Me.

There is me.

The loud, feisty, unconventional, over emotional, never gets embarrassed, know-it-all, that loves just chilling with family and friends, gardening, animals, paper crafting and all kinds of art.

This blog is a story that I wanted to tell for my children. A way to virtually scrapbook my life, in a story form. After a while I realized instead of just a story for my kids I found places like the Secrets In The Sauce, a place for great bloggers to join forces. I also have made quite a few friends, and realized that it's fun to tell my everyday story, vents, and embarrassing moments, even I could make one person's day with my silly story.

So this is me. A 5 foot blonde, who's mouth filter fell off at an early age, but with the birth of her children found a new lease on life, and hold NOTHING back.

I don't do religion at this time in my life. I was raised Roman Catholic, and it was all fine and dandy. But...well... let's just not talk about it. You will just get upset, and I will end up insulting you in some way. Let's just leave it at I am happy for those who have religion in their life, it's not for me, and please, please, don't try to in anyway inform me of any religion. If I want some, I know right where to go.

Politics. And yes another touchy subject. I voted for Obama, I am proud that I did. I am a democrat. And no I don't want to discuss politics. ever. period. amen.

Gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transgender. I love them all. I support gays, and all the rights they should have. I have attended the last 3 Chicago Pride parades, and stand strong for this subject.

I love pop music, and hip hop, with a dash of love for rock/alternative. Think Britney Spears, No Doubt, P!nk, Missy Misdemeanor Elliot, and Black Eyed Peas with that dash of Kid Rock and Linkin Park.

I read books by authors like Stephen King & Dean Koontz. I love the artsy free spirit of Sark and who doesn't love Shel Silverstein and Dr. Seuss. Yes I love Dr. Seuss.

Obviously I love to blog, I am slightly obsessed with Face Book, I big red puffy heart my camera, I take pictures daily. I scrapbook as often as possible, a fun night out is wearing p.j. pants and going to the local scrapbook store to hang out with friends and scrapbook for 8 hours straight.

I make my own greeting cards, I am a demonstrator for a fun company called Stampin' Up! It will be 5 years next week that I have been with them. (longest job I've held!) And through them I sell rubber stamps, and scrabooking and card making supplies. I don't normally hold workshops, but I do teach classes in my house every 2 weeks.

I love reality t.v. I have been watching Real World since it started, and love the challenges, duels, whatever I love them all. I watch Survivor, and Big Brother religiously. I also love anything that MTV or VH1 product, yes ALL the Rock of Love, Flavor of Love, Charm School, I Love New York, I Love Money, My Antonio, Real & Chance... you get the point right?

HGTV, and TLC are right up there with my favorites. Who doesn't love House Hunter, or Property Virgins, and Moving Up?

If your still reading this, thanks for caring, or being bored enough to stay with me here. End of story? Sure, just stay tuned to my blog for the most current fad I'm into, movie I'm reviewing, or coffee buzz induced post I can come up with.

Shitting Rainbows and Farting Lollipops

The blogosphere that is.


I absolutely love visiting Tiptoeing Through The Tulips, Cristin, and her stories, weather about her pooping son Graham, or her beloved Dottie, and I love her stories about back in the day and the retirement home she worked in.


So Cristin got the balls to go to this blog, Ask and Ye Shall Receive and get... dun, dun duuunn. Reviewed. A review that is no holding back honest.


Like when they told her that her header was horrible but didn't make their eyes bleed out, but they did think "Oh holy fucking Christ, another fucking mommy blog. I bet her kids shit rainbows and fart lollipops."

She did change her header, it is much nicer thanks to her friend Sherri, who made her a nice pretty, and yet stylish header. Ha ha. Sherri give a good header is right.


Over all she got 3 stars, and a good review, some honest and good advice on moving a few things around. I do think I will submit myself, so I too can get ripped a new ass hole. BUT after I clean the place up a bit.


And with Ask and Ye Shall Receive, I found this guy and his wisdom of "how to blog" go read it if you blog, and if you don't go read it, because you lurk here, so go lurk there too.


I do wonder what people honestly think of my blog. Do you like the header? Are the people descriptions with pictures cute? Annoying? Any part you think could go?


How bout my writing? Interesting? Boring? Personally I think I skip around a bit when I talk, kinda like my everyday talking. But just more confusing. Did you want to see more of something? Less of something?


Go ahead... I got tough skin... tell me...

I can breathe again

Spaghetti and I had many long and daunting conversations about money this past weekend. Big ones, small ones, far fetched one, and serious ones.


