Marriage as I know it.

As I sit at my laptop, between my children's bedrooms, and my husband sits two floors down watching Family Guy on full blast. (I know this because I can hear it two floors up!)

Someone recently sent a note on facebook, asking only particular friends on the topic of Marriage? Hmmm... basics from my situation. Married June 16th, 2001. 3,432 days. (roughly) I was 22 (turning 23 in 33 days) And he was 25. I thought I was wise, and knew what I wanted.

Backing up the story a bit, dating life for me consisted of one short term boyfriend in H.S. (4 months) and then my next boyfriend was almost 5 years. I left him because I met Spaghetti.

This boyfriend I thought I would marry, and live happily ever after with. Said boyfriend was good to me. Polite, generous, and loving. BUT to many times he wanted me to be MORE preppy, and I started to hear "I don't want to hear your stories about your friends. They are NOT my friends" and "Don't be weird. Just be normal. Please?"

The fact that I was asked to change my looks, stop talking about my friends, and to not be me was too much for me to deal with. Plus he always needed "space" for a week at a time, every few months to 'think' about us.

I met Spaghetti working at the Casino. We worked nights together. He said he first saw me at a morning meeting (I was fresh off a grave shift and bitchy as ever) he said he was rude and stared at me most of the meeting because I was so beautiful. I vaguely remember a guy across from me.

Night shifts were insane, funny, and some of the best job memories ever. After night shift, Ed would invite me to breakfast at Sarah's Place. It became a weekly thing. Breakfast was 2 hours, 6 hours and once an 8 hour day sitting in a booth. Talking.

We laughed, told stories, did the 'what if's' on just about everything in life. I was quickly falling in love with him, and out of love with my boyfriend at the time.

I knew I had to end it with my boyfriend. The one I was sure was going to ask me to marry him in a few months (by rumors) I didn't want to NOT give Spaghetti a chance.

Spaghetti was NOT pushy in wanting to date me, I actually asked him out. That was May 29th 1999. We were engaged on October 29th 1999. And married June 16th 2001. 

(Spaghetti and myself center, with the groomsmen of our wedding)

We set rules to our marriage.

1. NEVER. GROW UP. (only to do bill paying and house stuff we HAVE to make grow up decisions for. Otherwise, we enjoy life, as kids)

2. NEVER bring up the past. (it's simple. Don't toss in crap from 6 months ago if it's not relevant to the argument. Seems obvious but it was a quick way to squash having those arguments. Issue? Deal with it NOW)

3. DO NOT Guilt Trip. (It's petty and pretty sure we will SO not do it now with a guilt trip in tow)

4. We TALK when arguing. (we TRY, and try is a strong one, to NOT yell when arguing. Talking makes more sense. I see it as I won't listen to my kids when they whine, so we won't listen when the other yells)

5. Family First. (easy one. I assume most families work this way. We never put friends, jobs, or extended family before the needs of our family of 4)

Those are what we work with. We also said that since we were getting married so young, that we wanted to wait at least 5 years before having kids. WOW those 5 years FLEW by.

But when I was let go from work, it only seemed to make sense to start to make the babies! That was summer 2005. Had a girl in spring of 2006, then my boy in spring of 2008.

Family of 4. Married. Happily ever after? Sure. Looks like it from the outside. To be honest we as a married couple are great.

We discuss money, child care, family, and still 'what if's' of life. My postpartum from kids 22 months apart, set me in a whirlwind of emotional break downs and shutting everyone out around me. Except Ed, but when he was working 3 jobs, it was pretty lonely out there. (during this time he worked nights from 930pm till 630 am, then a day job part time, 20 hour a week, 9am till 2 pm, and on those off days he was at Wrigley vending. Which is a hour drive, having to be there hours before gates open, and then the hours of Chicago traffic to come home around 8 pm to go back to work at 930)

I was lonely. He was exhausted.

Finally this past spring I came out of my funk. Almost 4 years of being in a BAD mood, a SAD mood, a I’M FREAKING OUT mood. We had a hard time during the postpartum because he was exhausted from work, and I was exhausted from 24/7 child care. He didn't get that a hug and a pat on the back, maybe even a nice note would make my life easier.

One Christmas when we were SUPER broke, he gave me my one Christmas wish. A love letter. No joke it was 6 pages long. I have it in my art room, and read it often.

He wrote about how he didn't understand what I was going through, but we would get through it. That note helped a lot.

We are at a point, at current date, that we are doing good. Money is SUPER tight, and so that makes things hard with two little ones. But we pay the bills, and enjoy the days off we have together doing as much free as we can.

Baby steps. Take it one day at a time, I try to remember this is my life, and I chose him to take this ride of life with me.

My advice to anyone who wants it? Don't take life seriously. No one gets out alive anyway. I have lived mine by a simple rule.

I must be happy. I.

Think of when you ride an airplane and they say put your mask on before helping other around you. That’s like my motto.

Sure I make sacrifices with having children, and the lack of money makes it hard to make that 'happy' a Caribbean lifestyle we all want, BUT in all seriousness, take care of you. Take care of your little people, and if you can find someone to enjoy that ride with you. Awesome.

BUT don't make SO many sacrifices that you aren't even living YOUR life. Be Happy, and the rest just seems to fall into place. But it's finding that "happy" that is the hard part.

I wanted to share this with you all. It’s our way of life, and it works. I’m just happy someone has put up with my constant rambling, my unconventional ways, my random moods, and my perky morning self, who only wants to be happy.

I just wish one thing for all of my friends. To be able to find the happy that I have.

FeIsTy