that is the hard part.

I wanted to share this with you all. It’s our way of life, and it works. I’m just happy someone has put up with my constant rambling, my unconventional ways, my random moods, and my perky morning self, who only wants to be happy.

I just wish one thing for all of my friends. To be able to find the happy that I have.

FeIsTy

I wanted to post. But I have to poop

Sorry to say the title is true, my brain is full of poop, so I can not think clearly. I was hoping for some great McD’s burritos and a coke to inspire me, on this kid free morning. But alas the brown town bus is begging to drop kids off. So for the sake of sanitary I will be leaving McD’s to go home. Will I post there… we shall see…

FeIsTy

4 days of Halloween

Holy celebration. Let’s just say with 4 different days to celebrate, myself and two little ones to get ready, AND then the one day Spaghetti dresses up it was a bit much for me.

Day One.

Wednesday

Preschool Halloween Party at the local skate rink.

Some of us parents dress up. I was “Wonder Mom” I know, modest aren’t I?

Then we had Jessie… OMG! Too cute!

And her brother Buzz who was avoiding me and the camera…

It was HOT in that place, we were all sweaty, and trying to enjoy ourselves, all while keeping the siblings happy (I was failing!!)while the Preschoolers did their group pictures, song performance, and costume parade.

Here are some of my new mommy friends…

This is Chrissa, see I’m not the only one who smiles with ALL of my teeth! CHEESE!!

And we have Melissa, who is always dressed TOO cute, and so are her daughters! (I’m talkin’ glittler shoes for the girls, cute coats, little hats. OMG! If ONLY Bagel would let me…)

And there is Amber. Another awesome mom, who I love to chat with… me? Love to chat? haha!

Right SO that was day one, and yes I have a TON more pictures of my kids, but this is MY blog, so you get to see more of ME and MY friends.

Moving on…

Day Two

Thursday.

Witches Night Out. A Costume Event to Benefit Women in Need. The event is about having fun while raising funds for social service agencies struggling to provide services to women in need. They had crafters, and physic readings, and a band. Dinner too.

My best friend Aerial and I went, I was sexy purple witch, she was blue hair witch.

Group shot of all of us, (right to left) Michelle, Aerial, Myself, (behind me is Patti and Piper) then Frances my sister is next to me and the fabulous Gigi to her left.

 

We all had some fun at the bar. Yes this was a reception hall with a fancy pants bar. Frances posed with this HUGE Martini glass! Since Piper was our driver, we all had a few shots. Amaretto is my choice. A GREAT girls night out.

Check me out at 4:08

Friday was just preschool and then the kids stayed at Gramma and Grampa Mc’s house till the party on Saturday.

Saturday

Day Three.

Papa Carrots surprise 60th Halloween Party.

Exhausting to say the least. Trying to pull off a surprise party, glad my IL’s had the kids and I could enjoy getting ready with Spaghetti…

Spaghetti was an inmate, he had these awesome tattoo sleeves, and a jumpsuit with handcuffs (I later found the fur from those, I didn’t realize they were our love cuffs! Wipe the dust of those suckers!!)

I was a ‘Dark Witch’

My mom was a skeloton she had an apron on since she was hosting, it was easier to work her costume around that!

And Frances was a prisoner.

My Dad was surprised, excited to see so many of his nieces and nephews there. Friends and family too…

(BTW this picture below is of Spaghetti with Weaky and his mom. I LOVE this shot!!)

I had made a great "Witches Lab” to take people on a tour, it was fun creating the items to touch and feel. Check out this video to see our friend Chula go through a “tour” the victims were really taken in a dark room with only the black light lit…

Witches Lab Tour

THAT was a fun night, almost everyone dressed up, and won prizes. It was a VERY late night, we went home around 11, thankfully the Queen said she would keep Bagel and bring her home to trick or treat the next day.

Day Four

Sunday.

Halloween.

By now you could stick a fork in me, like this post Halloween festivities went on FOR.EV.ER. So I got a few shots. Queen Gigi stayed and handed out candy, Spaghetti slept since he was working early then later. So Papa Carrots went with me and the kids, just around the block and down one street and we were DONE.

So Happy Halloween to everyone. That was an exhausting week! Onto the next Holiday!!

Oh and be sure to visit the RoCk $TaR girls over at SITS to see why I love them SO much!

