Good for the soul

Good for you soul.

Sometimes I am too busy to answer the phone, sometimes I am too stressed to pick up the phone, being that small kids, barking dogs and endless clutter are making me stressed.

But then I realize who's calling.

Be it my cousin who has the daily stress of his brothers and sister on his shoulder. Since his parents died it's been nothing but crazy drama and stress for him, causing two heart attacks at the age of 33.

I NEED to answer the phone when he calls. I used to avoid the calls like the plague. Or check the time, if it was too late in the day I knew he would be drunk by then. Check out this POST for my goodbye for now post.

He has sobered up since then. He has gone to jail for DUI's and came out a new person. Since then has a new partner, but still has the stress of his brothers. One who is in BIG, BIG trouble. About the most trouble one person can be in. His other brother, well he's the same still drama, still drinks constantly, but at a current state of low drama.

His sister, I love her so. And her abusive baby daddy, with her two boys, (4 and 1) no home, in and out of rehab, this can't be good for the boys, and this is where my cousin can't say no. I can't imagine the pain between trying to have tough love for his sister, but wants only the best for the kids. Sigh.

I knew after 3 phone calls and 2 texts yesterday that he needed to talk to me. I was busy enjoying a family day. So after everyone was snug in bed, I called him at 9:30. Around 11 I needed to go to bed, I was emotionally exhaused. But glad I could be there for him.

~~~~

While at family day I talked to my cousin (other side of the family NO realtion to the above story) she laid on me and my mom a sob story about her husband who is out of work (building homes for a living is NOT a good job at the moment!) so he drinks all the time, but the worst of it all is her 17 year old son, had a DUI under his belt already! So his license is suspended till he is 21. My cousin is sad becuase he is drinking by himself alot. She has him in rehab therapy, and he likes it. She says he will do this as long as it takes. I can see it wears on her. It hurts me to see her so sad. Again I was glad I could be there for her.

~~~

I just got off the phone with a good friend, who's husband lost his job. Sigh it's like the plauge lately. Everyone is losing jobs. Now the dilema is what to do, how to get a job that pays the same? Time to take care of yourself, and your family. Sigh... I can only hope she calls me soon and we can catch up more.

~~~

I felt like this in High School. I was the shoulder for SO many of my friends, I still have a note from this kid. He was teased and a dork. I was a senior he was a freshman. We had one class together. A History class.

He wrote me notes, and I wrote back. I thought positive things, and told him he was better then all those who mocked him. To keep his head up, and to know he always had me as a friend. He told me he wanted to commit sucide, but he went and read MY notes, and thought. Well I do have one friend.

I was that one person.

~~~~

I guess what I have to say is thanks. To that one person in Junior High, some of you who read me know her. you know the things she said, the things she did to me.

I felt usless, like a baby, stupid, dorky, and just a plain looser.

I thank her for teaching me that in NO way should anyone EVER feel that way. I shouldn't have felt like I was no one. When I had the best friends around me. Those best friends? Yep I still talk to them 28 years later. They are some of my closest friends.

I thank my parents for giving me a loving home. A family who listened who cared, and who always made me feel beautiful inside and out. Because no matter how tough the outside world is, I know I can go home to a safe, warm and loving place.