With out giving too much information (too late!) we have been trying to get the taxes paid (we took them out of our escrow, the mortgage was fine, just the taxes just keep going up so high!) also with the taxes we had a bunch of medical to deal with (from Weaky's stupid "big head" check up's and Bagel's assault from the blinds over her window, and the dental from my crown) it has been a whole lotta medical, and a few other random bills.


Either way we did the money shuffle, we talked, reorganized things, and we are doing great. Yesterday I finalized the whole deal with balancing the checkbook, paying off the debt, and yes the taxes were paid (due Monday!)


I got so excited I organized the file drawer, to get the paper clutter off my big ass desk (big ass desk as in it takes up the WHOLE loft, and is a corner piece, with two side desks attached to the corner desk for the actual computer. LOTS of room for my clutter!) I still have more clutter to delete but there is actually room to breathe.


Speaking of breathing, we can breath again. Sometimes money gets so damn tight, it's like it is just chocking you. So we were able to pry the hands of bills from around our necks yet again.


Not saying I hit the lotto, or came into a boat load of money. And by the last post, you can see we just found ourselves a very nice monthly bill for the cute little beep beep in the garage! But with the way we sit and talk and discuss the money, all with no yelling, or arguing.


It's the one thing that I think keeps our marriage sane. We both know the money situation. We share everything, and we discuss what the plan of attack is.


Thanks Spaghetti for working with me, so we can both breathe again.

Beep Beep 400!

As I get ready to do my Beep Beep post I also realize that it is my 400th post. Hooray for me! So onto my great Beep Beep story...

Let me just start my story by saying this weekend was insane. It had SO many high's and low's I don't know where to start. But to stop me from babbling on about the whole 4 days of nutso, I will just stick to the subject at hand.

Beep Beep.

Well if you haven't guessed by now, my excitement and the title, "Beep Beep" are because Spaghetti and I bought a new car!!

After finding out the "Cash for Clunkers" deal was ending Saturday, and when we found out that they were willing to give us $4750.00 for the 1998 Ford Explorer, we couldn't say no.


I was out Friday, so the little monkey children were with my In Law's, I woke up Saturday morning, took my last drive in the Ford to there house. On the drive home is when Spaghetti hit me with the idea of getting a new car. We had 5 hours before the deal ended.



Well, after getting home, I had an hour before Spaghetti got off work, and so I did some MAJOR calling around trying to see what dealers were still doing the Cash for Clunkers deal, AND add on we needed Ford dealers, because Spaghetti's uncle worked for Ford for over 40 years, so the family discount would be another bonus.


Alright, in the one hour of phone calls I figured out that there were 3 dealers that still had Ford Escapes, and still were doing the C for C deal.



Oh AND we also had a Nascar party to attend over an hour away at Spaghetti's aunts house. Yes after we bought the car we were going to attend a party! Nutso I tell you, nutso.



Alright, long story short, Ford dealer #1 the guy was busy, and took over 20 minutes to even talk to us, fuck it. We had things to do, a car to buy, and a party to attend, all while entertaining the kids. Moving on, we went to the next dealer.



Ford dealer #2. Ass. holes. They were all sweet as pie. We were sold on the Escape they had, we sat down trying to entertain to hungry, grumpy kids, and when we told them about the Friends & Family deal, they said no.


What?!? Because they were giving us a deal on the C for C deal. What?!? The gov. is giving them the money back, and the family deal was only $300. But the ass. hole. said that he didn't have to honor anything, and that he would sell the car regardless. So we could take the deal or go, it didn't matter to him... buh bye.



So starving children, angry husband and frustrated wife load everyone back into the old Ford, and call Ford #1 to see if they would honor the Friends and Family deal. They too became ass. holes. and said it was too much paper work. SO sorry that doing your job was too much paperwork.




I told Spaghetti if it was just $300 then why didn't we just say fuck the whole Ford thing, and get something else?



In comes Saturn. The Saturn dealers are in a bizarre happy land of their own. I bought my Pontiac there 11 years ago (just 20 years old!) they took care of me then, and after walking in to a happy dealership, even though all the dealers looked beat after the mad rush of sales that whole weekend, they still were overly nice.





I walked right up to Candy (no she didn't fit the name, sorry to ruin your image of a hot little blonde hopping off her stripper pole to assist us, Candy was an older woman, with glasses to her nose, and short strawberry colored hair) and said...




"Hi. I will make this as easy as possible for all of us. I just delt with two complete ass holes, at the two local Ford dealerships. I have a Cash for Clunkers, it's worth $4500. I have $2000 to put down. I can afford about $350 at the most a month. I like the Saturn Vue. I see you have one right here. I like it. I don't need perks in my car. Just one that seats the 4 of us, and goes. Can you help me?"