FeIsTy

The Wiggler + Glitter = Pumpkin inspiration 2010

Inspired by this little beast of mine, the baby of my fuzzy children, we have Miss Sophie.

She is BY FAR a “Sophie” she should have been Butch, or Ralph, or Cujo for that matter. She’s a bit more rough, and loves to "’box’ she destroys toys faster then I can pick them up (which is kinda a good way of cleaning out toys. I just need to teach her what is crap ‘Happy Meal Toys’ and what is ‘Bagels favorite and I will never hear the end of it toy’) She is a small, butt wiggling beast, but she is my baby, my snuggler, and how do you NOT love that face?

Now with this precious little face in mind, and a paper print out from a website, I got out ALL my tools for carving…

Sadly it was the little exacto knife that had to do ALL the top shaving work. Phew…

This LITTLE pile took me almost a hour! (Mind you the poking of the pattern was in that hour too)

But I started to see some resemblance to my Sophie… right? Well LONG after the kids, and Spaghetti had finished painting theirs, and had dinner, Mommy was still carving away…

And WALA! We have a ‘Boxer’ pumpkin! But then I get a call from my mother to check out the Martha Stewart OnDemand Special she did on glitter… hmmmm…. I LOVE glitter…

And with a bit of Aleene’s glue…

And a WHOLE lot of fine pretty glitter, you can decorate anything…

See my test victim… cute, purple, shiney…

So I used A TON of glitter, as in ALL of my brown, and a CRAP load of this glue. AND afterwards I had to chisel away the spaces where I didn’t want the glitter to go into. Phew… but all in all I think this is the best, shaving, carving, gluing, glittering pumpkin I have EVER done.

LOVE it! Happy Halloween everyone! Be sure to stop by and see more great Halloween posts and a bunch of crazy bloggers hoping to win something big over here at the SITS girls place!

Have a safe night!

FeIsTy!

1979 Halloween

 

The FANTASTIC girls over at The SITS girls are doing an AWESOME giveaway on their site, AND so I am prompted and inspired to do a Halloween Weekend posting… enjoy!

Halloween 1979, I was 15 1/2 months old. I remember, and see pictures from every Halloween, from picking pumpkins with my mom and dad

Dressing up silly. (Gawd who doesn’t remember trying to breathe in these crazy plastic masks?!

Or the fun of sorting candy every Halloween after you Trick-or-Treat.

This photo above is of myself and my sister Frances, we would put a line (or a wooden snake) down the middle of the floor, and sort our candy by type. Then we would do the trade off. I LOVED Snickers, and she loved Butterfingers. So for however many we had of each it was a trade off. I did peanut MnM’s she did plain, this would go till we were happy with our new loot piles.

Halloween is SUCH an emotional Holiday for me. I have the BEST memories with my cousins (on my mom’s side) on this Holiday. We would ALL dress up, and my mom and dad would host a party. We would trick-or-treat together with our friends, and go to Chaney Haunted House, go to grave yards, and run through the cornfields.

Our parents were close, and losing my Aunt and then my Uncle a few years after, both to alcohol abuse made the holiday very hard for all of us.

My cousins and I don’t see each other every Halloween like we used to, of coarse we all live in different cities, and have families and kids of our own, but as busy as I get each year. I stop and remember the family, the memories, the laughter, the games, and screams from our Halloween fun.

Rest in Peace Uncle Jim and Aunt Karen. Uncle Jim’s Chicago Bears sweater every year, and somehow I was next to Aunt Karen in the Haunted House when she would scream and flail her arms so I would get punched in the face, I miss that, and I miss you.

So now it’s a new generation of memories. Mixed with the never forgetting of the old ones.

FeIsTy.

Magic Drink

Some people devote their free time to wine, martini’s, or margarita’s. Now not that I’m not all for the luxury of having a adult beverage to relax but I fancy another.

I’m thinking Coffee is my happy drink, if not coffee then McD’s coke. They are both my crack. They inspire me to do magic.

I shit you not, and tell me if I’m wrong that we all have that one drink that inspires us to do great things. I’m typing on a coffee buzz right now.

It’s 7:52pm on a Wednesday, and I just finished my 12 ounces of Starbucks "Morning Joe” coffee. I have an inspiration to clean the fluffy catipillars off my ceiling fans, wash the dishes, wash floors, do laundry, and organize my art room (since my art friends are coming by tomorrow night)

But in all reality I am going to enjoy the last few minutes of Survivor, then put the kids to bed, and use my coffee buzz to get Spaghetti’s clothes and food prepared for tomorrows work day.