I thought through my freshman year of High School that I wanted to be there for other kids. So I joined a group that would assign us each a person who needed someone to talk too. A peer that could be there friend, like a friend counsler of sorts. And I got one girl who was on the outside. A girl who needed me. I was often asked why I was her friend, it wasn't publicly known that we were assigned them. The girl knew that I was her "assigned friend" and durring her lunch (my study hour) I was to sit with her. But I would listen, and talk to her. We even went to the movies once. And I never let anyone tell me who I could and couldn't be friends with.

~~~

And so I've gone my life trying to not judge people on their dirty clothes. They might only have a few pairs of clothes. I've learned not judge those with fancy clothes, because I know money doesn't buy happiness. I've learned to trust few, and to remember that it doesn't matter, thick or thin, ugly or beautiful, black or white, green or purple, rich or poor, it's the inside that counts.

I want my children to have my empathy. To take care of themselves first, family too. Then to reach out and be that one person for some one.

To be good not only for the other persons soul. But for their empathy and their compassion to be good for their own soul.

FeIsTy.

An Ode to Blogger

Dear Blogger,

This note is to say thanks. For the pure sake of my sanity.

Sounds simple enough right? I guess what I want to say is when my good friend from grade school told me all about you, in which she is quite trendy and I am thankful she shares with me, all the fun things I could do with Blogger. I was then introduced to SITS an extreemly wonderful comunity for bloggers. I have met SO many great bloggers through them.

I also had read a friend of mine's blog. I call her Iowa. She posted why she blogs. And the fact that I was doing it just for attention was one thing. But she made such valid points, about scrapbooking for her kids. And yes I do the art of papercrafting with scrapbooks for my kids, but to blog out stories for them too? Genius.

But outside of baby, toddler and now preschooler posts. I have filled my little corner of the blogosphere with posts on Postpartum, durring and after. My family, memories, life in general. And who doesn't like a good rant or two, or three, or four... oh who's counting.

The guily pleasure I have of reading into someone elses life, their point of view, their world is amazing. It's like a diary of sorts for the world to see. If you like. If not. Keep it for yourself.

So thanks blogger. You seriously are good for my soul.

xo... FeIsTy

No apology needed

 

It seems when Bloggers don’t blog for a while they feel the need to apologize. Then list ALL the things they were doing, and all the excuses they can for not blogging.

Here’s my excuse. Life got in the way.

Since I’ve taken time off of my Stampin’ Up! business, I’ve seriously enjoyed life. Well that sounds like Stampin’ Up! was taking over. But to a point it seemed to be stressing me out and holding me back from the simple things in life.

Bagel starts Preschool next month, so I wanted to enjoy the last summer with my “babies” before school and all the activities began.

I will catch you up on me. Not sure if I told you, but I turned a fabulous 32 years old, on July 19th. I LOVE birthdays, mostly mine! I embrace my age, and I’m not old, I’m just getting started.

Been spending more time just chillin’ with my bestie, Aerial. (Who loves to take her picture in Big R wearing cameo helmets?)

Spaghetti and I enjoyed a fanfuckingtastic concert. A Mothers/Fathers Day gift from my MIL. It was for Kid Rock, and Bon Jovi. Even better it was outside at Chicago’s Soldier Field (Where Da Bears play!) We had a great view, and it was a great night. This marks our 5th time seeing Kid Rock in concert. Bon Jovi was fun, I only knew a few songs, but he put on a great show. Nothing says date night like walking around Chicago, dinner along Lake Michigan then a kick ass concert!

Spaghetti has been doing more scuba training. Right now he is probably doing his underwater scooter training

No shit. One of those cool things like Angelina Jolie used in Tomb Raider! He also went down to 78 feet! Yikes. He said the water was 46 degrees at one point! (he dives in a quarry a hour a way)He’s doing some advanced dive classes. I’m so proud and happy he’s enjoying his hobby!

 

I’ve been scrapbooking more. LOVE it. Cleaning the art room, putzing around the house. Chillin’ in the pool. The only thing that has gone from my interest is my garden… um… it’s more like weed boxes with a few plants buried underneath them. I am growing peppers, and opinions.

I’ve realize Marigolds are as invasive and annoying as I thought. Morning glories are fantastic. Unless they take over EVERYTHING. I am having success with my Corkscrew Willow Trees, they are AWESOME. And starting to look more tree like the stick in mud like.

I have decided that next year I am ditching ALL the plants, filling my WHOLE yard with water. And doing ONLY water gardens. My two water gardens are awesome. No weeds, and low maintenance!

