Janina Gavankar - Love Lockdown

This amazing girl is not only rocking in this video, if it sounds familiar it's a awesome version of Kanye West's Love Lockdown.

Want to see more of her, be sure to check her out, her as in Janina Gavankar, on the new show on ABC called the Gate. Premiere's tomorrow!! (the 20th at 9 central time) She is one of the officers of the subdivision.

Watch the L Word? She's Papi!

Want to know why I'm so excited about this upcoming kick ass singer and actress?

Went to High School with her. We were never in classes together, she's a year younger then me, and our conection. The school musicals.

Yes scary I was casted, I was an extra amongst the 100 others. Janina however was front and center, and I was always SO proud to hear my friends and cast members sing their hearts out. I only lipsynced most of the songs. I loved the stage, and that all my friends were into the Musicals more then the drama.

Enough about me. Be sure to check this girl out. I am SUPER stoked about her new video, HOPE to see it on MTV soon... wait they would have to play video's huh? Anyway, here's to you Janina. Your a rock star.

Feisty

(also known as the Dancing Banana in "Once On This Island")

And if you fall in love with who she is, and want to be a fan, be sure to search her on Twitter, Facebook, Youtube...

Peek-a-boo. From the insides of a purse

Alright SO here's my coffee buzz induced post. Enjoy wankers.

Let's talk about the picture first. Well because I'm sure your dying to know what form of crack I take to do the weird shit I do. That my dear friends is postpost partum, random coffee buzz, the fact that I was happy creating, and well who isn't a bit crazy to paint a WHOLE room purple accented with lime green!

See Art Room behind me! I do need to post some awesome shots of it too. Oh and the leapord head wrap? A rag bag purse I was working on, so before I sewed in the bottom I saw a photo op there.

Right. Moving on.

Blogger, has some new fun layouts (FINALLY) and since I like to change things constantly (I rearrange my living room monthly) I am thinking the old "Insanity at it's best" is great, and I love my 8crazy designs layout. BUT I love change

And since my layout I have changed blogs (once was Insanity at it's best, but because of shitty cousin's baby whore mommy trolling my site, and fucking with me. We had to reinvent so was the birth of "Spaghetti and Bagels" and all the secret names)

So what do you think, new look?

Next subject.

I think I need to trim my fingernails again. Seriously. Technology is not liking long nails! I can't text on my phone because of my nails, and I can't seem to type as fast on my new laptop either, it's like the keyboard is super thin and.... yes. I said NEW. LAP. TOP.

Shut the front door, people I got one. I have been asking for only Best B^y gift cards, and with them and my MIL who bought the rest (thankyouverymuch again) I got me a Toshiba. On clearence for newer Toshiba's.

Either way I am big pimpin' with my Window's 7 (old was XP) and it's amazing that I was able to check my email and all the websites I visit in 15 minutes. I mean with my old (9 years old with one overhaul) CPU I could bring up my email in15 minutes.

So today I wake up to see my pretty laptop, I was up super late setting it up, and enjoying a nice speedy web. And I was done SO fast. That may be bad because now I could do more house work. Hmrph. Maybe the MIL buying 1/2 a laptop was a hint I needed to clean more?

I do need to get me some wireless. I have the cable that went to the modem right to the laptop. I would LOVE to carry it around with me, or go to Starbux with it. OMG. I can't wait. But till then I enjoy having a computer that dosen't suck.

Alright, I'm off to blog surf. I do have some making up to do! Happy Thursday!

Feisty

Sqeals of Happy @ 17 secondds

I've been rather distant from you blogger. I love you so, but here's a great reason why I am away.

Chicago skyline + Beach + happy kids + sunshine = sqeals of happy from Weaky @ :17 seconds, and a too cute Bagel. Priceless moment.

Feisty

9 years ago. Yesterday

Hey you.

Yeah you there with the cute kids.

You work so much, I don't even have a recent picture of just you.

About 1298 picture of our kids though.

So I miss you. And I can't wait till the Chicago Cubs go out of town.

I love you. Miss you.

Oh and Happy 9 year Annivesary (yesterday)

June 16th 2001

"This day I will marry my friend

the one I laugh with, live for,

dream with, love"

Thanks for askin' Spaghetti.