So there is a list of want to do’s, but my list of need to do’s always gets in the way.

Needs…

Put the kids to bed (25 minutes)

Pick up the front living room (20 minutes)

Unload, load dishwasher. Wash pans (20 minutes)

Iron Ed’s clothes, prep food (20 minutes)

Finish this post (who knows)

Wants…

Art room (HOURS)

Clean fluffy fuzzies from fans (5 minutes per fan times 6 fans)

Fold the LOADS, and LOADS of laundry cluttering my bedroom (as in 8+ loads) (HOURS)

Vacuum the dog hair covered basement stairs (10 minutes)

Sweep the basement t.v. room and art room (15 minutes)

AND BLOG on what my decision is for going FB public…

Oh I could go on and on with this list, going into “The List of Never Ending Projects”  (NEP List)and that is a WHOLE nother ball game.

Right so before my “magic drink” of choice wears off, I will use my coffe buzz to do my “Needs” list, and hope for a 30 minute buzz where I can put a bit more effort into something off the NEP list.

Who am I kidding. I’m just hoping to get the basics done.

FeIsTy

Opinions Wanted.

"Opinions are like assholes. Everybody's got one and everyone thinks everyone else's stinks." ~Home For the Holidays 1995

If you’ve never seen THE best Holiday movie out there, for gods sake go rent ‘Home for the Holidays’ my favorite, Robert Downey Jr. is in it, along with Claire Danes, Holly Hunter, Dylan McDermott amongst others!

Anyway your opinions… I want them. Especially here. This is blogger related.

Question of the hour is…

Do I go public?

Right so I am public. BUT do I tell everyone on Facebook about you? I mean I love opinions, I love to have conversations, I love to read other point of views. BUT I don’t want to censor myself. I never have, and I never will.

This being said do I just go forward, share my blog with everyone I know, enjoy the opinions, skip over the trolls, and relish in the publicity?

I once had a blog, I used real names, real stories, and someone got mad. To the point of trolling me constantly so I was forced by bullying to shut down and start anew blog. This one.

But I’ve grown, and I can handle trolls, and bullies. I ignore them. Move on, delete them. What do you think?

Stay with the opinions of just my blogosphere friends I’ve made? Or open myself to EVERYONE?

Thanks

Feisty.

Baby Steps update

Oh how the world of Facebook has stolen me away from my beloved Blogger. Quick witty one lined posts for my 214 friends is SO much easier, and I get comments. OH GLORIOUS comments, ALL the time!

So of coarse posting to FB is my new norm. Sadly it doesn’t let me go on and on like I do, only 420 characters please. And Twitter? Sure it’s fun, and I love to stalk celebrities on it, but that is only 140 characters!

I last told you I was in a baby steps mode. And so I am.

I am trying to find balance, more so in NOT diving into 7 hours of cleaning one room, but to clean the house, pick up, do laundry, AND then if I have time, work in a room or a hotspot but it seems that the clutter is working faster then I can carve time for.

Could be the art room breaks, the Facebook time, the play time with my children. Yes my life is so full of personal distractions, and when I do get all gun ho on becoming a cleaning demon… Spaghetti asks me to put in a movie and chill with him.

I for one, REFUSE to say “no honey I have housework to do. you and me time must wait”

Oh and if your wondering about the baby steps for eating well. Well lets say I quit the sugar in my coffee. HUGE baby step. HUGE. I was using 4 table spoons of sugar a day in my coffee. I’m still a Starbucks whore, but using a not so bold coffee, makes drinking it black easier.

I eat less carbs, more fruit, veggies, eggs, blah blah blah. Still not working out, but you would think the clutter hurdles I do daily would drop a few pounds.

I have a VERY strong urge to work out. Just need to pencil in some time, and make a space big enough for me and my yoga mat, and ball.

So I’m baby stepping, I’m thinking so major over haul is needed with this clutter fuck of a house. I’m getting twitchy over it all. Clothes, paper, and toys please disappear!!

Baby Steps

I’ve realize again and again ‘Baby Steps’ is the key to my life.