Tonight I am going out with my grade school friends. Some I saw last year, some I haven’t seen in 20 years! Some I don’t want to see ever. We will see how that goes!

I picked out my outfit, my cream shirt, with my dark jeans, and my rock star Steve Madden shoes.

Oh and last weekend was an Stampin’ Up! event, it was very nice to get away and stamp and create with my friends. A few people suck. One is an uber bitch who bullied my friend. Not so much my drama so I tried to steer clear. Till the douche bag holier then thou other girl got in my face telling me that I should grow up I shouldn’t start drama, I should be better… blah,blah, blah. GAH! THIS is why TOO much religion is bad for you. She is up on her magical Christian pedestal and looks down on EVERYONE talks about EVERYONE, and has NO idea what was going on, but chooses to get all in my face about it?! Oh I can’t wait till the meeting in two weeks.

Let’s just say I’m tired of pretending these shit hole people will just go away. So I am all primed for one particular asshole tonight. I just want her to LEAVE. ME. ALONE. Don’t pretend, don’t ask about my kids, you don’t care. Remember that. God don’t fake it for everyone else.

Last reunion was awesome. We all vented on the “cool” kids, since they were too cool to come. But now they grace us with their presence. If one of the other girls shows. I may just vomit.

OH and my life has been consumed by…. drum roll please!!!…

Big Brother season 12!! I loves it so! I am a junkie, and I am a subscriber to the 24/7 live feeds!!

Otherwise, that’s my summer. As much as I’ve enjoyed it, I am looking forward to cooler weather, hoodies, sweats, and the comforts of fall! Hope your all enjoying your summer!

Love

Feisty

Can you run faster then a microburst?

 Have you ever ran in a microburst? Like debri flying around you, dirt swirling around you and your chasing your husband while he pushes the kids in the stroller as fast as he can?


I just did.


We walked down our street, saw the storms comin' walked to the light, then headed back down twards the house, it was then Spaghetti started running with the stroller, debri was flying by us, and the wind picked up the dirt around us, I saw a bright blue flash of a transformer blow by about a block away.



Spaghetti got farther ahead of me and the microburst created so much dirt around me I almost couldn't see him, cars started pulling over along the road. And the microburst went over us and past us, we were more in the middle then on the outsides where all the damage was.

I didn't freak I just pushed myself and RAN, and I DON'T run people, as fast as I could, thinking we would have to grab the kids from the stroller and lay down with the kids in the ditch. Spaghetti said the stroller started going up on two wheels and he was able to push further and get the kids home.

He ran the kids in the house, and I quickly caught up, and then the rain started.

We are home safe and sound. And I NEVER want to run in a microburst again. Especially with my kids. :-(

So the damage is done. Our house wasn't as bad as our neighbor. They lost half their shed roof, a tree, their  potted plants, their siding, their garbage cans and the big rubber maid housing were in our front yard, and across the street. I found my floaty lounge chair in the backyard of the neighbors across the street from me.

My other neighbors fence is broken up, and her lawn chairs were in my front yard. Probably a pretty wicked show of flying lawn furniture, I got the shit scared out of me. I've never had the urge to run so fast for the saftey of my family.

363 day to go

So only a FEW people know this about me. And when I say few it's less then 3.

It's going to sound stupid, cheesy and weird. But I think if I get it out there maybe I will feel better. Doubt it. But lets try it.

Story goes like this...

Once upon a time, my sister, Frances and I went for a bike ride. I was 13 years old. We rode our bikes to our old neighborhood, we missed it, and it was just a few miles to get there. We loved to see the old house, and talk about how much we missed it. We would visit with our friends, and remember the old times.

At the last visit I was talking with my old best block friend, and her little sister came up to me. She was about 6 years old at the time, she whispered in my ear the words that I still hear 19 years later. She said...

"You'll die when your 32"

Monday was my 32nd birthday.

I have 363 days till I can hopefully forget what she said. I've often wondered how it would happen, hoping I would be by myself and it wouldn't effect my family members too. I also wonder if it was more figurative. As in I will have a loss so big part of me will die?

This is such a morbid post, but I feel I need to blog on it. Spaghetti, and Aerial both know about this. And we are counting down the days to celebrate my 33rd birthday.

Feisty

From the crapper

Yes today's post is litterly from the crapper. Not as in the bathroom, or the tub, but I am taking my morning dump and posting about it.

Why do I feel the need to share? Because in the last 4 days I have had the most magical thing happen to my house.

I mean technology this great hasn't graced our door in SO many years. We are talking about WiFi people.