Love you.

Feisty.

xoxo...

It's been 49 years. Yes we deserved it.

49 years ago Stanley lived in Chicago. This year, this day, just a little while ago. In over time, the score 3-3, at 4:06 into overtime, Kane, known as Kaner, hits a shot.

(BTW, this is a lovely shot of Kane I took when he was at the Chicago Auto Show, in 2009, he was signing autographs and taking pictures with fans. I'm so super duper fly, that I just walked up along the side, and snapped this shot. I am the Momarazzi of the family! Can't remember who the guy is next to him, another player? Either way curly hair blonde boy is our Kaner)

He celebrates as if he won the Stanley Cup... but the ref's don't call it yet... did it go in? Spaghetti and I stand arms in the air, just waiting... waiting for the final call to make it official...

It's official, the puck went over the line!! The Chicago Blackhawks win the Stanley Cup!! Tears ran down my face and I cheered. I was SO happy. As a Chicago fan of all our teams, right up their with the Chicago Bears this is my team. And it's been a LONG time. (Don't get me wrong, I love the Chicago Bulls, I even tried out to be a Chicago Luvable Cheerleader, obviously didn't make it. I love my Chicago Cubs, and what the hell the White Sox too)

We had a bit of a "curse" on our team, or so they thought. They were calling it the "Hossa Curse" this was his 3rd trip to the Stanley Cup finals and we were hoping he wouldn't stop us

Nope. He didn't. He helped us rock the Flyers, and school them on hockey should be played. I have to give a shout out to my favorite players, Kane, Toews (MVP!!) and if I get a jersey I need to fit all this on there...

Byfuglien

He's the biggest guy out there, at 250 lbs, and he was boo'ed the most when he skated with the Stanley Cup, not to mention he is the rival of Donger (Pronger is his real name, we Chicago fans renamed him) the Flyers main guy. Wah, wah, waaaahhh. I do believe that is the jersey I would want to wear!!

Oh and props to the Blackhawk player who lost all his front teeth this season... not hot, but way to go all out for your team!! And from a very proud fan. I thank you Chicago. Congrats!!

CONGRATS TO THE  CHICAGO BLACKHAWKS ON WINNING THE STANLEY CUP!!

Let's get skinny. Egg style

So call me batshit retarded,  or just weird. But I may have found the way to get me to drop some of this weight.

Eggs.

I like eggs. Alot. I may not after this idea though.

So I start my day with two little breakfast burritos I make. Super nummy. I have my coffee. Rest of the day I drink water.

Then for lunch I eat a sandwich, or tuna. Something light but filling enough.

Dinner has been eggs, sunny side, scrambled... anyway it's just eggs.

Maybe chicken on the side, and veggies and fruit are always allowed. I eat nuts too.

So call me bizarre but it's working. It's been 5 days, and I went from 140.5 to 137.5. Sure we will see how this pans out. But I love eggs, and well... this is kinda dumb, but I am slightly desperate here, and Spaghetti keeps talking about vacationing with his Cuz and Banjo, who are very fit, and attractive couple, compared to us, well lets just say it's a motivation.

I'm sure an only egg diet isn't great for me, but for now, it needs to be. Don't worry, it probably won't last. If you've been following my dieting for the last 6 months you will know I fall of the ol' diet wagon quite easily. Sometimes I don't even get on. Fuck it.

So let's try this for a bit. Eggs. But when I start to bawk. Be affraid.

Depression was real. I just didn't see it.

Once upon a time I was happy, SO happy that I was nicknamed Smiley, Happy, and Crazy Girl. I was known for being "High On Life" (my mom taught me that one) and I was always energetic.

I married Spaghetti, in June of 2001, and that is who he fell in love with. The over happy, always optomistic, glass half full girl.

And I stayed happy, and smiley, and energetic from July 19th, 1978 until October 2005. After 27 years of smiles and giggles I was sad, tired, and well pregnant.

Being pregnant with Bagel I read everything there was on babies, being a mom and the life changing events that go with. I even read on this "Postpartum" thing, I didn't think I would get it but I skimed over the stories, comments, thoughts, and get help numbers in the books and magazines.