Being a professional procrastinator, is something I’ve grown to be proud of. Call me silly, but when you are what you are you learn to embrace it. And being a person who can procrastinate to the point of HOURS before a due date, when the project should have taken DAYS, and it turns out all RoCk $tAr anyway. One becomes a professional. And a proud one at that.

BUT with all things procrastinating you also learn that instead of steps, or the right process it’s more of a doitallrightnow kinda process. Which for me works 9 times out of 10.

And I’ve always been cool under pressure. Stamp Camp projects due today? No problem. 16 Swaps for a meeting due in 6 hours? Sure. Running SO close to being late? I’ll make it up on the highway.

But in my life I am realizing that works for a short period of time. I’m learning I am a much better and balanced person if I take baby steps.

Now you can not just take a procrastinator like myself and just toss me into some well balanced schedule. I will revolt and RUN back to my old ways.

This is a process that I call baby steps. For everything I do. I need baby steps. I need to do this not only for me but for my home, and my family. As proud as I may have become of my procrastination skills, I have realized I don’t want my children to do as I do.

So now before school we set out Bagel’s clothes, my clothes, and Weaky’s clothes (he goes with) so far a month in and no late days, no close calls. We actually run pretty smooth in the morning!

Laundry is a new one. So if your an avid reader of mine, I do believe I’ve done about 74 post on how much I HATE it. SO again with the baby steps. That may sound silly to you, but I need. NEED to tell myself that baby steps will get me there. Waiting two weeks till EVERYONE is out of ALL clothes and we I have 8 baskets to put away. This is better.

It’s a mental thing with me. I seriously need to mind fuck myself into thinking that this is the ONLY way to do things.

On THAT note, I have found a new “thing” to add to my baby steps process.

Get ready…

Exercise.

YEP. Exercise and eating well. B.A.B.Y. steps. LITTLE baby. Like preme baby steps. I need to SLOWLY get into a habit of NO drive thru. Of NO late night snacks. Of NO lame excuses to work out.

And where did I find my motivation for working out you ask? Sure anyone can be motivated to do laundry, hence consequence of being naked or dirty. Motivated to be on time for school so I’m not “that” mom. But diet and exercise?

I found a new magazine, by Oxygen. “Off the Couch” there are a lot of before and after women, lots of motivation. Now I can read health magazines, day dream about the day when I was told I was too skinny, till I turn blue. I just needed that one article, that one clip of information to really just motivate me.

Was it Tosca Reno who said “I ask myself what my life would be like if I continued to sit on the couch, not bothering to train; that scares me into action real fast”

Or the fact that most people that wrote in brought up the fact that they don’t have the money for a gym membership, or equipment. Most said they have what I have. A ball, resistance band, small weights, and a yoga mat.

Or how I should take the FARTHEST parking spot at the stores. Or tell myself POSITIVE things. So instead of the nagging I have 30+ pounds to loose by the Holiday’s. HA! I should say I only have 2 pounds to loose this week!

But there is a section on page 41. They call it IMI.

Incentive. Motivation. In Control.

Incentive talked about finding that one person that really inspires you. For me it’s been my friends. The fact that SO many have lost weight, are running 5K’s (I swear this weekend at least 5 of my Facebook friends commented on running!) dropping weight and looking great.

I want to be right there with them.

Motivation.

This is where they go into baby steps. Like keeping a chart of your inches lost, take a photo each month, Set dates for goals. And have a support system.

But it was under the In Control section that the light bulb went on. This is what I read to motivate me…

“When your finished reading this article, I want you to grab your gym bag, head to the car, and drive to the gym. Do it, don’t even thing about why you can’t; that will only stop you.”

Get it? JUST GO. Right now. Well my right now was over a big fat pizza, and it was late. SO I psyched myself up and woke up at 6:45 this morning. And worked out.

I only did 20 minutes. I thought I was going to die. I am SO out of shape it’s a joke. BUT. I can do this in baby steps. I will not wait till I am SO over weight I start to hate myself.

I want me back. So baby steps. No big killer motivational speech here. Just baby steps.

Right now I want to see if I can make it a whole day with out cheating on this plan… oh and if your wondering about my diet. I’m going to try Spaghetti’s 2 hour diet.

Every 2 hours he eats smaller little snack like meals. It’s worked for him. He’s always eating, and it’s always healthy so if we add in a work out maybe by next summer I will be hawt again. But lets make it through the day ok?

FeIsTy.

xo…