This is one of those post my children will look back on and be like OMG, are you serious? You had to order a box, and set up WiFi? You didn't just have it everywhere? (which from what my little Comcast birdie told me is coming sooner then later, the airborne WiFi that is)

Yes children I had to order a special box, and plug it in, and set it up, and swear for an hour, and talk to 5 customer service idiots till I got the right one.

But now I can sit on my crapper and blog, I layed in bed last night and watch my beloved Big Brother 12 24/7 live feeds (save all that for another post) I layed in bed and checked my email, sat on the couch with my bestie Aerial and watched the 24/7 feeds (they consume my life for 3 months)

Bagel and Weaky lay in my bed while I fold laundry, and they watch free episodes of Dora, and Word World I found on iTunes.

I can have ABC's new vampire/werewolf/witch series The Gates (LOVE it) on and catch up on past episodes (watch it people you will LOVE it! Sunday nights on ABC!) All while making dinner.

I have to say since I am in the kitchen SO much my lappy toppy of love spends most of her day in the kitchen with me.

Oh and I did do the cool thing, and took her to Starbucks to use the free WiFi there, sigh... magical I tell you. Pure magic.

And speaking of technology around the house, I went to Tarjay yesterday and picked up two cordless phones. OMG SO necessary! We were down to one working phone in the loft (which is only used for speaker phone, I could add a cord to the handset, but I'm just to lazy) and one phone which is the Incredibles phone, (not kidding) but now we have 2 more fancy pantsy cordless phones. Which I have to wait 15 hours to charge...11:30 this morning I can use them!

I know we are techy geeks around here aren't we? Hey at least my cell has a QRTY keyboard so I can text, Spaghetti still has a flip phone, NO keyboard. I feel bad when he has to text! And I had internet on my cell, but really not necessary and we need the extra $$ right now.

And yes children there were cell phones that had keyboards and some that even DIDN'T I know amazing stuff right? Like when I tell you that growing up we had ONE phone in the house. Kitchen (kinda like now huh?) we had ONE line, and if you were cool enough you had your own phone line!

Cell phones? Nope. Not till the 90's and you had to have ALOT of money to have one, and they were HUGE, like 8 inches tall and about 3 inches thick.

Then when I was in H.S. we had pagers, too cool to have one. Your friends paged you when they wanted to talk to you and you then would call them. Sounds retarded now when I type it out. But damn it I was cool.

Then parents got a cell phone for the family. So when I would go out with my friends I could take it with to call home. And usually only one or two of us had a phone, so we had to share, and minutes were SO limited, you watched your friends like a hawk on the phone!

I finally got my first cell phone,

and I remember laughing at your dad, he had a "bag" phone

It was huge, about the size of a t.v. remote, it was a good idea, it was for emergencies, and he really only used it to call Gramma and Grampa Mc when he was going to stay out.

Plus we didn't have computers, the little catholic school I went to had about 8 BIG ol' Apple 2E's

and we all learned about floppy drives that held disks that were about 5 1/2 inches square.

NO internet. Yes I say NO internet. Snail mail was a big hit back then, and I'm not talking 200 years ago, I'm talking early 90's. Sigh, well kids thats enough Old Skool for you for now. I'm finally done pooping so I can stop typing now...

Day 3

I am SO proud of myself. I am on day 3 of the "diet" I started at 137.5, and I refuse to weigh myself more then once a week. I still need to do some measurements.

I don't believe I am on day 3. That is HUGE for me.

I mean NO drive thru, no pop, no eating after 7 (we eat dinner late sometimes so 7 works)

I'm talking eggs, oatmeal, chicken, veggies, salads and fruits... it gets easier as the days go by.

Don't get me wrong I got teared up with the kids refused Mac and Cheese yesterday. WTF. The I had to put it all in a container for the fridge. THAT was hard. But I did it.

Now it's time to put a workout plan into effect... ewwww...

This time I mean it

Do I tell you? Or not? Keep it to myself? Well when do I ever keep secrets from Blogger?

Today July 15th, Spaghetti is weighing in at work. They are doing a weight loss challenge. And for an incentive, there is a prize of $500 and two days paid off.

Me? Yep. Going for it for moral support.

Bullshit you say? Because I've started this "diet" over and over and over since January 3rd. And haven't lasted more then a day.

Am I excited? Nope.
Am I motivated? Yep.

The way I see it is I have nothing coming up besides my birthday (Monday) but I have requested that my mom make beer can chicken, salad and corn. I said I am allowed a slice of my angel food cake I get each year.

BUT besides that, I really don't have a holiday, or festive need to stuff my face for a few months.

I'm not going to do the P90X workout, not for a while, it's too hard on me. Call me a sissy, but it's been a LONG time, since this 5 foot jiggle carb queen has seen any sort of set work out.