I thought Candy was going to cry. She was beyond tired, and she even mentioned how she was to the point were small talk was just to much these past few days, she wished everyone would just come in and do what I just did.



Fabulous. Candy was insanely busy, she was selling 3 cars at once. She would hop from desk to desk to desk. Since we had a hot Nascar date, over an hour to drive there, and two kids (I think the two kids was the winner) she got us out of there ASAP.



We started out with a $24,000 price tag on our 2009 Saturn Vue, and after $4750 (they gave us another $250 off the truck) a $1500 off, because it was the drivers ed car for a near by High School and had 3000 miles on it. And our $2000 to put down, we walked out with a $17,750 2009 Saturn Vue.


Kick ass.





We signed paperwork, handed over the title to the Ford, emptied it into our new car. And said our goodbyes.


My dear Ford Explorer. You were a good girl. You got us everywhere we needed to go, and never broke down on us. you were big and strong and I thank you for your service. And yes I cried a little. Spaghetti even said goodbye.



The new car comes with some pretty cool things, now cool to us, maybe standard to you. Since the truck and car both came with cassette players, having a CD player made us happy.




Alright, so here is the deal,

• Automatic windows, and rear view mirrors



• Tilt steering (bonus for me, at 5' tall it makes a difference!)



• Cruise control, and the radio volume on the steering wheel



• The outside temp and direction (N,E,W,S) on the dash



• Sun roof



• the back windows are tinted nice for the kids



• Storage is great, the trunk area has that window shade cover that goes horizontal for hiding my loot



• All the seats fold flat all the way to the front seat



• Side impact airbags



• Big bonus is On Star for 1 year, and the On Star with the navigation package for 1 month free



• XM radio for 3 months free (they cancel it for me, thank god)



• The color is Quick Silver



• 4 doors (big perk, the truck and the Pontiac are both 2 doors)



• I love all the cubbies, the cup holders are in good spots



• And the best... the kids car seats are further apart! The Ford was a Sport, so it was made to only hold 4 people, not 5. SO the car seats were right next to each other. NOW there is a nice gap. (yes they will eventually be able to touch, but for now...)

Wow. So after all that, we drove to the party (got there around 8 pm) still got to see the race, and family. We got home around midnight, but I am SO freaking excited about the new car... truck... um... I guess its a Crossover? Like a car and a SUV had a baby? A CUV?

She is fun to drive, we went back yesterday to get a full all over of everything with Candy, all the buttons, and set up the On Star service, go over the XM radio which is confusing at first, but a pretty cool deal.

I love it, and I am SO glad we were able to get a great deal. I hope this car can last us 10 years too! Thanks Saturn. You guys rock! And Happy 400th post to me!

What is in Weaky's diaper, mom?

While changing Weaky's diaper, Bagel walks over. Looking confused she (finally) asks me,

"Mom, what is that in Weaky's diaper?"

I wasn't surprised, knowing this was coming, and actually surprised it wasn't sooner, I told her it was Weaky's weenie.

She said "ok, I'm going to go play now"

So what do you call it? For a boy? What do you call girl parts? So far Bagel just calls it all her butt.

Walking Weaky Men

Enjoy history in the making. Weaky man took not only his first steps today, but alot of them. We would have him walk from the hall to the couch and back, about 15 feet. It was so great for Spaghetti and me to both be present for this!

At 15 1/2 months old, I wasn't worried, but we weren't not trying to get him to walk at every chance. This was Tuesday the 11th of August when he first walked.

Now not even a week later, he will just get up and walk to where he wants to go! I am so excited to have my little man walking! Congrats Weaky! Love you!!


This my devoted readers is the handsomest little man I have ever seen!

I mean can you resist the Frankenstein walk?

He was SO proud of himself walking today, he would clap and yell just like we would.

Spaghetti and Bagel cheering him on...

AAAAaaaaa!!! A thumbs up from Daddy and Weaky! (I know, D, not a high 5)

Read me a bear story

I was tucking Bagel into bed tonight, and she was thanking me for cleaning her room. I am surprised she noticed. It makes me happy that she is grateful.


As she lays in bed, we sing the "SKINNAMARINK" song from the Elephant show (1980's) then we go at a few rounds of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. Then she wants to read a Bernstein Bear book, I am beat, and those damn Dr. Seuss books are LONG. So I ask her to read to me. (we had already read "One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish" AND "Green Eggs and Ham" today)


As Bagel reads her story, which means on each page, she tells me what the picture means to her, I listen and I think of days when I lived on Marble street. When I would lay in my top bunk bed, and as I read my books, on my Rainbow Brite sheets, with my kitten Punkie right next to me (yes he would climb the bunk ladder) I could hear, my sister, Francis, below me reading.


