The lethargic nutso in a moo moo

I don't wanna do nuffin. Nope.

Arms crossed.

Pouty face.

Hmrph.


I am in just one of those moods.

Took a bath. Put on my moo moo night gown at 3:30 in the afternoon.


I have 6 loads to fold (yeah, I got the washing down, now I just need to coordinate the folding) 3 to wash.

I have dishes to do, a kitchen to clean, toys to pick up.

Scrapbooking I could do, oh and I haven't held a class in months (SO not like me)

I don't want to read, or draw, or do much of anything.


Sometimes I fear that my Postpartum was worst then people thought it was. I fear the mood swings I have is because of it.

I am happy go lucky but if one thing bugs me, or a kid even whines... it's all over. I cry I yell, I pull my hair...


I just get over stressed about stupid shit.


I have issues and I guess we will just write it off as nuts? Whatever, I feel bad for the kids and Spaghetti. It makes Weaky cry when I get upset, because I am loud and scary, Bagel is sadly getting used to it.


How do you explain to someone, without looking like a complete nut bag, that you just have moments where you just want to run away? But you want to take everyone with you? But then change your mind and just go by yourself? Maybe just a cat?


Sigh... hope you guys get me.


Speaking of going nutso, I am going to loose my tree if I don't leave the loft. The kids will NOT nap, and I can't handle it. Gatta go get lost in the basement...


Maybe I should pad my art room walls...


I am slowly going crazy 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 switch... crazy going slowly am I 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 switch... I am slowly going crazy...

Fingers in my ears, going "lalalalalala"

Weaky had his one year check up Monday.

He is 28 1/2 inches, great motor skills, his head is looking great with the help of the DOC band.

We had him creep across the room, and we notice that he drags his left leg, and only pushes with the right. He does not crawl, but he does cruise around his bed, and will walk with his Lion walker/rider.

He just started pointing to his mouth for "eat" and he is getting so much more interactive. He really loves his toys, and don't even touch his Gerber Cheetos!!

BUT he is just a wee guy at 16 lbs 12 oz.

Sigh...

Sure I am little, and Bagel was little too. He is right on his height. But it's that little weight that bugs Dr. B. and it bugs me too. I know, I know, I am only 5 feet tall but he is tiny. He can still wear 3-6 month clothes. The 9 month pants are just fitting him. (But Bagel wears 6 month shorts, her waist is SO tiny!)

Weaky got his shots, 3 of them, as most kids he was very angry, and sore. But like a trooper he took his Tylenol and a nap.

So yesterday right before I left for my fun night out, Dr. B called us at home. (I would have told the girls but I didn't want it to be a buzz kill on our Brit night. I figure you would all see it today) He is concerned about Weaky's weight. And wants us to do a count of ALL things he consumes. But in weight. Like a 9 oz banana, or 3.5 oz of baby food.

I have to do this for 3 days so Dr. B can get a calorie count.

Then Dr. B ordered for him to go up to Christ Hospital's children's Hospital "Children's Hope" to have his electrolytes checked, urine, and his blood count (again, just did this in January)

And for a Sweat Chloride test.

For Cystic Fibrosis.

He said the Cystic Fibrosis is because Weaky shows some signs of "failure to thrive" so we go Wednesday the 6th at 10 am. I don't know that much about CF, I do know a girl from Real World died from this (Frankie) and that is all I want to know for now.

Spaghetti is sick over this. And I am not happy, but I don't want to know more then I need to right now. I will let the Doctors test him, and go from there. My mind won't wrap around the fact that he could be sick, until he really is.

So please wish us well. I believe in my heart my Weaky is fine. Just a wee little guy, with a big sweet heart. I will keep you updated with more when I get it.

It's Britney Bitch!

Hooray! It's been a long 7 years since Spaghetti and I paid through the nose on ebay for Britney tix. But after a very long time waiting, my dear friend Mudd, her friend Kelly (both long time Brit Brit fans) and Aerial all went to see the beloved Miss Britney Spears.

As always her shows are non stop. YES I know she lip syncs the songs (all but one) but the dancing and the show is A. MAZ. ING!

We ate at Chilli's before the show, visited my Father-in-law who has a beer bar at the show, enjoyed the crazy dressed fans, and bought our $2 souvenir cups! (Mudd and I both bought Brit hats later that night)

The Pussycat Dolls (PCD) rocked the stage. I was SUPER excited to see them. I have been wanting to see them, and what better then opening for Brit!!