I had Bagel and even though Spaghetti took time off work, the one week he took, only lasted the 4 days in the hospital, and then a few days at home, and then I was left with her. The baby. I was fine. I had her natural (natural as in vajaja style, not as in no epidural style. Smoke more crack if you think I was going that route. HA!) so I tore from hole A. to hole B. it took doc 23 minutes to sew me up and the pain meds wore off. AND yes I felt ALL 4 pain shots she gave me in the non existing taint to numb before she sewed me back together, anyway you get the point, epidural great for child birth. afterwards not so great, the whole stitches in your nether regions.

 Let's just say I was in pain and SO glad they don't MAKE you poop before you leave the hospital, anymore. It took me 2 more days after she came home to drop a duce. I was scared to pop a stitch. You get where I'm going? Pain. Meds. Baby. DH back to work in what seemed like only hours since Bagel had been born.

Spaghetti worked grave yard at his full time job. He would leave the house at 9:30 pm and be home around 6:30 am, he then would sleep what he could but if he had to open the video store at 9:00 am till mid afternoon, and then sleep again till he worked nights. Again. The sick cycle of that work shift was from April till October he also works at Wrigley Field, yes Chicago Cubs. He's a beer vendor, and that was on days he wasn't at the video store, and could work before grave yard shift started. Needless to say, he was one tired mother fucker.

So there's me. And this baby girl. I had it togther. And I knew that I had to because Spaghetti was working. At times I felt like a single mom (even though I give props to them. BY far. Trying to bring in income, AND raise kids. AND some are going to school? Applause.) I did everything with her, and for her. I often remember telling peopel, even Spaghetti at times "I don't need anyone, I can do it by myself" I didn't want help, or his Aunts to get me videos on postpartum shit. GAH! I was fine on my own. I had this.

The summer passed, and that fall I think I officially went nuts, and in the events of one to many CIO sessions, I dyed my platnium blonde hair.

Jet Black. More like "Chocolate Velvet" was the box name for it.

Yes. Black.

I rocked it. And when people asked why. I said because children make you do crazy ballsy things.

Fast forward to Bagel at 14 months. Bam. Pregnant with Weaky.

I wanted it this way, and lucky that I got it that way. I wanted kids close in age. Two was the amount of children, and I wanted them close. Not like 12 months close, but close so I wasn't pregnant for a decade.

When I was pregnant with Weaky, I remember Aerial and Spaghetti commenting on how they don't even remember me NOT being pregnant between kids. Honestly? Me neither.

Still with me?

Let's recap just cuz I still got a LOT of shit to say.

There's me. Crazy lady (oh and note, my hair is back to blonde by the time Weaky came around. LOTS of dying. LOTS)

There's also the unmentioned, but if you know me and my family I have 4 other children. They are covered in fur. Maggie and Sophie, our Boxers

And then my two cats, Jordan and Chloe,

So note that I am a glutton for punishment with all the pet hair, barfing, and pissing around the house. Let's just add human babies to it.

Right so then we have sleeping Spaghetti still working 3 jobs...

And now we have Weaky.

So now I have my hands full

Two under two was pure crazy.

So crazy that I went from blonde. to black. to blonde to this...

(yes it's a mohawk, and the pillowcase shirt isn't because of crazies, but because I was in need of NKOTB wear for the concert, and that was what I had. And so I made a shirt of it)

It's gotten better. But for A LONG time it wasn't good.

I was sure I had post partum but confused at how severe mine was.

I found letters that I had written to Spaghetti when I was crazy, yes I had to write my husband letteres because the time we had together was never enough for me to babble two pages of random jibberish to him.

So I wanted to share them with you.

Seriously this is big. Because one of the first things I say in the note is that I didn't want to blog it, becuase it would freak people out. Now that I'm better. Or in a better place, I feel I can share this with you...

So Bagel and I are sitting @ breakfast I thought I would write you whats in my head. I would blog on it, but I don't want to freak people out.

I miss you. I know you miss me. I know we need the money, so that is why you work so much.