Not words though. Because this was before she could read. But we always went to bed with a stack of books. She would make up the story as she saw it on the pages. Sometimes a simple short story lasted 20 minutes because of Francis' imagination.


I miss those days. Of hearing Francis that is. Oh don't worry, if your reading this for the first time. She is alive and well a ripe 28 years old. But because of her muscle disorder, Dystonia, I haven't heard her speak in over 15 years. Be sure to read my "One Twisted Story" post explaining.


It's just sometimes, when I am doing things with the kids. I totally go back in time, I can see my mom doing the same thing with us. It's a great way to bring back memories of so long ago.

My cell phone forgot her umbrella

I am officially a dumb ass, I took my pretty little lime green Rumor cell phone out on the deck to have while we were in the pool yesterday.


I forgot it out there. AND it poured this morning! I just realized it now, at 4:30 in the afternoon! The screen goes on, there is moisture underneath, I can still see though. I am sure sitting in the fucking sun for 4 hours helped!!


Anywho, if anyone has advice on how to save a phone I just replaced (4 months ago!) because I lost the last one I had. Please let me know!


SHHHHHHIIIIIIITTTTTTTT!!!!!!

For $20 I found out I am insane and fat.

Yesterday was my yearly gyno appt. fantabolous.

I really don't mind 90% of the visit, I love all the nurses, my doctor is the best little Asian man I could find (beats the 7 foot Irish guy with gargantuan hands, he was my other choice)

I don't mind the scale (till later in the visit) I am not shy about being naked, or asking questions about peeing my pants, thinking I'm a loon, or the fact that my right arm is numb often.

I do mind the fact that I had the evil duck bill (the metal kind) or as the docs call it the "speculum" AND all those LONG scary q-tips, and the straight-fr0m-the-art-room pipe cleaner on a stick, that they wave around in there.

The whole time the "procedure" is going on I am rambling (keeps my mind of the subject at hand) about how I would rather change two of Weaky's diarrhea blow out diapers, shit up to his neck all while the dog barfs on my foot, then have this damn speculum up my whoodee whoo.

My doctor, being the brave man he is, said "I would rather have this done"... I respond (and yes the procedure is stilll going on) "Since your a man, and unless you have had a speculum up your..." Dr. L then jumps in with a NO I have not. Then a quick subject change. Hmrph. Thought so.

Alright enough with the suck ass part. He then does the el boobo exam, all good with the girls. Now time for the list of questions.

Why does my right arm go numb? My guesses were right that I pinched a nerve, he said to try a better pillow (I did and it feels better already!) and hold onto your seats... he referred me to a chiropractor!! (that medical office NEVER refers me to any chiropractor! Booya. I love me a good adjustment!)

Moving on.

How will I have to do kegals before I stop peeing when I jump or run? Well good news is I can sneeze and cough and for the most part I don't pee. BUT I can not jump or run with out a total Billy Madison episode. (your not cool unless you pee your pants) He said because of my age (gasp!) that it may not ever get better. Boooo. There is a procedure. But he doesn't recommend it unless it is REALLY necessary. Time to pull out the pads and work on those kegals!

Onto the subject of me being a loony. I asked him about my mood swings. About the days when staring at the wall is just to much for me. I told him the kids are always safe, and that they are always fed, clean and happy. And that is ALL I put effort into on my crazy days. I cry, I scream, I cry, I freak out, I can't breath, I overreact, I don't react at all. I haven't had one of these days since I think, June? So doc was happy to hear that I hadn't had anything of late. So he sent me to the lab to get my thyroid checked. BTW that needle hurt. Fucker. Oh my other option was to have my birth control, mirana, removed to see if that fixed things. Um no. I am not that concerned and no I am not removing that thing for the next 4 years I have left on it. Moving on...

My weight. I generally asked, since Spaghetti and I just started eating healthy, I wanted to see what the doc had to say about my weight. He said for my height, 5 foot, I should be around 110. That is what I thought. That is 24 lbs away. So I said at least my weight is better then last year right? He checks the chart.. um no, actually your 5 lbs heavier then last year.

Really? Hmrph. Well isn't that a kicker. I am 5 lbs fatter then right after I had my baby. Fan-fucking-tastic. I asked the doctor if the WHOLE box of mac & cheese at 10 pm is a bad idea? Or the WHOLE Digorono pizza? Alright. I am SO over being a fat ass, I think I look ok, then I see myself in pictures. Gag.