Waiting for Britney to start, there was tumbling act flying in the air, hoola hoopers, little people, stilt walkers, it was literly a Circus!! There was no intermission, but short breaks with just the dancers preforming. (you have to give the dancers mad kuddos. The were nonstop!)

It was a great show, I will go again when she comes back (I wish I had tickets for tonight's second show!) But it was SO much fun, and to know D Mudd peed her pants when Britney came on... well that just made it worth the show right there.

Mudd thank you again. For getting us the tickets, having an extra one so Aerial could go, and for having a kick ass camera.

I was home and in bed by 12:26 am, but when Spaghetti came pounding on the bedroom door at 8:15 am it was a wee bit early! (Queen and Carrots had the kids last night, and Spaghetti picked them up after his grave yard shift at 6 am) I am grateful that I had the night out. Thanks everyone.

Now it's time for some coffee... lots of it!

See you when the sun comes up

(Bagel is sleeping on Nikki & Loren's couch in Nashville, on our last night there)

Tonight it is crazy rain storming outside. And as a little girl I loved to open the window in the spring, and watch the rain fall.


I still do.


The last few nights I have enjoyed the rainfall from Bagel's room. After getting her ready for bed, we go to the window and watch the rain.

For about 10 minutes there is just us. The rain. And an exchange of smiles every so often.


We listen for the birds, the cars and to watch the clouds move.


Tonight instead of me tucking Bagel into bed, she wanted to stay up and to watch more rain. I said if she needed to go to bed, she could. Or just to let me know, and I would come and put her into bed.

I thought what a big girl!


I was out of her room for about 3 minutes, when she was crying. I went in to her telling me that it was scary with out me. I should close her window, and she needed to go to bed.


I promptly shut her window, not wanting to make her afraid of something we loved. Scooped her up with her green blankie, and off to bed.


After tucking her in, and a few rounds of Twinkle Twinkle, I always end the night with

"Are you Snug as a Bug in a Rug?"

Bagel will say "yes" or nod her curly blonde head of hair.

Then I follow with the next question of "When will I see you again?"

And Bagel will say "When the sun comes up, Mommy"


I love that. For all those times I have no patience's, or can't stand all the whining. I sit and I soak in these moments. The moments where she is just a sweet little girl.


Good Night my baby. I love you.

More then my life.

Mommy.
xo...

EAT CAKE! or wear it. Which ever...

Yesterday was Weaky's 1st Birthday. And so we threw him a party. Bout 40 or so family and friends came by.

There was nummy fried chicken, sloppy joes, potato and pasta salad, some fun jello desert for dinner. There was a big fun cake, and a smaller cake that seemed to be WAY more fun for the 1 little person that wore it.

There was a tent with tables and chairs, bean bag games, and the pool table was used, everyone was happy, and a good time was had by all.

Weaky enjoyed friends, dinner, cake, then he napped. So his loving sister stepped in and opened his presents for him. And after each gift she would loudly say "Happy Dirt Day to Weaky!"

Weaky woke just in time to play with his toys and enjoy time with his family again.

Then the wind blew cold... and started to pick up, the black clouds rolled in, and we all grabbed toys, chairs, tables and brought everything inside.

Just in time for the rain! But that was ok, we had a great day outside, and when we all came in and realize that it was almost 8:00pm!

Everyone chatted in the house for a bit longer, then headed out to there cars. Of coarse The Queen and Carrots, and Gramma and Grampa Mc were some of the last to leave.

But as always Mommies trusty bestest friend, who was the first one there, Aerial was the last to go at 9:30 pm.

It was a long, fun windy, sunny, rainy, cloudy, cold, hot, warm day. All that matters is this...

My little baby boy, didn't just eat his cake. He wore it and covered as much of him in it as he possibly could.

Happy 1st Birthday my little man. Love You.

365 days ago...

365 days ago this was me.
And I was in love with the idea of my perfect little baby boy coming into this world. (I was happily drugged for this picture)


After learning the hard way with Bagel, I realized I need not feel some of the pain to feel complete as giving birth to my child. As quickly as I was in pain this time, I was givin my epi. We started at 6:00 am, with tons of paper work, and some pitocin to start the day. We were on our way.