RIght now the only thing that makes me un-sad is you. I get angry at you because your not here, but I know you do it because you love us, and to support us. But I still get angry because I want you around more.

I know family and friends want to help us but right now, I don't want any help from anyone but you. As crazy as it sounds to deny help. In my head right now you and me are what can help me.

I need alot of positive thoughts. I know you hate when I say "tell me something" line, but I think that will be the best thing to get me through rough days. I hope this goes away soon.

I want to be mentally ok, I am trying myself, but there are moments I just litterly lose my mind. I can not be sad. I can not get angry. These are when I need you. When I just cry for no reason. I need you. When I am angry please don't walk away, this is when I need a hug most.

This may be a selfish note. But at this stage of me, with my moods up and down so much, much that I can't control. I need to let you know what I need and what we can do together to make me better.

So fi you think I need it or not, I probably need a hug, or an "I love you" or just a comment on what you love about me.

Physically I am heling fast. My back and my stitches get sore still, but I am glad to be just on Alieve for pain.

But mentally I am not good. I am afraid when I cry or get angry or sad. I can't control them. I can't stop them. I want to, but it's just something that takes over me. And right now you seem to be my cure.

I hope this note helps you understand what we both don't.

I need you, I am trying to be storng, it's so hard and when the whole house is going at once (Bagel screaming, Weaky crying, dogs barking) It just pushes me to the crazy point of just pure ANGER or depression. It's like a sadness washes over me, and I can't function.

I won't ever hurt Weaky, Mia or the fuzzies. Ever.

I may seem crazy upset, butthe worst thing that I do is just put them down, and remove myself from the situation.

I don't think I could hurt myself, I'm not a big fan of pain. I just... I don't know... I guess I am done rambling.

I hope you can help me. I am not sure what else could. I need you Spaghetti, more then ever. I need you. Alot.

If you could please look in my eyes and tell me with out speaking you love me.

And please don't tell anyone about me being like this. I am not porud of this "me" And I am serious about al this... I do need help. Thanks.

Love you, Feisty.

This  note was written about a year ago. I stayed crazy, or in that sad mode of depression and shut down. Until the fall. I really started to get out of it. And just as recent as Weaky's 2nd birthday, April 25th, I finally felt normal. Sure if you were family, or a friend. I hid it well. I think it's a fantastic trait I learned from being a super multitasking mom, just toss it in with my skills.

Like the baby years were done. All done. Now onto talking, and independance. Sure I've still got diapers, but it's getting better. I feel like my head has been cleared, and I am more "me" again.

Oh and Spaghetti's reaction to my note? He tried. But after our talk today I realized he just thought I was stressed about the whole, everything. And that I was just having a lot of bad days. I guess 4 years worth of bad days is obvious to some, and not to others. (said others were busy working 70 hour weeks)

If you don't know how I feel about kids, check out this post on my dislike for children.

And this post covers me durring postpartum

So that brings us to the current day. Note I did have a freak out moment, cause of to much of Spaghetti at work, to much whiney kids, and so I just covered my ears, and ran to my art room. I told Spaghetti to sit with the kids and give me 20 minutes to calm down. It took me 14 minutes to calm myself, and go back to my kids, which is great it before it would take me up to a hour.

But since then. I'm fine. I talked with Spaghetti today, and we discussed my crazy postpartum. The only thing I asked him was this

"Do you believe I had postpartum depression?" I asked. He looked at me, and as the tears ran down my face he said "Yes" I NEEDED him to say that. And he said he thought I was "Stressed alot" and he was scared I would never get out of it, and be me again.

I told him so was I.

Reading my notes, well it's an eye opener. That they weren't kidding in the brochures that you should call them if you have any signs of depression. I had more of a "Super Mom" complex going on. I didn't need help. But secretly I did but from ONLY Spaghetti.

I did blog once on it. I think I freaked some people out with it though. And I must say I am very glad that my children won't remember their insane mommy. Just the silly carefree mommy, that still yells, and is the bad guy around here. But not is a creepy sad mommy way.

But I feel better now. Don't get me wrong, the crazy children are still here, and so are ALL the fuzzy pets. But I've got a better hold on everything. Down to planning meals, doing laundry, and attempting to just be me. It's like I had a fog of sadness over me, and now the fog is gone. My head is clearer, and I can see outside of my crazy 4 walls.