So after being stabbed for blood, and being grouped and prodded, told I would forever be a pant wetter, and I am a bit to big for my britches all for just a nice little copay of $20. I made my appointment for next years torture. All with a smile on my face, and a thank you.

A wedding reception to remember (at least the first half)

Congrats to my second cousin Sabby & her new guy Owski. They got married yesterday. I missed the wedding for many reasons (It was raining, it was outside, I would have had to go by myself with the two kids, Spaghetti had to work) SO with that many reasons to NOT go, I saved all my energy and we all went to the reception.


Let me start off by telling you a bit about this family of mine. This would be my VERY loud Italian side of the family, this is my dad's sister's granddaughter getting married. AND they were all raised on farms. Nothin' against my farm family. But they are loud, Italian, NOT afraid to get dirty, pushy, wild, drunk, bare foot, yehaa lovin' people that I love and adore.


Now lets get ALL these people dressed up and attend the reception. It started out beautiful! Of coarse the open bar couldn't even open fast enough. And we did get a family portrait (myself with Bagel, Weaky and Spaghetti, also Francis, and the Queen and Carrots too) this was one of the Queen's wishes since forever! I hope they turn out good!


We all looked nice (I found a long black & white dress at Target for $7, it was an XS! In maternity!!) Bagel wore a pretty pink & white sun dress. While Weaky wore cord pants, and a red & tan plaid shirt (and his little converse shoes!) Spaghetti was in black pants white shirt, & tie. (no point in me telling you our attire, just wanted to paint the whole picture)


It was great seeing my family. My aunt & uncle live in Florida 1/2 the year, so when I do get to see them I enjoy it. And when they moved to Florida, my two cousins, Runner (Ultramarathon runner, all over the world) and Sabby's brother Speedy (busted a few times for speeding) live there. And cousin Movie Guy (works with stars on movies. He does costume and wardrobe) lives in cali. So seeing them, and each of the cousins has 2-3 kids each, so it's a BOAT LOAD of people, and always lots of fun.

So we are all over, the mother of the bride, and her sister, and the other brother, my dads Mini Me, they all live in the next town over from me. (so I do see them the most)


Alright to the reception...
The bridal party comes in, introduced as usual. Then the d.j. spins... Lady Gaga and the Disco Stick song... THAT is what the bride and groom came into...

???

...

!!!

...


Really? In front of family? Maybe I am just old, and being married over 8 years and all, but seriously there are some FUN songs out there to come in to, but the Disco Stick song? Eww.


The kids had a BLAST, this was our first family wedding, they loved the music, and the d.j. had a bubble machine so that was the highlight for most the kids. Runner and Movie Guys kids did some synchronized dance moves that entertained us all, (two boys about 8 yrs old, one in plaid shirt, tie and glasses, the other with a crew cut, turquoise tshirt, and black tie) they were great!


Queen and Carrots danced, as I danced with Weaky, and Spaghetti with Bagel, then Carrots danced with my sister Francis, and even caught my dad dancing with his sister. I even snuck in a few slow songs with Spaghetti. Seeing the love and the memories in that room were great. Even a fun "Cupid Shuffle" with everyone!


Then the d.j. had one to many (he once worked with Sabby) long islands. WHY he felt the need to drink while working was besides me. He was drunk, gawdy, and was one of those assholes that jump around on the dance floor like a complete tool. Not to mention he would forget to play music, and there were minutes of nothing being played at all. He played ONLY Lady Gaga for at least 20 minutes. And was always at the bar.


Never mind that I asked for Coldplay's Viva La Vida so Spaghetti and Bagel could dance, we were too busy being entertained by the freakshow who has lost his jacket, and is now ripping his sleeves off his dress shirt to Madonna's "Like a Virgin" all while karokee-ing it and attempting to dance on the dance floor.

We missed out on the d.j. doing back flips and the feeling up of the brides maids. I did get to see when he dry humped Sabby, the groom should have knocked him out right there. It was tacky and we left early because of it.

I did enjoy the earlier part, before the d.j. misunderstood that it was NOT his party, it was his job. The wait staff had there mouths on the floor, wondering where they picked this asshat up from.

(I will be checking Youtube.com for the video that some of the guests took, and promised to put online!)


Sp today is the anniversary party for my aunt & uncle (Happy 50 years!) and so I am hoping there will be NO d.j. and just family enjoying each other like we always do!

Congrats again Sabby & Owski, I hope you two rock your new life together! Sabby your twin girls are beautiful (born 3 months after Bagel) I hope they give you a run for your money, your mom would be happy with that!(ha ha!!)