Around 3:30 pm I was dilated to 10 so they broke my water, and we started pushing at 3:35pm, and with some good iTunes going, (think Salt n Pepa's "Push it") it was only 36 minutes and at 4:06 pm, on April 25th you were born.


And here you are. Just 1 day old. Your light brown mohawk, and those little eyes... All 7 pounds, 10 oz, and 20 1/2 inches of you...



That little mohawk quickly became a lot of fuzzy hair! You were so tiny, and just the sweetest and most patient little boy I have met.
And even with the need to wear this DOC band 23/7 you are still a trooper. They said it would be days before you would adjust and it just took you hours. And you are SO good about it.

As you grow and learn new things, as you explore your world, and become the little person I hope for, I can't help but wonder...

What kind of a boy will you be? The sweet mamma's boy I want? A shy guy? A sporty guy like your dad? Maybe artsy like your mom?

What ever you are supposed to be. Whatever you will do in your life. Whatever your goals, and dreams will be. Just remember one thing...

I will ALWAYS be your number one fan.

I will ALWAYS be on your side.

I will ALWAYS be your best friend.

I will ALWAYS be your best girl.

I will love you more then there is sand in the sea or stars in the sky.

Alexander Edward. I love you more then you will ever understand.

There may be a day, when you have children of your own, and you love them so much that they just take over your whole heart, and your whole sense of being.

And you may think back to your parents, and think that you understand the love that they had for you. An unconditional love that nothing can break. No one can come between.

I try to understand how much Gigi and Papa love me. But I realize now that no matter how much I try, they will love me more then I could understand. I just assume its the same love I have for you.

I can't explain my love for you. I can't explain my want for you to love me more then any little man has loved his mother.

Happy first birthday. I wish you happiness, and love.

More then my own life,

Mommy

xo...

Funky Pity Party

I am funky.


No not the smelly kind, well I do need a shower. But that's not what I mean.


I mean I am in a funk. I just can't shake it.


I need to get out of it. I need to clean up the house for Weaky's birthday party tomorrow.


Had my Starbucks fix. Three times today. (once from my coffee pot at 6:30 am, then from the grocery store bottle, then the actual Starbucks itself) No good coffee buzz, just some good system cleaning.


I guess my funk is from Weakys birthday.


Not because my baby boy is turning 1. But because of all the people we invited, some family some close friends. There were just ALOT of no's.


I know, I know, the economy, and when work calls, getting paid is what you need to do. But I just get bummed. It seemed to be more and more no's. And not just family, but friends. Lots of friends.


Friends that you went to there kids stuff. And maybe that sounds mean, like I assume you would attend my kids stuff. But unless it's work (I totally understand Mudd, not you) and you just say your busy, or something came up? Really?


I mean I have toted my two kids by MYSELF, to events. Snowy day events. Cold ass windy day events. Just me, a two year old and a baby. On Spaghetti's birthday night, we drove an HOUR out of the way to see our friends kid for about 30 minutes on his birthday. then BACK to town for a show.


I mean maybe I try to hard? Maybe I am just not social enough? Maybe this is a sign. That moving to Nashville wouldn't really affect to many people.


Yeah, yeah. Pity party for one. Feisty's the only one invited.


I am thankful for my family, and Spaghetti's family. And for my dear friends who are coming. But when you get seven different friends that call and say "no" it hurts just a bit.


But as long as my Weaky Man is there. I am the happiest mommy ever. I hope this post is a vent to my pity party, and I can move on. I have lots o' house work to do for tomorrow's festivities.


So my pity party is over. It was fun and everyone I invited was there. Alright, alright, I am rambling... gatta go. More posts to do... still needs to clean!!

I big puffy red heart you

Did you ever have those days where you just woke up and wanted to just give each child every second of your attention? Where you are just SO full of love for them, that you are thinking, Zoo, Aquariums, Museums, Park, Toys, Sandbox... all in one day? Just to see smiles on there faces?

And then you quickly realize that you can not possibly do it all. Nor do you have any funds... so the back yard swing, the sandbox and the 9 zillion toys will do.

I mean don't get me wrong, I have MORE then my fair share of whining, and crying, and violence twards siblings then any mom would want. But I still love them SO much, and seeing them laugh is just the best cure for any shitastical day.