If you did read all this, please just leave me a comment. I need them.

How to Comment. FB or Blogger style.

Dear Blogsphere family. I'm sorry. I've missed you. It's been too long since my last post and I am ashamed to say when my last comment was. Thanks to Dual Mom for still reading and commenting (thanks to the lurkers too, it's still creapy people. Comment so I have believe that your still here. Kinda like roll call?)

Anyway my excuses for not blogging are...

and...

so with some liquad happy...

I write you this...

Let's talk about my other internet site I love porn. Facebook. It's great. Wonderful. Fantastic. It's brought me to tears over the people I have reconnected with on it. Love it.

Most people say I am one of the most amusing FBer's they read, and I often make their days with my witty comments. I don't so much see witty, I just see smartassness on my daily rants about being trapped a SAHM with a 4 and 2 year old. It's bound to be funny, cute or gross.

But I have a complaint. Maybe I have been trained by blogger to well, or maybe I've just got way more to say then everyone else. My issue is not when people put their "what's on your mind" status, that's fine put what you want.

It's the comments.

Like when you see someone with Birthday wishes... I almost don't want to say "Happy Birthday" with everyone else knowing my email will get loaded with everyone they know saying "Happy Birthday!!" I also don't like when people point out the obvious.

Like if you say you fell down the stairs. And you have responses like... "Ouch" or "That hurt huh?" or my favorite when they have nothing to say "LOL" save your fingers and keep it to yourself.

Don't get me wrong I like to leave comments but I try to make them worthwhile to both me and the readers. Maybe it's just me. But same goes for blogger. When people leave comments just to leave comments, it's stupid. It doesn't count in my book. It needs to be personal. Kinda like your trying?

So with me and Blogger, I won't comment unless I've got something to say, and I won't read blogs unless I have the time to really comment. That's why we blog. Or at least I like to blog to get comments. It's like reasurance that someone out there still reads you. Or your not just being stalked by readers. (creepy I tell you)

Alright I am off my rambly post on FB commenting, but to end this and leave you with something of worth, be sure to check out the book

"If you give a mom a martini..." is a great little book with 100 ways to find 10 blissful minutes for yourself, lots of great ideas, and many of them I do. One of my favorite ideas to do is "Get your pregame on" and I do just that, I get up before the kids. Around my house I can, my babies are wonderful and sleep till 8 or 9 so I get up at 7, get my coffee, and read my email. Sometimes I have my iPod in, and breakfast done before the kids. So I am up and ready to go.

I also like that it's not a story, each page is a new idea, since I don't have many freebee minutes to myself it works. Alright I need to end this post and go blog surfing. Comment my ass off and tell my bloggy friends I still love them. Until then, LEAVE ME COMMENTS YOU WANKERS!!

Empowered by the moo moo

So I've debated and gone back and forth on even posting about this, but hey this is blogger and I don't hold back. So please hold all comments, and fits of finger pointing crying hysteria laughter till the end of my post. Thankyouverymuch.

So I've got a moo moo.

(muffled giggles?)

No really I do. Thanks to my mom the Queen. She was SUPER excited about it, and was like "OMG! If it was in my size I would have SO kept it! I bought it for you at a garage sale, washed it up and it's like new!!"

Me "Thanks... mom... no really, I'll try it. (scrunch up face of disgust) I guess I could wear it around the house"

So I've had it for about a week, then yesterday I tried it on. OH the comments from Spaghetti were priceless. I think the look on his face was better. It was that of sheer horror and trying not to laugh out loud.

Bagel said "Nice dress Mom. You could stick lots of things in those pockets"

Alright I was just trying it on for the night. I had worked hard cleaning Weaky's attic space and his room all day. And thought it would be nice to curl up on the couch to watch the Survivor Finale in it.

Oh so let me tell you what it looks like... because I know that will change your outlook on it right? Anyway it's light green with dark blue flowers... still sounds ugly, but my favorite part is it's short. Knee length, light weight, and has big pockets on the front. Zips down the front (not all the way though)

Spaghetti also had lots of dirty comments too, about the easy access with it being a little dress. Figures. Penis people.