I have a diet set, nothing crazy with messuring bowls, and scales. Just my own portion control.

Mostly fruits, veggies, chicken and pork. Salads, tuna and eggs (note the egg diet didn't even last through my post last time!)

I have a Gaiam Ball and work out DVD's. I think those are easy enough, yet keep me moving. I think even if I do some yoga on my off or busiest days, it will be good for me.

Are we takin' bets on how long I last? Which reminds me I need to take measure ments, and weigh myself... ewww... oh and if you want to know how I've felt about this before, check out my All Time Low post.

FeIsTy

Freaking the fuck out

This was supposed to be a cute post about dinner with our friends last night, or maybe the local garden walk I went on with my mom (see above photo of owl rock)

BUT NOOOOOO….

I get to vent.

I have a router. I have a modem. I have a headache.

They suck. I can’t get them set up to save my ass… on hold, for.ev.er

(forever as in 12 minutes. For each of the 5 people I dealt with)

And it took 3 Comcast people, and 2 Netgear people to set me up.

It went like this…

Comcast guy #1. Nice. TOO many personal stories. Did what he could. Gave me Netgear’s phone #.

Netgear guy #1. Spoke shitty english, WAY to fast. And told me the number I called was wrong. So he gave me another number to call.

BUT not before asking me WHY I was still on the phone after he gave me the number! He said I should hang up!! WTF?

So I called the number. Wrong effing number.

I called Comcast for Comcast lady #2. Her transfer skills are limited. I was fucking disconnected. Grrr…

I called Comcast again. Now furious. Got Comcast guy #3. This guy was sypathetic to me and the lack of customer service skills out there. But he said I HAD to call Netgear. But he would transfer me.

I whimpered to him… No… please? Can’t you fix my WiFi?

So I suck it up, and let them transfer me AGAIN…. and I wait… and wait… and wait… and wait… and wait… and wait… and wait… and wait… and wait…wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!!!!

Then I get a guy, who speaks English poorly. BUT in a matter of 3 minutes, we trouble shoot, and swtich out cables, click here, there, make a password.

Wah. fucking. lah.

This asshole was magical. I mean fixed, up and running. LOVE it.

So I have been around the house, it’s my first time being with my computer and away from my desk.

Not sure if Spaghetti is excited or not. Since I tend to want my laptop EVERYWHERE I go.

Sigh, it was stressful, BUT it’s done.

Hoping tomorrow I can blog about either Bagels first kiss, or Weakys upgrade in his sleeping arrangements.

Right now...

I am having a hot McD's date with my #8 and my laptop. Enjoying some ME, MYSELF and I time. Something I seem to get more and more of lately.

I enjoy the fact that my IL's LOVE to take the kids overnight, and my parents too. I am SO lucky to have that, and both of them within an hours drive. I think it's best for the kids, to bond with their grandparents, and me to bond with myself.

I swear that is what got me through postpartum and other life depression. Little breaks, I mean SO many people don't get that break, and I know many of you are reading this now. I wish that all mom's could just get a reality break, and get some stare at the wall time. Not just to hop in the shower, or sleep (even though some will take just that)

My McD's is a magical place. It's right by my house, which is trouble for me. It's an easy hop in the car and two blocks away I have golden arch happiness.

I'm not so much a drive through girl. I do enjoy drive throughs with my boxers when I can, but the kids enjoy eating inside, and so do I. I call it the "fancy" McD's. We have pleather seats, big flat screen t.v.'s it has NO play place which I love. It's tiny and it's my place to chill.

Sounds kinda gay that I love to sit at McD's but mine is more contemporary then most. Very netural tones, very chill.

I love to watch the people.

There is a dad and his son enjoying breakfast, it would be better if the dad put down his cell phone, I try to not use mine when I'm out with the kids.

There's a mom with her little girl, enjoying pancakes, reminds me of when it was just Bagel and me at our McD dates.

The one that got me chocked up this morning? The cute older couple. Reminds me of Spaghetti's Gramma and Grampa, they got their coffee, and there McMuffins. Just enjoying the company of each other. Makes me miss Spaghetti's gramma. It's only been 17 months, and with her birthday next week I think she is even more on everyone's mind.

Wow I wasn't going to make myself cry in McD's but I did...

I did promise Spaghetti I would use this kid free day to clean the house, and as much as I kick myself for promising that, I think it's a good way for me to clean the house, I don't like to let him down.

I do think a trip to the store for some canned Starbucks happiness is due. I stayed at my friends house for HOURS last night. I swore I was just picking up catalogs, and after swapping stories about her daugher and how they found her brain tumor, and how we've tried and tried to understand my sisters Dystonia.

I have SO much more to blog on, but coffee and a dirty house are calling my name. Maybe later.