I was walking in my garden (I will have to tell you later, but my dad built me garden boxes! 3 feet deep and 20 feet long! Two of them!!) which is mostly dirt and seeds, but it calms me, and Bagel was walking with me. I set her down to knee down by my corkscrew willow trees, and she hops up on my back and in the tiniest little voice she whispers "Yeeha, mommy! Yeeha!"

So onto all 4's I crawl around in circles as Bagel giggles and squeals. Saying "Faster! Yeeha!" Thank goodness she's a tiny 25 pounder!

And while she was napping today, Weaky and me went back out to the garden, I just put out these little pinwheels. 6 of them, all different colors. I sat down next to where they were in the garden, Indian style. While he sat facing me in my lap. When the wind would blow them he would laugh, and clap!

Then I took him out to the airplane swing out back. His first time in that swing. He wanted to clap, but I think he was too busy hanging on!

I hope my children are as easy to amuse as I always have been. Some people would say that as an insult to me. I didn't get it. I mean to just find the most simple thing in life, or just to use your imagination is SO much more fun.

I find children amazing, and that there job in life right now is to explore, discover, and create is just awesome that I get to watch them go through it. I love staying home with them. It's something I find myself very grateful for in these times.

I love you my babies.

Mommy

xo...

Big Yellow Bus

As I was getting ready to put Bagel down for her nap today. We were looking out her window. It's a windy day, but around 70 and nice.

As we look out the window, we see the big yellow school bus stop to drop of the kids. Mia counts them "one, two, three!"

Then she says "Those are friends on the bus!"

I ask her if she would like to go to school some day, and ride the big yellow bus.

She tells me "Someday. But for now I stay little... love you mom"

Thank you Bagel, I love you. More then my own life.

Mommy. XO...

Me and my ass need to have a talk

Thanks to my dearest friend Maternal Mirth, and her skinny ass quest to get "toned" and now that Valerie Berta-whatever is 43 and fabulous, my dear Maternal Mirth is on a work out plan.


Now if you have ever seen my dearest friend. You too would wonder why she would even consider looking at a tredmill, she is about 5'7" and 107 lbs!! She is beautiful, and possibly living in the land of LaLa a bit to long, because us Midwestern momma's are a far cry from just needing some toning. (not all, but the circle I run in, we are a bit...um... healthier, you could say?)


SO I mock her, I tell her she is insane, and that while she is doing buns of steel, I was washing down my KFC potato bowl with an entire frozen pizza (not the little ones either, THE big expensive ones, the thick ones with... never mind... think healthy, think healthy...) I didn't get it. Why she needed to fix what was already perfect (I know, I know, we are our own worst critics, but she is NOT in any need anytime soon of a work out plan)


BUT I get it.


I had to think waaaay back. Back B.C. (before children) and waaaaay back before the Banker job that had me sit on my ass for 2 years... back when I had abs, and I didn't worry if my shirt rose up when I stretched (god forbid now, gag) back when I could wear shorts, capri's are the closest things to shorts this mamma's seein' this summer.


And then it clicked.


She just wants to tighten up what is already good and skinny. It's not the skinny part, it's the toning. Ahhhh. I think in everyones defense who gave her a hard time, we are all 25+ pounds from even thinking about "just toning" so maybe it's just so far ahead that it's just kinda funny.


And then I thought more about it.


Really if Quigs is going to the gym as much as she is, and she even is sad when she misses a day, and Maternal Mirth is rockin' her work out. Well... I could try right?


So at the big Wally World shopping day, lots of eggs, tuna, yogurt, and chicken was in the cart. Last night I did polish off the last frozen pizza. No more Alfredo sauce, and no more macaroni in the house.


I must confess I have enjoyed the extra cold days, for hoodies hide alot. In this year 2009, I started at 137, about a month and a 1/2 ago I was down to 126!! Kick ass! Because I was trying.


I am not proud, but I will be honest, I am back to 133.5. Yikes 7.5 lbs. Not cool. I want to be back to the old me, or at least the old me that could shed off the big hoodies, and the capri's. Maybe find some boat shorts, and a t-shirt, that I don't have to squeeze into.


And yet again I start. Coffee, and Yoplait Light, Boston Cream Pie for breakfast... it's a start...