So I wanted to Google you all an image of a moo moo (not that you haven't had the image burned into your brains by older generations)

Mind you mine is NOT the Turquoise delight as above. Nor do I have big puffly sleeves, but I do rock my good pearls with mine... kidding... kidding. I still haven't figured WHY you would want it to have easy back entrance like the advertised for this one... I just might be dirty but sounds a bit to inviting to me...

I did find this one on People magazines website. Because this is the one that Angelina Jolie wore for their cover. Pretty...

Alright but mine looks like neither of them. I have short sleeves, and mine is still shorter then this one...

AHH HA!!

There you go folks, I know you were dying to know what it looked like. So it's more like a "robe" or "nightwear" either way I took mine off (hmm, maybe Spaghetti was right bout the easy access?) and read the tag to google the brand, Karen Neuburger is the designer, and her site says it's "Quite possibly the most comfortable nightwear out there" I wouldn't sleep in it, but it's fun to wear around the house.

Alright so Spaghetti laughed when I told him this, BUT I swear all I want to do is clean and organize house when I wear it.

Your laughing aren't you?

It's like my uniform. I want to clean when I wear it.

Which ever, he should be happy I found a cleaning outfit, and I seriously am motivate by it. And I swear to gawd I will NEVER wear it outside my house. EVER.

Not to check the mail.

Not to bring in the garbage cans.

Not to go out onto the deck.

Not to answer the door.

Not kidding.

I will hop into it to clean and work, then hop out when I am done working... let's see if it works...

~~~~~~~~

Random things I need to tell you...

I do love my Starbucks in a can. The Mocha is great, Rockstar also makes them and they are awesome. Great pick me up. I love to pour it over ice and keep it in my starbucks straw cup (if you don't have one of these RUN to the nearest Starbucks because they go fast each spring I love them. Insulated, and the top screws on. Go now!!) They are about $14.99 (for the 20 oz) if you don't get one they go for about $40 on ebay. (not kidding)

AND... I have been holding back because well I was trying, then not and then again. BUT I have lost 2 lbs. I am from 141.5 to 139.5. It's not much and it's been a week. And I don't want to make a big deal out of it, because I fear I will jump off my wagon. Again.

I am feeling quite posty lately. Now I just need to start my commenting again. I miss you all!

Hugs and belly rubs... oh wait that's for the dogs... hugs and muah's!

Never enough...

There is never enough of this...

or this...

to deal with this...

I am seriously being burried alive by toy hell.

McDonalds isn't making my kids fat, it's overloading my house with toys.

Not to mention my MIL's only love in life at the moment is buying toys for my children.

My mother LOVES garage sales, but sees that we wade knee deep to answer our front door, and has graciously slowed the toy buying.

I feel that the kids will not appreciate gifts if they keep getting spoiled like this.

I am on SERIOUS purge mode right now.

I LOVE toys, always did.

I get what they mean to a kid. That is their job. That is their best friend.

BUT we have SO much shit, we don't know what toy to play with next, and we littlerly have floors covered in them.

Enough.

I can't clean a house if all I do is shove toys back and forth.

So here's my newest delema. Beside the fact that I am eyeball deep (yes we went from knee deep to eyeball deep, note I am an exagerater. Accept it, do the math, instead of eyeball, or knee deep its more like shin deep, but for stories sake and my love for babbling, I need to tell you this. This way)

So back to eyeball deep in toys, I have an almost 4 year old who LOVES her toys, sleeps in a big girl bed, and is just like her mother and every other kid, who has toys EVERYWHERE in her room. Doesn't help that her room is huge, so more space to put all this shit. and more space to spread it all out.

Now Weaky is still in his crib, bonus. BUT I want to move him to big boy bed in the next 6 months or so, and so the room has to be somewhat 2 year old proof. So middle of the night he's not... well nevermind. You get my point.

I do have attic space that we use for the kids to store toys. It is packed with toys. Well I guess I answered my own question, I just need to donate, sell and have less in everyones rooms! Sigh... toy fairy come help me!!!